Category: new thinking

new thinking · spiritual lessons · writing

Don’t Wish You Were Someone Else

designingfairy3 Comments

comfort

I went to sleep upset with my life and wishing I was someone else.

Halfway through the night, I journeyed and had an amazing dream message.

I was at a school taking different classes. I was traveling with a friend between classes when I looked down and noticed I wasn’t me! I was tall, larger, and had light, black skin. I panicked!

“What color are my eyes?” I asked my companion. “Brown,” she answered. “Where are my green eyes? I like having green eyes?!”

We wandered around the campus with me feeling steadily uncomfortable. As this new body, I noted that I was less visible than in my short body, realizing now, being little garnered much more special attention. Being taller I was lost in the crowd, even invisible.

I missed the way my rings looked on my fingers. How my hair curled naturally in little ringlets on the ends. Where was my little pug nose? I realized I liked my face, if even for the familiarity of it. Maybe even missed it, which was weird because it was my face I’d find the most imperfections!

“When do I get my old body back?” I pleaded to my friend.  “This doesn’t feel right.”

“You don’t. This is yours now.” she told me flatly.

When I woke from the dream, I was so relieved, and for the first time in awhile, I was happy to be me. This was an unusual lesson learned, because I spent most of the summer wishing I was something I was not. I saw myself in others’ eyes–being inferior to others–which, perhaps now, wasn’t real at all. Where I was short, I thought I should be tall and long. Where I was fair, I thought I should be tan. Where I was curvy, I thought I should be slim and narrow. Trips to the pool made all of this thinking worse! I thought I was not enough and invisible as who I was. And now with this dream, I realized whether it was others’ perceptions or wants, it didn’t matter, because deep down, it wasn’t mine. Being all those things–short, curvy, fair–is who I am right now, and who makes up Ronni.

How many messages do we receive on a daily basis, or, even messages that replay over and over from the learned past, that tell us who we are is not enough? That someone or something is better, so we should try to be what we are not. As if we could? How often do we stop to really look at ourselves and see the beauty we are and the superior gifts only we possess?

I remember when I was in college–a huge campus in Maryland–a much younger Ronni. Where I thought I was special, there were now hundreds of folks that were just as special. If I could draw, there were those who could draw expertly. If I could dance, you guessed it, there were amazing dancers. The worst of this equation happened when my small group of pals let in a new friend. She was also little and funny, and even, brown hair and green eyes too. My pals seemed to like her better! Why, I wasn’t special at all now.

Tears rolled down my face when I relayed the story to my Mom, and it was there that I learned where my “not good enough’s” originated from. She didn’t say that I was special just because I was me, or anything like that. There was only silence on the other end of the line.

I’d like to go back to that college girl and tell her, “We aren’t our parts, or, because you are  short, have green eyes, and will later teach fairy stuff. You aren’t your special abilities or your talents either, or even what you do. You don’t have to be something you are not–such as tall, narrow, or dark–to please someone else, or to be loved, or even wanted. You should never have to work that hard for love or acceptance. Like an individual snowflake with it’s own combination of beauty, you are unique. Love what you are right now. Accept and revel in it! All of it is you. Enjoy every bit of it–whether, the crooked nose, or the juicy thighs!  You don’t have to try to be someone you are not, because, when I was, I wasn’t happy. I missed me. ”

And for Mom, and her Mom before that, I wish you heard the same message long ago.

Earth energies · healing · new thinking · spiritual lessons

555 and the Soltice Energies

designingfairy2 Comments

gazania

The clock has been flashing “555.” I know this to mean big changes are happening, so every time my soul and Guides call my attention to the clock, I know to ask for all the changes made to be for the best and be gentle!

In my animal tarot deck, the New Beginnings card — frog — keeps showing itself. Frog is also about clearing/cleansing so new beginnings can take place. (I can attest to that! I’ve emotionally upset and rashing out!)

I have talked with so many students, clients and friends who are all going through the ringer lately, in the past few weeks. I do believe there was a door opened recently for souls to enter and to leave. Anytime there is an influx of big energy coming in, there needs to be energy coming out. We almost lost our 95 year old grandfather around this time and each other, the same time as Farrah, Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon all made their departures. I’ve been hearing the crickets chirp! Crickets: the sign of death and rebirth.

Thanks to my friends who sent me energy reports confirming that June was going to be a time of huge energy shifts and transformations. It feels like we are in excellerated speed. Not just in a cosmic/spiritual perspective, but also on a more practical level–perhaps with all the big changes in the world in economy, the president, downfalls, we are forced to face our own negative stuff and see what needs to be changed–the things we always battled, didn’t like, complained about, that hurt, didn’t work–and finally have to surrender to fixing or changing them. And that  is not a bad thing! It has to change! But for sure, if we battled these things for a long time, it will feel like painful birth pains to get rid of them to birth a new way of living (the birth analogy one good friend has expressed to me and another friend also expressed a few days later!) It’s as if we finally have no choice. Pretty exciting stuff as long as we lean on our support & each other, be brave and strong, trust, and face forward. Happy birthing.

new thinking · spiritual lessons

I am finding in my business..

designingfairy2 Comments
  1. When I keep my focus on what I want and am very clear, I able to manifest and attract good into my life.
  2. When I have business, I usually attract more business. When I panic and focus on lack, there is dead silence.
  3. I do not focus on words of whoa about the economy. I simply do not believe it for myself, and have had the best month financially last month. So, does that make what we experience all about what we believe?
  4. We are all being asked to think out of the box and think creatively with our businesses. I know one man whose business has gone downhill because his biz relied solely on the housing market. He is being asked to be very creative with his thinking now and how can refocus his talents.
  5. When I take the time to have fun and play and really enjoy myself, business increases! This is far from what I have been taught in my life. Play was for after work was completed! How could I take time out to play when I was so responsible? But now I am finding that I want every aspect of my business to be fun and joyful to me.
  6. We are so guided and supported by so many invisible hands and paws.
new thinking · spiritual lessons

Spiritual Perfectionism

designingfairy3 Comments

I must say, it is spiritual to be cranky. And to be mad, or upset, or sad. It’s all included in the package of being human. Lucky us. The Secret, is a great book, but the problem that came with it, is many of us think we have to only think positively all the time or we attract bad stuff. That’s a huge burden to carry, and most of the time that only means repression of the yucky thoughts.

I grew up in a household where my dad, unable to deal with anything emotionally heavy, would say, “Only tell me the positive stuff.” Ouch. Where’s the support or the validation? I do not want my grown-up world to reflect this also!

You will have times in life where things just suck. It’s the up and down of life we can count on. Right now, my life is in topsy-turvy and the last month has in some ways, has sucked. Most of my best buds are going through the same thing. I do like to focus on the positive end of it; the lessons being learned. But, I also have felt FRUSTRATED, ANGRY, UPSET, SAD, REALLY PISSED, and a bunch of other not very pretty things. But, you know what? That’s good! That is a natural reaction to losing someone you love and experiencing big changes. In order to get to the other side of the tough stuff, sometimes you need to barrel right through and feel it. THEN you get to the lessons and the gifts.

My friends tell me I need to talk out my feelings and thoughts and then I come to my own answers. That usually involves expressing all the poo underneath. Neither of my friends or my husband say to me, “Oh how very un-spiritual of you, Ronni. You should only express good things.” Yes, I need to say what I want. But sometimes, you need to let out and express what you don’t want to find out what you do.

after death communication · Animal Communication · Guardian Angels · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Guidance through dreams

designingfairy1 Comment

Over at Julia’s Leonine Times, she mentions “So many of my friends as well as clients seemed to be in the midst of a personal armageddon.” (Do sign up for her newsletter. It’s very helpful.) Reading these words, I felt my body relax. We weren’t the only folks experiencing the crazyiness that is happening. Energetically what IS going on in the world? On the bigger scale, financially things are falling apart to be rebuilt. Makes sense, we all seem to be experiencing a painful rewiring and restructuring of our lives, as I described in my last post. In my life, this showed up as a crisis in our family  relationships. What HAS helped was my connection to Spirit.

When Foxy was dying, I had closed off. So many messages I was receiving were false or incorrect. (Turns out many well-meaning spirit relatives were trying to help me feel better with false “it will be fine.”) I wanted nothing of my Guides and helpers. I was angry and upset. They had promised she’d be here for another year or two! What I did trust was Foxy’s voice through it all, which was honest and true expressing what she was experiencing. A friend reminded me to lean on my helpers now when I need it the most, but I couldn’t. I didn’t trust it. What has come through in spite of my will, has been the enormous help I’ve had through the dream state. Every step of the crisis I would wake with profound knowing and understanding. Many of those times, I remembered being with Foxy’s spirit or dreaming of school. Through my dream state, true guidance could come through. Perhaps this is a different way, a restructuring of how I listen and receive guidance.

Intuition · new thinking · spiritual lessons

The Universe is streamlining me

designingfairy

The past few weeks, the Universe or God (whatever your preference or beliefs), has been streamlining and cleaning up my life. It doesn’t feel good or look good, but I am sure when it is done, it will be what is the very best. Our relationship with our daughter is going through huge upheaval from her early past coming up (frustrating because we don’t have any control over her past),  and affecting the present, but we are finding through lots of needed family therapy, the family needed the re-tuning to be a more harmonic group based on the present.

We will soon be moving to a newer and nicer place that we hope will be a better version for us. After selling our house, our first rental wasn’t the best. We lucked out with this temporary gig because we could have all our dogs, etc., and the rent was cheap, but we’ve been living with one bathroom and I got clearly the lesson was to ask for and expect more.

Today, a representative from Fairy School in the UK informed me that Fairy School, those words, were copyrighted. That fairy school is a francise of kid’s parties. Sounds good actually. If I was in the Uk, I’d probably want to attend. My school consists of psychic and very woo-woo classes, probably which, the little girls might run from screaming. So, I had to retool and rename everything Fairy Online School, which, once I get past the huge irritation and all the hours redoing the website, I realized was much more of an accurate name. I do offer, afterall, online classes, and it is an ON LINE school.

I am thinking of cutting my hair, maybe streamlining that. I think I will take the initiative so the Universe doesn’t have me catching my hair in a door or something. Sorry, cancel that. But you get the drift.

Maybe I am just being forced to be more honest with my life; more authentic and truthful of what I want and need. In those areas where I am holding on to what doesn’t belong, it seems I am getting some help eliminating, whether I like it or not.

healing · Intuition · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Knowing Your Limits-it’s enough

designingfairy

Why are all our big lessons so hard to learn?

Last night on date night, I got sick on dinner and almost had a full-blown panic attack in my favorite hang-out, Barnes and Noble. A little FYI, Pampass Grass (for recentering) and Rose 81 (for calming down after emotional breakthrough) brought me out of the attack pretty quickly.

It occurred to me in that moment, that perhaps, just maybe, I could be asking too much of myself right now. I’ve been up nightly with Foxy, our red dog, since December, who is progressing nicely now, but had been seriously ill. Before that, we had a crisis with our special needs daughter that left us beat-up and spent for months. Do I grant myself a rest? No. I plunge forward! I’m a soldier. Strong and independent.I can prove it! I can take on and handle whatever God or the world throws at me.

When our bills got out of hand to pay for Foxy’s care, we posted on our blogs, and pleaded, tried to raise money and worked harder still. More exhaustion. Because, certainly, we should be able to have tons of money for care, right? But Foxy was getting better on her own accord. She was healing herself. We were assisting with some meds and fluids. Friends came out of the woodwork to help with more natural methods. It wasn’t all my responsibility to heal her. But still, I put the pressure on myself. I was a bad parent for not having everything we needed, and this was echoed in the shaming vet we dealt with.

We watched as money dwindled, and because of the economy, relatives held tighter to their wallets out of fear, and in the process, pulled away emotional support too. They were nowhere to be seen! (After all, she’s an old dog anyway. Ouch. And I mean, big ouch). We felt seriously abandoned and more tired!

My reaction through all of this was to push harder, work harder, and yell at myself for not trying enough! Nice, huh?

But today, after flipping out in Barnes and Noble, and becoming good pals with the toilet (awful visual), I realized that when I blame the world around me for not being supportive and asking for too much, maybe I am doing this to myself. The world will always do this in one way or another. The folks who were withdrawing their money were not emotionally supportive either. And, those who were supportive, would be so even if I didn’t do a thing–didn’t try at all. An amazing concept. This trauma just brought this knowing to light.

Could I recognize that what I do is enough? That it would have to be in this moment? Could I support myself and ask less? Could I recognize how much I already was doing? Pat myself on the back for a bit. Could I change this pattern and not find myself wanting to puke and panic in my place of worship?

We do what we can.

empaths · healing · Intuition · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Psychic vs. scientist

designingfairy1 Comment

scientistI am slowly learning:

  • I question myself when around someone who is more of a “scientist” and is unbelieving. One of Foxy’s vets looks at me like I am crazy when I tell her what Foxy is feeling or what I “get”. She took xrays of Foxy’s back and showed places where she had problems. She said, “She may or may not have any pain.” I said, “Yes, she has pain. I told you that. Several times. In those exact places.” She just ignored me. The woman only looks at the numbers and doesn’t seem to have the intuition or feeling to see what is happening. Being an empathic/intuitive person, I can’t even understand this. I was furious she would question my abilities or expertise of ten years when I don’t hers. It’s out and out disrespectful! And worse, around that energy,  I begin to question myself.
  • Perhaps, she is mirroring my own doubts. My Guides had given me advice about Foxy’s health I questioned because I didn’t see results in front of me. I had to act on blind faith and I haven’t been able to do that. Perhaps I too, am the scientist.
  • Trusting even though situations may look bad or hopeless: I remember when we were selling our house a few years back when the market just started to go downhill. At the time, I was getting advice from our departed dog of all things. Talk about faith. But, I wholeheartedly trusted  Lucy and I felt her spirit, and heard her. Lucy said we’d find that buyer and said when- March. There was a bit of a snag. A realtor came in March bringing an interested client and the client fell through–couldn’t get financing! We were then approached by a shady couple to buy our house cheaply. Was this the buyer? This couple felt so horrible, I had a migraine after talking to them. We decided to go with faith, said no, and decided to wait it out. Glad we did. Only two days later, that nice realtor came by again with our buyer. That buyer who picked out our house from a huge list of houses unseen and said, “That one.” What if I hadn’t trusted? I’d have missed the miracle.
  • We do need that balance: science balanced with intuition. If I treated Foxy for her kidneys with just faith, I don’t know if I’d see results. We still need the medications for support and the fluids. There is a role for each. I know if I had bacterial pneumonia I sure as hell would want some antibiotics and not just hands-on-healing to wipe it out.  I’d need both. Getting information that is happening is needed from the animals and Guides and then the vet/doctor can come in and do support. We can use natural support–plants, etc., but we still need that. I guess, it’s all balance.
  • We are not just test results. You need the full story on all levels what is occuring to a person or animal. Too unbalanced a view doesn’t give the whole picture.
Animal Communication · Animals · art · healing art · new thinking

Buy For The Love of Dog

designingfairy

Check out my preview video for my children’s book for the “new” kids:  For The Love of Dog, then order a copy!

new thinking · spiritual lessons

Pulling away old beliefs; self esteem

designingfairy4 Comments

I love how the Universe throws in your face what you need to work on when you need to work on it. Many times, the stuff coming up is the stuff that is finally ready to leave. In the past few weeks, my past arrived at my front door–all the old stuff that brought with it old messages that when I tell myself these things I feel like poo. Had it become so automatic in me to talk to myself like that?

Our relatives visited and with them came very old roles I no longer fit into, as well as, old familiar insecurities and bad feelings from long ago. Then there were the old friends which brought back very old roles & a teenage persona, and I realized how different a person I was now. But why were the feelings that came up as raw as if I were back in those school days? Because when the stuff is leaving it IS in your face. It’s time for it to leave! All this old stuff I realized, was a great deal of other people’s stuff that I took personally. As an empath, I often do that. I get lost in the goop and forget to get out.

But that visit and the old friends & the old stuff brought me grown-up realizations which is a good thing. There were old beliefs. One big one yesterday I’d like to share. My folks believed (and still do) that your worth is based on how things look. So, whenever my life or I didn’t measure up, or wasn’t as good as, or didn’t appear big or exciting enough, I wasn’t worth while. This belief was so buried down I had no idea I even thought it! (I actually had an old boyfriend in college look at me and tell me I wasn’t glamorous enough! That same belief coming up to clear.) And you know what? Here, all along, it wasn’t my belief to begin with!

Gradually I am realizing my life, for me, is about how I feel. Am I happy? Does what I do make me feel good? Help others? Do I feel good? My soul and who I am is much more than how I appear, as for everyone of you.

What beliefs have come up for you lately that are ready to vamoose? I’ll give you a clue which ones are the old ones, any belief that starts out by saying, “You should be _____ (fill in the blank), to be acceptable.” Let it go…