Category: new thinking

new thinking · self esteem · sensitivity · writing

Un-empowered sayings

designingfairy

I’ve been creating this line of cards with empowering sayings lately. I then came across a blog with very un-empowering words and I thought, how much of us have been pelted with these kinds of comments in our lives? You know what I am talking about…words that bring you to the knees into shame.

So, here’s my Sayings for Greeting cards We Never Want to Read. Ever.

  • Your best is not good enough.  (ouch!)
  • You just didn’t try hard enough! (ouch!)
  • Don’t cry. Just soldier on.  (ouch!)
  • I never really loved you. (really below the belt!)
  • Why can’t you be more like your brother? (or sister?) (hello?)
  • This is probably the most you will ever be. (that was low!)*

Okay, now that you feel like total poo, don’t EVER believe any of that.

Here’s something to raise your spirits where they belong.

It’s a beagle riding a bird. Can’t be cuter than that. Smiling, eh?

(* Have any more beauties to share you’ve been pelted with? Unleash their power here in the comments).

new thinking · spiritual lessons

Being Seen

designingfairy2 Comments


How many of us were not seen as children? Our parents were too busy with their own stuff to really see our talents, our gifts, or who we are. Maybe they had a tough life and were protecting us by thinking we needed to be something else. Some of us were lucky and had that blessing and may be thriving now with that support. But what if you’ve never felt that?

I wrote a book awhile back of children’s stories. One of them was called “The Hair Dog.” In the story, from a day of miracles a dog is made from a pile of dog hair. He spends most of the story quite invisible to his newfound family and maybe even a nuisance, until one day he meets the rest of his kind where he’s truly seen and appreciated. (See the book here.) At the time I wrote it I didn’t know it was coming from a deeper place inside of me. I just had a whimsical story to tell.

The other night I watched one of my favorite movies, Avatar. There’s the romantic love scene when Jake says, “I see you” to Neytiri. We’re blown away by this moment, and can literally feel the deep love he has for her pop off the screen. In healing circles we say “Namaste.” You acknowledge the light/soul you see in another. Empaths see the world at a deeper level. Once we get past our own sh*t, we are able to really see another and the love can feel intense. We see their light in spite of all the other “stuff” in the way. We may even want to run away from it, but we still feel it. Then we get frustrated and upset when they can’t really see us because of their stuff that gets in the way. We’ve been there, we know. You just hope they can get to the other side of it.

Emma Lou, my basset girl, is great at being seen. I could have used her talents growing up. She makes an entrance into the room and if you are too busy to see her, she firmly yet gently pushes your arm and hand onto her back. She knows and is unembarassed by needing to be seen.

I thought recently why I went into the work of animal communication. One of the big reasons was I felt the animals didn’t have a voice. They weren’t seen! I felt huge satisfaction when I could translate the animal’s needs and its life transformed positively.

Bottom line, I think that is what we are all looking for. We want to be deeply loved, honored and seen for who we are, and have it be more than enough. Not that is should be embellished, or changed, or molded, or be something else to please, or to have to compete with anyone else, but to bask in the feeling that we are, just as we are, bright little stars.

Maybe it is as simple as finally being seen by ourselves.  Seeing how deeply special each one of us is.

Namaste dear reader.

new thinking

Do you block your way with fear?

designingfairy

I had a fear attack yesterday.

It felt a little like eating a whole bag of microwave buttered popcorn in one sitting. When you are done eating, you look around you, butter on your hands, missed popcorn pieces on the floor, and you say, “What happened and what did I do?”

With the tiniest fear that came out, I grabbed for more fears throughout my memories. I reached more for the negativity. Called it. Pulled it in. Like that bag of popcorn, I went out of my way to attract more fears until I ate the whole bag.

This is similar to feeling discouraged, so you grab the phone and call the one relative who will discourage you more.

You can really mess with your head at this time and confuse your psychic ability with truth.

I’ve done this with the health of my dogs. Sarah limps a little and there you have it, it’s cancer. Then I think about when Emily died and her symptoms. By the time I’m done with this rollercoaster ride I even must have cancer.

Maybe it’s inherited from my jewish grandmother who believed that if you feared it, you could prepare for it. Rather than be prepared, I think she lived in the fear state most her life.

I need to see what the original trigger was. I had some success which scared me. With that success, I grabbed for the past, a past I knew that was already done and couldn’t hurt me, so I thought. It was better than the unknown. I could nest in my fears, safe to not move forward. But that’s as crazy as my Nanny’s distorted belief.

What fear are you grabbing onto? What feelings are you avoiding? Where’s the truth in the fear?

new thinking

What if we are a different sort of animal?

designingfairy

How much of our lives are spent trying to fit into others’ concepts of who we are or should be, when we are a different animal altogether.

What if there is a map inside of us of where to go?

I’m re-reading Martha Beck’s FINDING YOUR OWN NORTH STAR. She talks of the signs you experience when you are moving away from your essential self and more towards your social self. I’ve experienced this phenomenon recently when I tell myself I have to do something. Nothing seems to work out on that path.

In the next chapter she talks of signs where we are heading toward our own north star and the clues to find which way that is.

If I list the times in the last few months when I felt that passionate rush build inside me these are the inner directions or map:

  • I loved the recent ghost tour I took with the Wild Boomer Women meetup group. I wasn’t as interested in the history speeches as I don’t think I learn that way–audibly. I’m visual and hand-on. During long speeches, I actually exhibit very ADD-like symptoms, with some part of my body moving in some way. It’s been a long time since I felt that much excitement and energy moving through my body as we walked the streets of Jerome and the old high school. I was living one of my passions, registering energy, picking up the stories.
  • I love Project Runway and I am not ashamed to say so. Seeing the textures, the colors, the designing process, all fill my head with such joy. (Ignoring the obvious nasty cattiness.) Not since the Ghost hunter’s series have I been so completely addicted to television.
  • Spending time with my animals. Last night I fell asleep to Sarah putting her sweet beagle head on my stomach and Emma Lou snuggled close next to me on the other side of me. It was a bit on the warm side, but I felt so completely loved, important, and wanted. Pure bliss. I used to love doing professional animal communication when the animal was in front of me and we could literally roll around the floor as we “talked.” No wonder why I burn-out when I switched to all phone readings.
  • Writing my blog. What better way to teach what I have learned than to tell my stories.
  • I finally got to sit in my yard yesterday. It’s been terribly hot or terribly rainy lately. My squash plant is huge and overflowing. There’s new flowers coming up everywhere. When I am in Nature, I feel myself again. I am also in awe. There is so much to see. So much to explore.

What do all these have in common? For my essential self, being hands-on–seeing, feeling, being with–is my bliss. Anything more removed will only make me unhappy.

Where have you seen even the small glimpses of your inner passion, and therefore, your essential self peeking through? What is the common thread between the clue? There’s your map.

Animal Communication · empaths · Flower essences for sensitive · new thinking · spiritual lessons · supernatural

Science vs. Psychic

designingfairy2 Comments

I have this analytical part of me. I love to take apart a puzzle and put it back together again in my mind. Usually I can see what the missing piece is in a situation, and have an idea how to fix it. I need to see it or experience it to believe. This is the science part of me. I think also, it may be a Capricorn trait. We love the structures and rebuilding things.

The other part of me is the sensitive/psychic part. I’m a walking barometer of what is happening around me. I pick up a ton of information, not all of which is helpful to me. This part is very emotional and feeling-oriented.  It involves believing the impossible sometimes.  I just know what I know. It seriously pisses off the other part.

I am realizing that many of my experiences in life have had the purpose of finding balance for my two sides. When Foxy the wonderdog was very ill (her story is in this blog), I was furious at the veterinarians for not hearing any of the psychic information I was getting of what Foxy needed. They didn’t hear me when I got info that might have been illogical, but true. She sure looked like she was dying at that time, but everything I “heard” was that she would be just fine.

I’ve had many, many clients that had their animals misdiagnosed by veterinarians because things appeared one way, but were another,or they even refused to see the obvious or to look closer, and psychically I picked up information that saved those animals’ lives. There’s that balance again.

And yet, I’ve met healers who thought their beliefs and spiritual healing would save and heal their illnesses when they ignored medical science that was truly needed at the time. It’s like trying to treat schizophrenia or bipolar disease with only a past life regression. Or diabetes with Reiki healing alone. Without insulin, that body support, how can you survive?

When I wrote the Fairy School, I went into the experience as more of a scientist exploring hands-on how I felt making and working with flower essences and Nature. I read all I could, researched and learned the science, and then I blended my psychic impressions and learnings. I was bit in the butt several times when I went too much in one direction, not researching proper information on the how-to’s of making essences, more noticably, making essences from poisonous plants.

I am convinced that most veterinary schools need to offer classes in animal communication. Most psychic training needs to includes a psychology foundation. There needs to be that balance to be fully prepared and effectual. Without one or the other, it’s just missing pieces in the full puzzle.

new thinking · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Grabbing Backwards so you don’t move forward

designingfairy

Moving forward is scary. Bursting through that comfort zone isn’t always what we want to do. This weekend I had a down day. My energy was knee deep in the past and I was feeling downright awful.

Once again, Sarah, my beagle mix, was my teacher. Last night for the first time in a long time, she was pacing the hallways and not listening to me and reverting to old behaviors. This is how she was when we lived at the other house and when life was filled with chaos. What a great picture she gave me to see my own energy reflected back. I even had the nerve to get mad at Sarah and yelled at her!

The problem was not that I wasn’t moving forward, but I finally was. I had moved past boulders of childhood and current stuff and was coming to the end of understanding so much. I even had realized what this new Ronni wanted in her life. That’s when fear stepped in. With fear, I tend to grab on mentally and rework and analyze things to pieces, whatever I can grab onto. This usually involves pouring over notebooks and writing. I do believe that is what I did the other day.

I think this is a normal part of the process for most of us. We grab onto “backwards” when we find ourselves moving forwards quickly into an unknown. It must be a human thing.

So I ask myself what I am truly needing instead of chastising myself. A new concept! I need to grieve, yes. That’s part of the process. Looking at the past, I can still hold on to what worked or what was dear, but then I get very lost in the pain and what didn’t. I think I need to find a way to soften the moving forward so I feel safe. In meditation I saw myself like Alice in Wonderland after she takes the “eat me” or was it, “drink me.” She grows so big she is cramped into a tiny hallway  and finally her limbs burst through the windows of the house. Being that big can be a bit scary. Change is scary. Losing what was support and foundation is scary. Can in this moment I make a safe nest among the change?

I immediately think of  Speedy, my tortoise. When I let him out in the morning, I watch as he zooms around the house confidently exploring all that he can. He’s so brave as he conquers obstacles in the way like dog tails and shoes. But when he feels scared or threatened, he pops his head in or finds a corner to hide for a little while. In his tank, he heads for his little turtle tunnel to hide under. I need to create a safe corner or tunnel for in between my explorations into this new world. Maybe that is what all the ruminating about the past is about–popping my head into the past because it’s comfortable and known. It’s an unsuccessful attempt to have a stop in my movement.

Today I will explore a healthier safe corner to pop my head into instead.

doodles drawings · healing · manifesting · new thinking · pen and ink drawings · whimsical illustration

Daily Bliss

designingfairy

I am taking Sheri Gaynor’s online Creative Awakenings 30 Day Expedition. One part of that is to participate in 30 days of daily bliss. Being an artist, I thought I’d take advantage of this opportunity to draw out my bliss. Here’s the first few days:

After participating in one day of bliss-making, I experienced a fun cosmic joke. On the highway I found myself following a truck. The back said “Bliss.” I had to laugh out loud when my thick brain grabbed the message “I was following my bliss.” Ha ha! Well, we will see. One day at a time to a new Ronni.

dogs art · new thinking · pen and ink drawings · whimsical illustration

Gratefulness

designingfairy

Today I am just grateful…

…for all the loving support

…for prayers answered

…for my dogs I cuddle at night

…for dear friends

…for feeling safe

…for my fairy castle and yard

…for guidance

…fror the ability to help others and the gifts to help others

…and for the neighborhood rooster and crows who wake me up in the morning, because I’d probably sleep until 10.

healing · Intuition · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Are you an Emma Lou or a Cranky Patron?

designingfairy4 Comments

Bill and I went to the new library the other day and I am writing this from a cozy seat there now. You should see the new building. It’s a bit out of place in our AZ town–modern architecture, futuristic design, bright orange chairs and state of the art computers. It looks like a spaceship. I keep wondering when we are going to take off.

While hanging out in the non-fiction area, I overhead the beginning of a conversation.  A woman with her daughter was complaining about the new library. It’s too big…she can’t find anything…why didn’t they carry this book or that? The complaints didn’t stop. The vent was blowing on her head (but she refused to move). They only have one vegan cookbook and it’s not even the most up to date.  

I glanced over at Bill who frowned. “Why then, doesn’t she leave?” He whispered to me.

After twenty minutes of this barrage of nasty complaints, I was feeling cranky myself! This woman, I thought, must be absolutely miserable. How can anything good get through that?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve had a few bad days where my nasties probably came out like that–in a barrage of criticisms. This was a scary mirror I didn’t want to have.

When we got home, there was Emma Lou Bangles, our 3 year old basset girl. (A mirror I’d like to have.) Emma Lou, on the other hand, is the complete opposite of the cranky library patron. Emma Lou is excited about everything. A leaf? Cool! The sun is out? Yeah! A kiss? Oh good. A moving bug on the carpet? Even better!  She is a high energy, vibrational being made of pure God. All she sees is light.

Perhaps the cranky patron was once like Emma Lou, and somewhere along the way, that light inside of her got horribly blocked. She couldn’t see the leaf, or the sun, or even delight over the crawling bug! They all become nuisances.

So, today, which are you? Don’t become a cranky patron. Hang out with the Emma Lou’s and have them rub off on you.

Hey, is that glitter? Cool….

art · healing · Intuition · manifesting · new thinking · spiritual lessons · writing

Losing my heart food

designingfairy

I think my heart is closed down.

I just came back from a dance class at the college, which felt glorious and fun. Doing fun dance steps, swaying to the beats of the music, brought me back to the olden days when dancing was nurturing for me. I practically grew up in a dance studio from the time I was four or five. My second home, is what my Mom would call it. The poor woman had to play taximom to my sister and I back and forth to the studio. I grew up with the owner’s daughter, Haley, and I have fond memories of playing with Dawn dolls and dollhouses in her room at the back of the studio.

There are some bad memories too, when I got older in high school, still dancing, but then battling body image, a tough teacher now saying curves were not good, and as a result, the beginning of an eating disorder. Some of those memories are coming back as my older body has entered the dance class among the young ones, but I don’t want those memories to override my joy.

The coincidences are overpowering right now in regards to this class. My one dance teacher was Russian and called me affectionately “Runny.” This teacher at the college is also Russian. When I heard her call my name the same way, mixed feelings swept through me.

Old loves and lost joy are the themes coming up for me now. I used to adore writing and took every class at the college I could. My first writing class I met one of my best friends and felt a delicious belonging I hadn’t felt for some time. I am now taking a class in play and screenwriting, which brings me back to my acting days, more times of belonging and happiness.

I haven’t lost drawing, which I am grateful for. Through the years, however hard they may have been, I kept at it. Paper and pen flowing.

Ironically, I taught my Fairy Joy class this summer for the first time. I needed the class most of all. You see, I had lost my joy and closed my heart. I know this now. We are raising a very sweet and charming kid, who has lots and lots of issues from having a very tough beginning. That beginning colored her world and made it a place of hard survival and trauma. The problem is, she doesn’t differentiate between then and now. She has the same tactics: manipulation to get what she needs, lying, false accusations, splitting, triangulation, creating drama, etc. It’s way above even the normal teenage stuff. But what she shows others is a perfect young girl, so we look like the bad guys. As you can imagine, it’s been very, very hard for us to give while not feeling anger.

So, I am exhausted. I’m spent. My husband and I  meet with several therapists a week to learn how to parent her and try to undo the exhaustion, the lack of joy, and the misunderstood & uneducated comments from the outside world.

Which brings me back to my joy and the classes. What I wrote first here is the most telling. Dance was nurturing. Through trips to the studio I spent time with my Mom, who has since crossed over too early. Mom was nurturance growing up. Writing is from my soul–a gift from me to you. Drawing connects me to that little girl unaffected by the losses and pains of the world. In the process of trying to heal our little girl, we got caught up and began to live in the rollercoaster of her world–a very dark, hurting place. And much worse, those who were meant to be helpful, hurt us much more, by not witnessing us or honoring our needs. From this dark place, we forgot how to nurture ourselves. We may even have felt we didn’t deserve to be nurtured. The message we repeatedly got: Parents only give selflessly and have no needs of their own. I’ve seen this dynamic lately mirrored in my outside world by not getting what I need–the very basics. But I had forgotten the food for my soul, the very basics for my inner world’s needs–the art, the words, the movement, the mothering!

God, the Universe, my spirit helpers, brought me to these classes and gave me the coincidences. This has led me to the understanding that we can not give from an empty place. As parents we have a right to our own needs too. As healers, artists and teachers, also. We need to open our hearts again and we can only truly do that when we are fed.

(If you are needing your joy back, consider the Fairy Joy class to rediscover what feeds you. Sign-ups are happening right now.)