Tag: spiritual lessons

Seeing Things · sensitivity · Spirits · spiritual lessons

Did you know Mediums are from the devil?

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A few weeks back I was informed by my father-in-law in my estranged family, that God hated mediums and this is quoted clearly in the bible. At the time, Bill was trying to relay a message I had received from a fellow medium at a workshop I took part in from his brother. The goal was to allay his Dad’s fears and give comfort by providing some answers. Instead, the man attacked the messenger.

I think about most sensitive children who notice the elephant in the room and are punished for it. This was my role most of my life. (I remember distinctly a time when I informed my mother that a guest was mad and upset when I was told this was incorrect. My mother was repeatedly embarassed by my observations, which always turned out accurate.) It’s not easy “seeing” what others don’t want you to see. But I do know that God made me this way. I’ve seen the gift as it is when I help others in their paths and brought clarity, the times I’ve saved animals’ lives with missing pieces of important information, and brought comforting messages from loved ones who weren’t really lost afterall. No, I am not serving the devil or talking to bad spirits like on television. Real, healthy good has come out of these gifts. My God is all about unconditional love and what I aspire to be one day. My God loves me and knows who I am with no judgement, and sees my gifts as what he/she gave me to help humanity.

Most sensitives grew up unaccepted for being different. It hurts when the unacceptance is not for your beliefs, but an attack on who you are. That is always about the other person’s failings–their own inner spaces they don’t want to see. (And their walls to loving).

Long ago, I had a dream that I was selling balloons to blind people, and I was pretending to be like them, blind as well. I can’t do that anymore. I will share my gifts with those who want to see and therefore, who I can assist. They are the ready ones. The rest will have different teachers, and many are not loving. And as for the unacceptance, I no longer want or need support that doesn’t accept me–all of the pieces that make up me.

sensitivity · spiritual lessons

What if there is no map?

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I have a recurring anxiety dream. It usually looks like me on stage and expecting to perform without knowing the lines and having the script. I have a long history of enjoying being on the stage performing, so it only makes sense my mind would use this metaphor image to get the anxiety message across. Being unprepared is a common lament for sensitive people. I read somewhere that introverts need plenty of preparation and time before they “perform” out in the world.

Many of my friends and family are finding themselves thrown into the world without the benefit of a script or map. Lives are turned upside down, people are dying and leaving the planet, and foundations are crumbling. What was up is down, and vice versa.

My Guides had given me the message that the world has lost its shield while at the same time, we are all evolving and changing at such a fast rate and the foundations are breaking down, it’s amazing we all don’t have vertigo!

So, what if the rules are all changing?

I remember long ago how I used to work. Set goals, create a vision, and then climb that mountain. I’d “make” it happen. Well, I thought I did. I usually fell short when I did this method. There was usually a lot of headaches and a great deal of pushing. Now that things are changing so fast, we are forced to live moment to moment.

The other day I had the most success simply following my inner guidance…you guessed it, moment to moment. I found myself among friends, giving readings in a situation I had no idea I would be doing, creating real positive change for the folks in front of me. Now, I didn’t blindly jump into this. That morning I said some prayers asking for community, for folks I could help so I could use my gifts, and to feel that deep appreciation. The day was a win-win and an immediate answer to a prayer. I just listened after asking, and then did the actions I felt really pulled to do. Miraculously, there was no pushing, just a great deal of trust to just jump onto the stage.

It’s hard to change. It’s hard to switch a dynamic of how you do things. It feels a bit like always writing with my right hand, and now I need to use my left. I feel awkward and fumbly. I’ll probably resort to using my right hand when I feel most uncomfortable, my handwriting may even change, but hopefully, I will get used to the new way of doing things.

Next time: What the wrong direction feels like.

new thinking · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Grabbing Backwards so you don’t move forward

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Moving forward is scary. Bursting through that comfort zone isn’t always what we want to do. This weekend I had a down day. My energy was knee deep in the past and I was feeling downright awful.

Once again, Sarah, my beagle mix, was my teacher. Last night for the first time in a long time, she was pacing the hallways and not listening to me and reverting to old behaviors. This is how she was when we lived at the other house and when life was filled with chaos. What a great picture she gave me to see my own energy reflected back. I even had the nerve to get mad at Sarah and yelled at her!

The problem was not that I wasn’t moving forward, but I finally was. I had moved past boulders of childhood and current stuff and was coming to the end of understanding so much. I even had realized what this new Ronni wanted in her life. That’s when fear stepped in. With fear, I tend to grab on mentally and rework and analyze things to pieces, whatever I can grab onto. This usually involves pouring over notebooks and writing. I do believe that is what I did the other day.

I think this is a normal part of the process for most of us. We grab onto “backwards” when we find ourselves moving forwards quickly into an unknown. It must be a human thing.

So I ask myself what I am truly needing instead of chastising myself. A new concept! I need to grieve, yes. That’s part of the process. Looking at the past, I can still hold on to what worked or what was dear, but then I get very lost in the pain and what didn’t. I think I need to find a way to soften the moving forward so I feel safe. In meditation I saw myself like Alice in Wonderland after she takes the “eat me” or was it, “drink me.” She grows so big she is cramped into a tiny hallway  and finally her limbs burst through the windows of the house. Being that big can be a bit scary. Change is scary. Losing what was support and foundation is scary. Can in this moment I make a safe nest among the change?

I immediately think of  Speedy, my tortoise. When I let him out in the morning, I watch as he zooms around the house confidently exploring all that he can. He’s so brave as he conquers obstacles in the way like dog tails and shoes. But when he feels scared or threatened, he pops his head in or finds a corner to hide for a little while. In his tank, he heads for his little turtle tunnel to hide under. I need to create a safe corner or tunnel for in between my explorations into this new world. Maybe that is what all the ruminating about the past is about–popping my head into the past because it’s comfortable and known. It’s an unsuccessful attempt to have a stop in my movement.

Today I will explore a healthier safe corner to pop my head into instead.

empaths · healing · Psychic Room · psychic tips · sensitivity · spiritual lessons · writing

5 Steps to Reawaken Your Inner Fairy

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Steps to Reawaken Your Authentic Inner Fairy Self:

STEP ONE: Reintroduce the Fairies into your life and learn how to heal with your own backyard.
FB101 Fairy Beginner & Flower Essence Class
F101 Fairies 101 Introduction Class
COM101 Animal & Fairy Communication

STEP TWO: Connect even deeper with your animals.
(Fairies have a deep connection to animals.)
COM102 Animal Communication
HA101 Animal Healing with Nature & Fairies
AM101 Animal Mediumship: After Death Communication

STEP THREE: Take care of your developing sensitive self.
(You may be an empath already and need tools, or by doing this work you find you are becoming more sensitive.)
CS101 Care of the Sensitive
RT101 Healing with Rocks & Trees

STEP FOUR: Bring back joy into your life and rediscover you, your authentic inner fairy.
FJ200 Fairy Joy class

STEP FIVE: (COMING): Go deeper: become a fairy detective.

Sign up for Fairy Online School classes at the Online Class page.

empaths · spiritual lessons

Do you teach others to treat you like crap?

designingfairy

I’m in a writing mood, so I will blog write beside posting art.

I’ve been learning major stuff lately. Tower experiences do that. We tend to have life reviews then we see a timeline of false beliefs that led us to experience what we do not want to experience. I think that is the true gift in major life break-ups.

What did I learn? For one thing, we must not compromise so much of ourselves. Each little compromise tells us we don’t matter and are unimportant. And slowly, we expect less and less. Next thing we see is we matter little in our lives. We are disrespected. It’s a snowball effect.

I look back and I see how all this was born when I was quite little. A belief was planted. And yes, Empaths, we do tend to take on others’ beliefs as our own and others’ stuff at a very early age.

I have seen times I gave 110% in my biz, my family, in parenting, relationships, and then was genuinely surprised when I was empty-handed. I foolishly thought that when I needed it, like financial help for my dying dog, or needing money for simple things like gas or electric, it would be there, because look how much I gave! I think all it created was resentment. Why was this happening? Because I gave free readings, free info, free classes. I was such a good old girl. Helpers, when has anyone asked a dentist or electrician for free help? I saw this recently when a woman wanted a basically cheap reading for me to travel an hour and a half and talk to most of her kennel. Then balked at my average price. She had just paid a vet to come to the house big bucks! So, the message again, you are unimportant, not worthy. That was part of my wake-up call. The last few years have brought me the best teachers in the world for this lesson, including a child who was a Master Teacher.

Little by little we put up with small compromises that do not honor us and whittle us away. Maybe this is a learned woman thing. I don’t know. But it’s too late. I see it now. I have this beautiful opportunity to rewrite my history and heal my inner little girl. How frickin’ cool is that?

empaths · Flower essences for sensitive · healing · spiritual lessons

In the garden diary

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How I found my Fairy Castle…
My life, as I knew it, fell apart at the foundation five months ago. I won’t go into the details, but most of the trauma involved adopting an older child with problems we were not prepared for or trained to handle as she aged and a lot of other really traumatic stuff and big time breakdowns. I had asked my Guides and Helpers to help me find a place I’d feel safe and comfortable where I could heal, as well as, for my animals. I knew only what I wanted to feel in this new home and some of the attributes. When I did fall onto this place, through a series of steps, it wasn’t at all what I expected! I’m a Jersey princess by heart, and the place was a cute, long, mobile. It was in a rather rural area when I had said I wanted more city. But when I saw the yard, my heart opened to a width it hadn’t had been at in a long while. It was clearly love at first sight. And now, fairly situated into our new home, I have to say I love it with all its lovely quirkiness. So, the message is to be open to what you want however it comes, seek out the attributes and feelings of what you want and trust, trust, trust. I am grateful for this gift from the Fairies. (Thanks to Shaeri and Jerry, of course!) To read more go to the diary.

Animal Communication · Animals · Intuition · psychic tips · spiritual lessons

Animals mirroring us

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Do our animals take on our stuff? Do they mirror us? Or, do they just have similar issues? Or, are they affected by stress, or genetics? We discussed this in the most recent class I taught at Yavapai Community College. My answer is that everything is not cut and dry. All these questions are true. Different times and circumstances we may find different answers.

Recently, in one situation, I found that the answer was that our animals mirror and hold our energies. Sarah, my lovely, older beagle mix, had a bladder infection. This was during a time I was particularly pissed off at the world and everything. I hadn’t even noticed at the time I was instinctually downing glass after glass of cranberry juice. In hindsight, I wish I had given some to Sarah.

We moved to our new place and Sarah’s bladder infection, with my anger, dissipated and began to heal. She was doing great and so was I. But through a series of events, my balance got thrown right off. Sure enough, Sarah had an ear infection that threw her into vertigo! Later we would find at the vet’s office, she had a foxtail deep in her ear that had to be removed. What I heard intuitively was something that was there, and shouldn’t have been, was ready to come out and was dislodged causing problems. Ironically, when the foxtail was discovered, I spent those days emotionally “processing” alot of old stuff that needed to go. 

I finally got it, the lesson, through my loyal, dog friend. I looked at her and said, “Sarah, let’s get our balance back. You don’t need to take this on.”

After lots of talks with my helpers and friends, a ton of writing about whatever spilled out, I felt my balance return and my clarity. Sure enough, Sarah’s visit to the vet revealed a clear and healthy ear. Coincidence? We know better.

Can talking to your animal end the mirroring and carrying? As an over-responsible empath, I can say that it has been a challenge for me to learn that “carrying is not caring.” Perhaps, Sarah is learning the same, and no amount of conversations will simply stop the pattern until she gets it, or perhaps, I get it.

empaths · sensitivity · spiritual lessons · whimsical illustration

Empaths carry too much

designingfairy

Everyone I know is going through major stuff.

It’s like we all decided that now is the time to really deal with the big issues of our lives, and get rid of major karma–major hindrances–so we can finally be free. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always look or feel pretty. I joke lately how what I’ve gone through in the the past six months equaled the combined experiences of the dentist’s root canal, a pap smear and having to give a speech in grade school class totally unprepared. As hard as it has been, on the positive side, I am also clearing out major beliefs that I held onto for years.

What I’ve discovered…

Have you ever stopped and realized how much of our stuff isn’t our stuff at all? As sensitive folk, this is much the case. We carry so much for others without realizing it. In my work on healing, I’ve seen so much I’ve picked up and internalized from my loved ones, and even beliefs or issues that were my parents from long ago. Perhaps as sensitive little empaths, we sponged all that wasn’t said or acknowledged, and in our desire to help, we took it on.

How much of us believe the following:

  • Parents should sacrifice themselves completely for their children.
  • We are only as worthy as the amount we give to others.
  • Carrying for others is caring.
  • What we do and accomplish = our worth.
  • Who you are is either bad or good as judged by your behaviors.

It’s amazing how much these beliefs can block us. I found that out.

And now, it’s like I am having a huge identity crisis. Who am I without the old life and these beliefs that shaped my world? I guess I will soon find out.

(character: the scientist)

spiritual lessons

What I’ve learned about myself

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Once the dust settled and the pain has subsided more, I realize I am learning so much about myself that was buried for years. For the first time in twenty years, I am alone, and at first, scary, it is beginning to feel very freeing.  I went practically to my parents’ house to my husband’s house with only a few years in between in a dorm room. It’s amazing how we lose ourselves in what we think others want us to be. Perhaps, this really is my new adolescence.

So, to make a list honoring my new found knowledge, I give you my “What I’ve Learned About Myself List”:

  1. I am not and have never been a soccer mom. I hate that cart-the-kid-everywhere persona and you have no life. That is not me. ( No disrespect to the soccer moms out there who are better matched). I always saw myself as someone who would carry their baby in a backpack while visiting museums and flower gardens and traveling the world. I see myself more as a teacher for a child.
  2. I like going to sleep late. I’m not a real night owl but 9-10 pm bedtime feels right and I love to write at 3 a.m.
  3. I like unscheduled time that lasts for hours. It’s nirvana for me.
  4. I am not thrilled with rural areas, and yet, that is all I’ve lived in for the past twenty years. I miss the city.
  5. I like sex because I am a very sensual person. I like textures, feelings, touch.
  6. I hated dealing with therapists all the time and teachers, etc. It was a huge drain having everything revolve around the kid with no results, no growth and no reward, but a ton of abuse. If she had grown from it all and thrived, it would have felt worth it. Sacrifice everything as a parent is a very false belief. What you have left is nothing for yourself or even to give.
  7. I like not answering to anyone. I can make my own schedule. I can decide what I want and need. This is a new concept for me. I am so used to being focused on everyone else’s needs.
  8. I like having my car and that means my own control and steering. I enjoy driving.
  9. I hated that I couldn’t be angry and say what I wanted for fear I’d be abandoned. I see now that was wrong. You should be able to still say what you need, express your truth and anger, and not have fear someone will shut off or punish you.
  10. I need community and belonging to thrive.
  11. I’m not simple. I am a complex being with lots of depth. I’ll never be simple. My mind never stops going. I am highly intellectual and analytical.
  12. I’d hate being a foster mom or respite mom or anything like that working with kids all the time in the house. I’d hate it. I hated being reduced to a role and not a person, without alone time I’d overload everyday.
  13. I like some positive limelight. I like seeing my name on books and getting recognition.
  14. I am not a morning person, nor will I ever be. I like getting up at 9 am. I once had a job that started at 7 a.m.and I spent the first few hours delirious and clumsy. I’m still not sure how I drove to work each day.
  15. I love watching movies lately. I love analyzing the story writing. Good writing really feeds me.
  16. I love having friends. I depend on them and I love having and giving to them. I love having so many friends on Facebook to rely on and communicate with, and I feel great that I don’t have to feel guilty that I am that social or have to look over my shoulder.
  17. I love the arts. I really don’t like hiking. It feels silly to me. I like sitting in nature. I am not athletic except for dancing. This is who I am.
  18. I really hate board games. They feel ridiculous to me. I get “bored” so easily.
  19. I hate pop music, especially the teenaged-singers. It feels too bubblegum and canned for me. The station 102.7 is annoying; like nails on a chalkboard.
  20. I think that God’s greatest gift are dogs.
  21. And, I am finding I can pick up what others are not saying and what is happening underneath so easily lately, that it’s like an unspoken dialougue. I do think that would explain my impatience. I already got it, felt it, know, and then I want to move on to the next thing. I guess that is why small talk gives me headaches.

What’s your list?

healing · Intuition · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Are you an Emma Lou or a Cranky Patron?

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Bill and I went to the new library the other day and I am writing this from a cozy seat there now. You should see the new building. It’s a bit out of place in our AZ town–modern architecture, futuristic design, bright orange chairs and state of the art computers. It looks like a spaceship. I keep wondering when we are going to take off.

While hanging out in the non-fiction area, I overhead the beginning of a conversation.  A woman with her daughter was complaining about the new library. It’s too big…she can’t find anything…why didn’t they carry this book or that? The complaints didn’t stop. The vent was blowing on her head (but she refused to move). They only have one vegan cookbook and it’s not even the most up to date.  

I glanced over at Bill who frowned. “Why then, doesn’t she leave?” He whispered to me.

After twenty minutes of this barrage of nasty complaints, I was feeling cranky myself! This woman, I thought, must be absolutely miserable. How can anything good get through that?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve had a few bad days where my nasties probably came out like that–in a barrage of criticisms. This was a scary mirror I didn’t want to have.

When we got home, there was Emma Lou Bangles, our 3 year old basset girl. (A mirror I’d like to have.) Emma Lou, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of the cranky library patron. Emma Lou is excited about everything. A leaf? Cool! The sun is out? Yeah! A kiss? Oh good. A moving bug on the carpet? Even better!  She is a high energy, vibrational being made of pure God. All she sees is light.

Perhaps the cranky patron was once like Emma Lou, and somewhere along the way, that light inside of her got horribly blocked. She couldn’t see the leaf, or the sun, or even delight over the crawling bug! They all become nuisances.

So, today, which are you? Don’t become a cranky patron. Hang out with the Emma Lou’s and have them rub off on you.

Hey, is that glitter? Cool….