Category: empath class

empath class · fairy lessons

A lovely review

designingfairy

“I am on my last class TAG101 to achieving my certification for Animal Communication!! I have loved all of the classes I have taken with Ronni and will continue to learn whatever she is teaching in the future!! The classes associated with Animal Communication ROCK! I have always thought I was empathic enough but now with all of her tricks of the trade revealed and new ideas I have resolved many issues with my departed loved fur babies that helped me feel less guilty about decisions I was trying to make regarding them and their last little bit of time with me here on Earth. It became very personal and hard to share but all in all just an amazing journey!! Thank you Ronni for giving us such an amazing platform to learn from and while your journey is moving in a new and fabulous way I will try to keep up with you and take in all the fun and fantastic things you are creating anew!! Fairy School is amazing and I will miss it, but as you have said on to new and more fun things (paraphrasing there)!! Thank you so much and many blessings along your way!!” — Jan Wilson,  Northern Nevada

Many thank you’s to Jan and all the students of the Fairy and Empath Online School. Right now I am offering Mentoring Packages here and developing new creative classes and programs over here.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills

Five Ways to Make Better Boundaries So You Don’t Get Pissy

designingfairy3 Comments

outsidein2

Yesterday I weeded. My entire yard is a giant weed from all the rain and early Spring. My allergies aren’t that bad so I sat down and began pulling, even though it seemed a daunting task when I began. Surveying around me I realized I might have made a small dent. I was fine for hours until mid afternoon and I felt like I was in the middle of a bad two-week cold with congestion and a voice that sounded like frog. Silly me, I forgot to create a boundary beforehand, meaning, take some allergy meds before I went outside to weed.

As per usual, the simple situations in life often mirror what I am learning, although learning how to set boundaries, as a sensitive empath, is probably my main lesson in this lifetime. But I have been forced to look at the many ways I don’t put in a preventative boundary in place or are reluctant to do so.

5 Ways I Need to Set Better Boundaries

Drum roll please…

1. I have to admit that I have pure panic when I am about to say NO and disappoint someone, or say I can’t do something. It’s usually happens when I need to take care of myself first and my body or needs are screaming. I am definitely a pleaser, and when I really care about someone, I want to please them BAD. And in prior relationships, if I said NO and spoke how I felt, I was punished in some way, so there’s a part of me waiting for the sentence or aftermath. I don’t please you, you won’t like me anymore. I will suffer by being ignored, rejected, or worse. (I actually have one friend I am terrified to speak up to and disagree with for fear of the aftermath.) Since as a sensitive I am FINALLY learning that I have limited energy reserves since I overload easily, and I am recognizing my limits and when I simply need that time-out. It’s my responsibility to let others know this, and hopefully, they will respect my needs and not take it personally because it isn’t about them.

2. I need to learn how to put boundaries up on others’ demands. I’ve never been good with this one. This falls into the category of pleasing others vs. pleasing myself also. It’s funny how everything goes around in circles back to that solid fear of punishment. Dang, maybe I need to look at that.

3. I need to not get others involved in my relationships. When everyone else is involved or has a say in your relationship, even from a place of concern or love, it still isn’t a good idea. They have no idea all the small pieces or details, they only hear you when you are upset, and then you invite them into a space they don’t need to carry, and then they are upset. Plus, they have their own ideas, fears, and experiences that cloud you. Nothing like having a well-placed fear that you didn’t have before fester inside. This goes for projects too. I realized a long time ago, that I only share what I am doing AFTER the fact. Going back to school? Working on a children’s book? Changing your hair color? Show/tell them after you did it. Trust me on this one.

4. Learn that not everyone has the same boundaries. A few of my extroverted acquaintances can talk my ear off all day or would probably visit and not leave, and my introverted self wants to simultaneously combust at the thought of it. Not because I don’t like them, but I’ve got that limited reserve thing. Some friends don’t need a lot of space or have no problem sharing important details of their lives, but I need space and privacy. One is not bad or good, it is just learning each other’s boundary language.

5. I need to ask for what I want and need. Lordy, this is a big one, and fits in with the other four. I see the roots of this one going deep down into the ground. I’m afraid to ask for what I need. Whether it’s support, or help (a big one), or more time to complete a task, or a shoulder to cry on when I need it (never been good at asking for this one), or attention, or money for what I offer (don’t want to be too pushy). This falls under boundaries, because when I communicate these things I help others to respond to me better. It’s a more direct route then pouting, assuming, resenting…you get the idea.

And finally…a big little hint

And a little hint, any area where you are feeling like you want to scream, “Get out of my f*cking space!” is a strong indication that one of your fences has been breached and you hit a boundary. Anger has its purpose.

How about you? Do you relate? Having a tough time with these areas setting boundaries?

Off to take some much needed Benadryl.

Fairy blessings,

designingfairysig

 

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So incidentally, I write more about boundaries in my two fav classes, Better Boundaries for the Sensitive, and Empath Skills class. Both have a new session starting March 20th. Go sign up to learn more!

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · empaths

Clear Expectations and Rubrics

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clearexpectations

I have a guilty pleasure.

I watch reality television. My favorite kind of show are design or cooking challenges. I am a Project Runway addictee and I’ve pretty much watched every season up to date. This past weekend I finished watching the finale for the past season and HULU suggested another show, Australia’s Top Model. I do admit to watching the last guys and girls season of America’s Top Model, and I was entertained by the drama and the fashion photography. That show falls into the same category as the cooking shows I watch. I am a horrible cook so watching good cooking is a bit of a fascination for me. There’s no stress because I know I will never aspire to be even a bit better than I am as I have no talent in this area. The model shows are much the same. I will never be 5’10, twig-like, flat-chested, or eighteen again, so it’s safe to witness another world I will never be a part of. I have realistic expectations.

Surprisingly, the Australian show was much more brutal with criticism then the American show. From watching a two season marathon (yes, I watched two seasons while drawing most the day),  it seemed the judges made up the rules as they went along. Girls were judged by their runway walk, but once they got that down, they SHOULD have worked on their photos instead. And the judges picked out their final photos from a large pile they took of them usually choosing the best or the odd one of the bunch to their preference. Sometimes, criticism made perfect sense and we, the audience, learned a great deal about how to model, although, I have to say, I really don’t have that interest. Other times, criticism was random and odd. Particularly brainless was giving the girl criticism about the size of her butt who clearly showed signs of early eating disorder and was model thin.

All this model show watching had me thinking about clear expectations. I am realizing something rather important as a sensitive. I need clear expectations. What is often hard having my own business is that there is a part of me that thinks, I will do all this work and offer all this, and in return, I will be rewarded with what I need. The problem is often when that doesn’t happen and I am left with an uneven exchange.

Most sensitive folk are very responsible and we like to please. Whether that pleasing is for approval, and approval can mean acceptance, or it is simply to keep the peace because we hate conflict. In order to please we need the rules, and the rules, like in that tv show, aren’t always very clear. We want to know that if we do A/ then B/ we get a reward. Many situations we think we do A and B, we may even get chastised for not doing C and D, when we hadn’t even known there was a C and D, which is what often happens with unclear expectations or hard to please people.

In Grad School classes we were told about Rubrics. We had set expectations for each course we took describing what was expected of us. If we did a certain amount of work we received a grade. If we did things well or did more than expected, we received good grades. None of this was subjective, it was super clear. If I wanted that A, I had to do a certain amount of work and I was rewarded. WE NEED THAT!

I think we’ve all lived through situations growing up that we may have been expected to be more extroverted and do things like extroverted people do, and to be less sensitive or emotional.  This is much like being asked to be eighteen again and model thin. Impossible expectations are just that…crazy and unrealistic. We will fail but not because of what we are attempting. Trying to please and fulfill those expectations might be even crazier. (It’s what I call the Treadmill). Maybe it’s time to walk away from situations that ask that of us and be pulled to the ones that have a very clear, upfront formula for success. And if isn’t clear, we can ask that it is.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · empath mentoring · Empath skills · empaths

Are you picking up thoughts? New class

designingfairy4 Comments

The other day I went to Walmart and got my usual Walmart headache. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the prices and the fact that if I need a Vacuum bag that fits only a Kenmore C, I can get that alongside my favorite cookies. As an empath, I usually pick up a ton of feelings that aren’t mine in that store, probably because of the Dome Affect. There are no windows in Walmart. There is no energy circulation, so to speak, so it all gets nicely trapped inside. And the thoughts are rampant bouncing around the walls hitting you, henceforth, the Walmart buildup headache. All these bouncing thoughts had me wondering about psychic ability of Telepathy.

telepathy

You can pick up thoughts from someone ruminating on you from far away, and walk away with them thinking they are own, much like the latest virus. Next thing you know, you are feeling hyper, angry or crazy (that’s their energy you are picking up from those thoughts.)  It’s the ability where you know who is ringing your cell before you even say hello. It’s even the knowing you have when you use animal communication on your dog companion.

In this new mini class, we will explore our telepathic ability and how to unload and balance it out, and then develop it to be able to read more energy and not feel so overloaded in our brains. It’s a superpower ability you already have! Check out the class HERE, which starts in only a few weeks. Sign up in October to get the shiny Early Bird rate over here.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · empath mentoring · Empath skills · empaths

Weird Ass Energy Alert

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weirdass

Have you noticed the last few weeks energy has been kinda wacky? For the empathic person, this has been a crazy time.  Perhaps it’s the dreaded Mercury Retrograde, which has been talked about often in local new agey circles. It could be the overall malaise from the country battling things like weird ass fears (Ebola), unexpected losses (Robin Williams), and news of terrorists cutting off heads and being brutal, magnified by the wild moon action (red eclipse). Energy-wise to the sensitive, the energy feels choppy, bumpy and well, weird. Manifesting seems like a struggle and uphill battle, and our usual guidance might even be quiet (I hate those times of feeling disconnected). How do you get through it? I have noticed many colleagues and friends avoiding Facebook and the News, which, especially has been a big downer. Taking plenty of time out to touch base with Nature or be alone to regroup is also helpful. And telling yourself, this too will pass, is a good reminder. Hang on Sensitive! With any energy build-up, there needs to be a release.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · empath mentoring · Empath skills · empaths

Sensitive, Empathic or Celery?

designingfairy

celery

Not everyone that is sensitive is empathic. Not all folks that are sensitive are highly sensitive. And some, are celery. I realized this a few months back when I met a bunch of folks all at once who were sensitive (I tend to draw in lots of sensitive people, I’m guessing because like attracts like, or perhaps, because I wrote a book on it), but not all were empathic, or even highly sensitive. You can be one that is very feeling-sensitive, meaning, your feelings are easily hurt, but you don’t have a clue what someone else is feeling. Some folks don’t even care, and then fall into the Insensitive category.

Sensitive Empathic.

A sensitive empathic person, who I like to write about it here on the blog, is one that is not only sensitive to the environment, energy or feelings, but who is also empathetic to others’ feelings. This type of person can feel what others are feeling as if those feelings are their own. They are great at reading others, and tuning into a room and knowing what “radio dial” of emotion that room is set at, and have the habit of picking up lots of stuff that isn’t their own.

Sensitive.

A sensitive person is one that can have their feelings easily hurt, may feel some things deeply and others things not so deeply, can understand other people sometimes, but may not be empathic in anyway, or tuned in to intuition, or that spiritual connection or energy. Some sensitive people can be very un-empathic with others’ feelings because they fall more in the celery category, and it can be very confusing to other sensitive people, who assume because someone is sensitive, they are also tuned into the feelings of others.

Highly Sensitive.

I just love Elaine Aron’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person. She talks of the special class of folks that are Sensitive Empaths who are, you guessed it, also highly sensitive. Not a freak of Nature, but I think, more of an evolution, these sensitive have bodies that are wired to pick up all kinds of energies and frequencies, that many can not. They process and take in a great deal at one time.

Celery.

Celery are not bad or good, and no judgement by the way, I just chose the word Celery because it came to mind, and I think I’m hungry. (Yeah, now that I think of it, I’m craving a big salad). Celery folks are not sensitive or empathic. They are the thick-skinned which most the time stuff, just bounces off their backs. They are the opposite of the empathic and are here for balance,  and the empaths are here to balance them. We need the folks that are not empathic at all and can live in a world that pretty much just includes their feelings and that’s it. To the empath, this would be like a vacation! And the Celery need desperately to learn how to be more empathic and consider others’ feelings too. The Celery are often extroverts that are able to have a bubble around them that is just their world.

The Insensitive.

We can all have our moments when we are insensitive, especially times when we are too involved in our own stuff to think of others, or when we are so overloaded that we just shut down and off (common in the highly sensitive or sensitive empathic). No one is immune to this dilemma. But then there are the category of folks that are just insensitive and mean. I tend to believe that deep, deep down, these folks are very sensitive and have big walls up to protect themselves that have harden to clay and now they don’t feel not much at all. It is best to avoid the insensitive and remind yourself, it is not your job to melt their clay, nor can you.

So, which are you? Have you met the different degrees of sensitivity? Do you recognize any of these in yourself or others?

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**Hey, I just posted October classes for the Sensitive. Registration is open now. Hop on over to see HERE.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · empath mentoring · Empath skills · fairy lessons · psychic ability

Reading energy and the movies

designingfairy

Continuing with the Preview Week and Open House at Fairy & Empath Online School, the following is from THE EMPATH SKILLS CLASS, which starts September 26th. This week only, Subscribers sign up for class and get Care of the Sensitive Workshop 1 FREE or Better Boundaries of the Sensitive audio class.

Reading Energy and the Movies

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We read the energy of the animal or spirit we communicate with. But, do you realize that whenever you pick up a magazine, you are bombarded with subliminal messages and energies? What a great gift it is that you have the ability to read energy and pick it up before it reaches you.

For instance, picking up the latest fashion women’s magazine, GLAMOUR, I notice there are lots of articles and photos thrown at me that are expecting me to look a certain way. There’s Do’s and Don’ts for dressing, ads with skinny and tall models, and clothing outfits they want me to buy and wear. If I walk away from reading it feeling awful and insecure, it was because I didn’t recognize the subtle energies coming at me, and that the radio dial or frequency was set to “Perfected Appearance.” On the other hand, if I pick up OPRAH magazine, I feel uplifted and hopeful, even educated. This magazine is set to HOPE or EMPOWERMENT, so I walk away positively influenced.

Naming it is a great way to separate out what is sent at you before it becomes yours.

I love movies and belong to Netflix. I can’t wait to run out to the mailbox each day and receive my little red envelope with my movie. I’ve watched a great deal of movies and television series in the last year, fine-tuning my ability to discern what shows are best for me and what ones bring me down.

I recently rented a compilation DVD of ghost-hunting movies and shows. I like Ghost Hunters which is a show where a team of ghost hunters go into homes to help solve their ghost mysteries. Their intent is to help, and although spooky things happen, the show doesn’t usually upset me. I felt awful watching the collection though. I could feel a little nauseous, anxious and uncomfortable. That night, I didn’t want to turn the lights out to go to sleep! The show’s radio dial was set to FEAR, which in my body, registered as anxiety. When my dial went to fear, all of my fears were nudged up to the surface. Not something I wanted or was helpful to me.

Now it’s your turn to go to the movies.

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Go sign up today here.

Subscribers, look for special coupon in the mail today!

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · empaths · psychic tools · sensitivity

Empath Skills Class

designingfairy

sensitiveempathad

 

Here’s the LINK.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · healing · sensitivity

Being sensitive and people overload

designingfairy

overloadpic

I haven’t blogged for awhile and I apologize, dear readers. I’ve been busy with Designing Fairy Cinema and writing my next book; not to mention adjusting to Giant Puppy’s needs. (Okay, I just mentioned it.) Actually, she’s been really good.

I wanted to write about overwhelm, which is one of the biggest issues sensitive folks encounter. I thought, why not write about the topic when I’m feeling the least overwhelmed? I’ve pretty much had gotten so used to that frantic state I miss the adrenaline rush. Back last year and half of this year I was dealing with taking care of an incontinent elderly beagle, Grad School classes, my business, and a part time job. I was stuck in the fast lane to get everything done and pretty much lived on sugar to keep my natural humming bird energy up. I loved the classes and I miss Sarah, but I’m starting to adjust to enjoy the calm, natural energy.

It’s easy to overwhelm when you are sensitive. We take in so much information at once at a deep level that it’s easy to tip that balance in the red. And if you are in a vulnerable space emotionally, it’s really easy to blow your fuse.

I remember a few years back going to an outdoor concert with a friend. I took one look at the huge crowded line in front of me and almost blew a gasket right there. My breathing quickened, and I forgot about my feet. The line was moving at a caterpillar pace to the ticket booth. We weren’t even in the stadium and I could feel panic rising. We made it in and there were lines of chairs on the lawn in front of the stage and bleachers everywhere. Thank goodness the stadium was outside otherwise I’d have felt trapped.

I asked my friend if we could sit in an aisle so I wasn’t sandwiched in and he didn’t understand and ignored my request.  I needed some air  and psychic space around me. More and more people took the seats surrounding us. I couldn’t breathe. What made things worse, was the performer wasn’t on time! So the waiting went on and on with me stuck like a sardine. This was too many damn people! All this energy around me. I could feel hopes, dreams, thoughts, issues. Yeah, sure I put up some protection, visualized a couple bubbles. But that was a lot of people.  I could even shame myself for not being able to stand firm against all these energies. Yeah, that’s realistic.

Once the concert finally started I was in better shape. Focusing on something fun really blocks out the noise. I sang, I tried to dance in my chair, but I still felt boxed in.

And then even my friend started to crowd me. My friend wanted to go in the casino afterwards. Hey, why not? Let’s see if Ronni can blow a fuse in public and explode in little pieces all over the flashing little light machines. Thank goodness for my body. I got a migraine that tried to push out all those visiting energies. I had to go home. I tried to explain, but I wasn’t being heard, so I stormed out.

grrr

Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying that? Shouldn’t I toughen up? Heck no! Part of being deliciously sensitive, is knowing yourself. If you were allergic to peanuts, would you scream and tell yourself that you needed to toughen up? No! You’d frickin’ avoid those peanuts at all costs. If I were put into that situation again, I’d do a few self care things:

  • I’d sit in aisle seat. Maybe even find an area that had lots of space around it. I’d try to make those needs met.
  • I’d allow myself to take lots of breaks where there weren’t so many people. Maybe take a few bathroom breaks. Take a breather outside the stadium if necessary.
  • I’d find a new friend to go with. Sorry, but my friends need to know me and listen to what I need to do for self care, whatever that’s about or is.
  • I’d bring ear plugs. I’d still hear the music but it would drown out the high noise.
  • I did take flower essences at the time but I think I’d need some really strong ones for protection and calm. Probably grab for Rescue Remedy.
  • It would be okay to “small” it down. What does that mean? It’s like that pie in my freezer right now. I could have some of it. I don’t have to eat the whole thing at once. I could watch half the concert if I wanted, which would be enough to enjoy, but not too much to overwhelm.

Overload happens not just in crowded situations. I can feel crowded by other people. If I have a lot of demands coming at me, I will try to please everyone around me, make them happy, do a good job, and then I can overload on that pushing energy. I will take on way more than I should.

I remember teaching book illustrating with a fellow artist at a Montessori school. The kids were so lovely, creative and open-eyed. I fell in love with them. But those teacher hours are slightly insane. There was rarely a break away from the energies of these kids who each individually demanded a great deal of attention, which I was trying to give. I hadn’t learned at that point how to know my limits and regulate my energy. I would come home at the end of the day either bursting into tears or having signs of physical overwhelm.

Now keep in mind, being sensitive doesn’t mean I can’t handle a lot or am “delicate.” That’s super important to point out. Honey, I’m stronger than most people I know. Ask my closest friends.  The amount of stuff I can handle emotionally far outweighs my physical sensitivity.

There’s nothing wrong with us. No, we shouldn’t be living in bubbles. We are what we are. We’ve got that fine-tuned nervous system brilliant for some things (and amazing gifts that come with that sensitivity, that you will notice the non-sensitive flock to for answers) but it just comes with some special care  instructions.

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A little note about upcoming classes. I will only be offering the core classes this November. The Empath Skills class now comes with a little yummy twist (a mini reading). Check out and sign up for it here. If you want to be informed about the upcoming books in the Sensitive series, do subscribe to this site (sign-up found in the right sidebar).

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · empaths

Shiny Object Syndrome

designingfairy

fairy

 

I’ve been trying to learn this one video editing program. Trying, may not be the correct word. It’s been a little like writer’s block where you take out the pencil and pen, the paper, organize your work space, but no words are flowing. I’ve set up my work space, have the video class all ready to go on the screen, but all of a sudden there seems to all these distractions! There’s friends to chat with on Facebook, which I love to do anyway. The girls are getting a little nutsy in the front yard so I need to supervise. There’s that pie in the frig that has been calling me for three days. And gosh, would you look at that, I still haven’t learned one lesson on that video. What is wrong with me?

It’s called Shiny Object Syndrome. There’s no pill or support group but it’s so common among creative and sensitive people. We like colors, and shiny things, and less tangible things like new knowledge and insights. Throw in the empathic thing and we are drawn into others’ stories feeling their sadness, their pain, their losses.

Empathic folks take in a great deal of information at once. We don’t just see the chair over there. We see the peeling paint, the yellow peeking through the wood, and we notice the seat cushion could use some sewing. Every now and then I often wish I could be shallow and only see that surface!

I wondered the other day if maybe I have Adult ADD and not Shiny Object Syndrome. And in a flurry of worry, I did some research to rule it out.

So I took the quiz I found over at Psych Central. Okay, that test isn’t so helpful. I know I’m hyperactive sometimes, but I think that’s inherited energy from my grandmother, and part of my nervous nature. And I can definitely concentrate and stick to a project once I do start. I also have my deeply lazy moments, although my head rarely shuts off. I read the 15 Signs You May Have Adult ADHD, and it’s not fitting me. Elaine Aron’s brilliant self test fits me to a T. I already know I can be a sensation-seeking sensitive, as she calls it. So, I conclude after all this research, it is a big part of my sensitivity.

How do you cure the Shiny Object Syndrome then? I would think you don’t! Why would you want to? I am finding that there is a gift there. Without it, I’d be a dull workaholic. I wouldn’t take breaks or have a full life with friends, and beauty, giant puppy playing, and rose smelling. Perhaps, then, Shiny Object Syndrome shows up just when we need it for that balance. Because maybe I just needed a little break before I dive into my video learning.

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For more tips, check out my book HELP! I’M SENSITIVE, online classes EMPATHIC SKILLS & CARE OF THE SENSITIVE. I am busy at work on the sequel book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.