Tag: sensitivity

ronni's tips · self esteem · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons

A book on Boundaries and Focusing on the Solution

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I was guided this weekend to head over to my local Goodwill shop. Now this wasn’t twisting my arm, because I LOVE that store treasure-hunting. Their book selections are hit or miss and I was grateful I landed on a day that was a HIT. Apparently, someone who is into psychic communication and other forms of healing cleaned out their bookshelf. I found several books that would assist me in what I want to teach right now including color healing and a few books on boundary setting, which is perfect for those that are sensitive.

The book on boundaries, Boundaries with Relationships by Charles T. Whitfield,  has some excellent tools, but perusing through it, I noticed I didn’t feel as excited as I did when I was reading the color healing books. Was the info bringing up too much upset? I could feel a ton of anger rise from inside of me from the many times I allowed others to trample or ignore my boundaries. I also felt a little slimed; even negative. What was happening?

I slept on it. No, literally. Woke up this morning and the book was under my butt, as well as my glasses that looked a little mushed out of place. Perhaps I was integrating the material more. But I also had a new awareness of why I felt uncomfortable. Many self help books are designed to package a set of tools. There are some good ones out there that present them well. After reading this one, I felt labeled, “bad,” (and there were plenty of examples given of what is good and what is bad). Crap, everyone has acted the bad part. Talk about unattainable.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent parts of the book also, but the slimey feeling was what I wanted to look at.

Guidance this morning was very clear: Focus on the solution and you feel empowered. Focus on the problem, and you are stuck IN the problem.

I see this when folks post videos or comments about what is happening that is wrong on this planet, whether genetically-altered food or bad politics. Hearing that news is like hearing about a case of animal abuse. I am left feeling upset, angry, and helpless against the problem. Helpless = slimed.

I like books and teaching that do not keep me stuck in a label, but helps me get out of that hole into a new role. I’m really digging Julia Cameron’s book, Prosperous Heart right now. I concluded that she teaches like how I want to, by story, and then by supplying a tool to help you empower yourself or shift your thinking. In her exercises, I focus on what I want and I feel hopeful and excited, versus what is not working. I don’t look at lack of abundance, but about what I want to create and the small doable steps. It is important to go back to the past for answers and beliefs that don’t work for you, but I sure don’t want to stay there. Reading her book, I am not labeled BAD because I SHOULD have more if I was just doing the SECRET right. I think I had the same reaction to that line of thinking while reading  the Boundaries book. There are enormous amounts of labels, time periods for how long it would take for when I was ‘better,” and most everyone I know are moving very fast right now in their healing beyond any so-called timetables. No one heals when they are stuck under a label, especially when they stay in their pain.

Perhaps it is my upbringing that is the button being pressed here. We were raised with psychology night and day. My father is a psychologist, my mother was a social worker. We were punished or admonished by psychological terms and labels. I would have preferred just being yelled at. Either way, what it produced in me at the time was a sense of dis-empowering; it was just another way to feel shame. I suppose it has the same effect as different educational programs that “weed” out people so only the strong can survive. I went to one design program that set impossible expectations and deadlines and gave out ample criticism. I walked away with not tools, but panic attacks. When I switched to a more unconventional college in another state, expression was valued, grades went from only A to C. The program was not only doable, but fun. And the result? I thrived! In fact, I still feel great love when I think about it. The school focused on the attributes of the students and brought them out (the solution).

Having any problem now, I want to focus on what tools I need now to create solution and that will give me more hope and self power. That’s moving forward out of the hole.

empath · empath mentoring · empaths · healing · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons

Is empathic residue or triggers? Nasty fairy attacks

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Like most of us that write or teach, I usually am learning what I need to share that week. With all this great lunar energy has come some good lessons and lots of insight. The lessons being learned haven’t been all too comfortable but big.

Yesterday I had a cranky or nasty fairy attack. I don’t have a great deal of patience as it is, but I was feeling super-impatient with others.

I went to Unity church yesterday feeling good and relaxed and found myself halfway through the morning cranky, drained and wanting to sleep. Keep in mind that the room was warm and even the Rev. complained that there were a few who were yawning through his lesson.

I concluded that I was picking up some nasty stuff including the general mood in the room of malaise. I did have a cranky encounter with one friend , who was being super-critical, and another who felt demanding to me because he was miffed I gave him the cold shoulder, so I figured I was picking up their stuff coming at me. That made logical sense and would explain my mood and energy drain.

Being an empath, which I am sure you can relate to, we can often pick up other folks’ stuff unknowingly even if they are thinking about us from far away. Discerning who and what it is you are picking up is crucial detective work. But what if what’s really happening is someone else’s SH*T is triggering your SH*T?

After a good night’s sleep asking for guidance, I realized that is exactly what occurred. Yes, I picked up on the mood of the room, but it was my interactions with my friends’ stuff that got me reeling and upset. ANGER is a great indicator that someone has blasted through your boundaries, which is a little of what had happened. But with new insight I realized that the big issue I had been working on from my past was being mirrored in their behavior towards me. They had just given me little clues.

When I woke up, I made a list of those behaviors that really peeved me and I could see there was a pattern developing. I continually got very upset when someone else demands of me with no regard to my needs, or is controlling and forceful while trampling my boundaries. This pattern was one that I grew up with and I probably wasn’t aware consciously that it upset me so much back then, but it stayed buried inside me until others push those specific buttons.

What I learned from this experience is not only that sometimes it isn’t empathic feeling I am picking up but those trigger buttons, but I also noticed that there isn’t a pat answer or explanation for every experience we have. If I had stopped there, and concluded that I was just sponging off someone’s feelings, or someone was psychic attacking me, or even that “bad spirits” were draining me, or, that I wasn’t “loving enough and they were only mirrors,”  I wouldn’t have gotten to the meat of that particular situation. That is one big thing I have against some new age or spiritual teachings. Every story is different, and that means different answers and different solutions. Blanket answers like “it’s all just fear or love,” may be true at the core, but doesn’t give real world day to day conclusions. Nor is “just love others” when the human relationship is so complex with all our stuff bouncing off each other! And I don’t know about you, but when someone tramples my boundaries or is abusive to me, just throwing love their way when I am supposed to be speaking up for myself and screaming NO! is not my answer.

 

after death communication · Angel Guide communication · Animal Communication · e-learning · empath · empath mentoring · empaths · encouraging creativity · fairies · fairy lessons · Flower essences for sensitive · Guardian Angels · healing · online courses · online fairy class · psychic · psychic intuitive website · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons · whimsical illustration

Reconnecting to Everyday Joy and Miracles this week

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Back in 2005, I started Fairy Online School. I was burnt out and tired in my intuitive biz from all the sadness I encountered, and I was going through lots of psychic, expansion changes. I needed support for my sensitivity and quite simply, a little joy to raise my spirits back up. In came that delicious fairy energy, and with it, my love for Nature, and the discovery of my first flower essence I created to heal.

What exactly is fairy energy? I believe we all have it deep down inside. It’s that joyful, playful part we had as children. It’s interested in discovery and gets excited over finding an inch worm on a leaf. It’s grounded in Nature and in our environment and our senses. It’s also that little bit of silly that has you laughing at inappropriate times when you need the humor the most.

This time of year, I always think of my mom, who crossed over in 1995, but is still a pretty active, visiting spirit.  When I was growing up, my mom shared with me the little delights in the world–collecting tiny toys for the holidays; having a hidden stash of candy to dip into; noticing the picture in the clouds; following  that cute, little inch worm on the leaf; and enjoying a good story. It’s the little things we can focus on to bring back the joy into our lives to keep us afloat when everything else in our world is crazy, and boy, life sure has been crazy!

I told my good friend the other day, if this is really end times, I want to go out drawing, snuggling my dogs, eating pizza and cupcakes every day! That’s the fairy way.

Fairy Online School is the marriage between that re-connection we have with the spiritual world that is filled with miracles, awe, and support, and the creating and enjoying with fairy energy as we learn!

I invite you to join us with the many from all over the world reconnecting to miracles, to those we think we lost, to new friends of support this Friday when Fairy Online School starts its new session. Develop your natural, intuitive abilities while having fun, and most importantly, reconnect to you! Head on over to this page to reserve your space in the classes of your choice that start Friday. (Go sign up for my newsletter, Fairy Blessings, and you receive a special fairy discount on classes).

Animal Communication · Animals · e-learning · empath · empath mentoring · empaths · online courses · psychic intuitive website · psychic mentoring · sensitivity · Spirits

We Learn What We Need to Teach and Insects in Dreams

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I am finding that whatever I am meant to teach at the time, I will be learning. Sometimes these lessons come gently and easily and other times, a little stronger.

Tonight I am teaching a teleclass on Better Boundaries for Sensitives. This is THE topic that as Empaths we need to tackle. As an empath, I have the ability to merge with an animal or person and retrieve a ton of information. There is deep connection there. It can feel pretty glorious, and give me great compassion and understanding for another. I can also do this with a spirit in the room or even a friend sitting across from me. This is all good. Having this skill makes life deep and rich.

It’s the unmerging that takes a long time to learn and isn’t a  skill we are taught in this world. We need to go back to our own center with separate boundaries.  I’ve been actively busy learning these skills as time goes on.

I visited a friend’s house and farm yesterday. To the outside eye, the place looked peaceful and quiet with animals strolling about. But to me, his place was buzzing with lots of spirits and energies. I was wide open and immediately heard messages. His animals were busy gabbing away at me also. I wasn’t overwhelmed, just very busy during the visit. When I got home though, I had LOTS of visitors and dreamt about all kinds of insects invading my space.

Insects in dreams can be a psychic metaphor for psychic invaders, leftover “other people’s stuff” and empathic cast-offs. Oops. Not a bad thing to connect, but I forgot to close down and clear out. In my dream state I could do that. Kinda like taking my container and emptying it out.

Other indications that you’re invaded by others’ stuff are dreams of intruders in rooms in your house or doors being wide open.

It’s not dangerous being a sensitive or an empath. It’s a gift, but we do need excellent self-care and maintenance which includes some new tools and skills.

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To learn more psychic skills and tools, sign up today for a Fairy Online School class, such as the Care of the Sensitive class, Spirit Communication 1 or Animal Communication 1.

Animal Communication · Animals · empath · empaths · psychic tips · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

The Used Car Salesman Personality

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Yesterday, I received a phonecall at 8 a.m. from a salesman from a web hosting company. He was perky and happy, and I was cranky and still hadn’t had breakfast. Immediately I felt his energy as if I was getting caught up in a strong wave in the ocean–I was deep under, pressured, and overwhelmed. He asked me a great deal of questions so I didn’t have space or time to even squeak in a “not interested.” He must have been looking down at a list of notes when he said, “So, you have just the one website? Fairyonlineschool.com?” I played dumb. I had over 6 months ago dissolved that website and morphed it into this one. “Sure,” I said, but I was deeply irritated. He hadn’t done the least bit of research on my company to see what I needed and what my company was about.

“Wouldn’t you love to have a company go over your site and make sure you have the right key words, etc.?” Now, I hate all that left brain marketing stuff. (Yes, some of it is necessary.) It may work for some companies, but I explained, “I have a very niche business with a specific audience and I seem to be reaching them. I need to do more of what I’ve been doing.”

“Yes, of course…” He went on and on not hearing me.

This pissed me off more. Here I am in a business that specializes in hearing people and even hearing the layers underneath of people, and all I could feel was that used car salesman mentality: he just wanted to make the sale and get the car off the lot. Who cares if a month ahead I’d find that the radiator leaks and the starter sucks and I’m miserable with the car?

I’ve met this personality before outside of business, and I’m sure you have,  and it’s irritating and upsetting. The question that comes to mind is, “where are my needs even in this picture?!” As empaths, we are so used to feeling others’ needs and wanting to help and please, maybe we even forget we have any needs in the first place! The salesman comes along to give you a gentle or not so gentle reminder: Oops, I forgot my needs again! Oh man, again? So focused on others, we get lost in the pleasing tornado. We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance. We will buy that lemon car and be resentful and pissy for months, or even years.

We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance.

The antidote is to know and state your needs, instead of ignoring them, or do what I do, which is whine and be bitchy when my needs are forgotten along the line. I suggest using what I call the EMMA LOU METHOD. Now there’s the Sedona Method and a bunch of others, but this one really works. When Emma Lou, my basset hound, has a need and wants to get her need met she:

a. puts her head in my hands gently to instigate a petting when she needs it

b. jumps up and sits on my lap when she needs attention

c. is naughty and steals food to get my attention

I don’t recommend the aggressive “c” tactic as it’s almost as bad and aggressive as the used car salesman technique. Tactic “a” is a nice one that simply states I need this and it’s up to you if you can give it to me or not. This is a great way to make your needs known while respecting others’ needs. Most humans can not use tactic “b” as it falls under the category of “awkward.”

Try it out. See how it works for you. I’m sure I will come up with a workshop and a best-selling book on the method, and then I will surely need an aggressive used-car salesman personality to sell it for me. Your phone may be ringing soon.

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To read more posts visit my new website’s Sensitive Artist blog here. and do check out my Help! I’m Sensitive book series there.

empath · empaths · psychic tips · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Update to the Post Office Story

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Empaths, repeat after me: My Perceptions Are Correct. Remind yourself often.

In my eBook, Help! I’m Sensitive: 50 Tools to Help you Thrive and Survive (offered on this site, incidently), I mention a story of catching a bad mood that wasn’t my own. The story tells of a post office clerk who passed along her bad mood to me, and being an empath, I began to sponge in the bad feelings until I realized what was happening and stopped the process.

My empathic sense that day was that the clerk was very burn out and angry, and I kept feeling she needed to leave this job. It was the job.

Interestingly enough, I found myself in the same post office the other day.  My stomach dropped when I saw who one of the clerks were behind the counter. I was in such a rush I had forgotten that I might bump into her again. Imagine my surprise when I glanced over to the side of the counter under her work station to see signs of “Happy Retirement,” and “Good Luck.” There was even a sign that said “Today is her last day. Wish her luck.”

Wow. My spidey sense was right on target! She WAS burn out. This was a woman who was counting down the days until retirement so she could leave and do what she really wanted to do. Like Senior days in high school, as graduation grows closer, the less you can tolerate school. And I am so glad I did recognize her feelings with my own, and I didn’t take them on and take her behavior personally. Well, I started to, but I caught it. A very valuable tool for all sensitive empaths.

Don’t you just love validation for lessons learned? And, what were the chances I’d be there her very last day?

empath · empaths · healing · Intuition · Misc. Psychic · new thinking · self esteem · sensitivity · spiritual lessons · writing

New book now available in paper

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New! HELP! I’M SENSITIVE ebook now available in paper and via snail mail too. For those who still need something tangible in their hands. Same great tools in another form.

Cute fun size

Buy the paper version: Paper coil-binded and printed version pocketbook (5.5″ x 4.25″) size, with shipping $23.99: Buy here.

 

empath · empaths · psychic · sensitivity · writing

It’s here! The new e-book!

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The e-book is completed! Pulled from my favorite entries here at this blog, with tons of new material written and new lessons learned, here are 50 tools to help you tame your sensitivity and use it as the gift it is. Go here to snatch up your copy.

This is a great companion piece to the Care of the Sensitive class, where you will learn how Nature tools can support your sensitive system.

empath · empaths · self esteem · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Catching a bad mood

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When you are sensitive, you can feel someone else’s mood a mile away, and it affects you like it would the smell of bad perfume. I learned an important lesson yesterday I wanted to share about setting boundaries and bad moods.

I took a detour yesterday and went to a different post office then my cozy, friendly one. I had to send a package via Customs and waited patiently in line. I had a few more packages fumbling under my arm that had to go to the States.

When I made my way to the Teller I felt it: Bad mood.

She looked at my package and told me curtly that it needed a Customs form. She talked to me like I was a moron and I was purposely insulting her. She then threw the form at me with no directions and brushed me away. Thinking logically, I asked her if I could just pay for the other packages and then fill out the form and she said no twice. That wasn’t how it was done.

The form came in a little booklet with lots of pages and made very little sense when you are in a hurry. I filled out the end form thinking that was the procedure and went back in line to face her again. This time I had the growing sensation of insecurity building up inside of me. “Was I stupid?” I stopped my train of thought quickly and sized up the situation. No, this woman had a “everyone is a moron but me” attitude going that I did not appreciate and it was affecting how I felt. I almost took it on.

Back in front of her, I lost my temper when she chastised me for only filling out the last form, without realizing that it was a duplicate and I should have filled out the first form.

“How the hell would I know that?” I snapped at her. I had been virally affected by her bad mood, and now I was hostile and on the defensive.

I walked away back to the desk to fill out the form “right.” That’s when the aha moment arrived. Eureka! I could walk away. I could take my stuff and go to another post office or even wait for another teller in line. I mumbled this out loud. I didn’t have to put up with her bad treatment or the bad mood she was flinging at others! I also didn’t have to get involved with defending myself or confronting her and showing her what she was doing. That wasn’t my job.

That’s when the Universe rewarded me immediately for my new lesson learned. The woman was so riled she walked into the back and was replaced by another teller who now was about to serve me.

This woman fawned over my cute little drawn mailing labels and stickers and complimented me. We chit-chatted about making art and how much we loved the process, and she told me about her art. When the transaction was completed,  she said “Nice meeting you.”

This was a 180 degree turn around from what I had just experienced! I told the world what I wanted and what I didn’t want. And I threw what wasn’t mine back at the person and basically said, “Here. This isn’t mine, it’s yours.” I won’t put up with bad treatment.

Now I do understand that working at the post office is a very stressful job. My husband worked there for years and told me the counter was the hardest job of all. And I am always trying to understand where the other person is coming from and have compassion. But the teller expected defiance, rudeness, ignorance, and received it, by being rude!  Her foul treatment passed along to me, and if I had owned her mood, caught that contagion, I would surely have passed it to many others throughout the day like a bad cold.

See it, just say No, and Yes to what you do want.

Earth energies · empath · empaths · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Baby Steps and New Year’s Goals

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Being both creative and a sensitive means I am highly imaginative, maybe even a hint of dramatic, and I overwhelm easily.

As a sensitive empath, I can get overwhelmed psychically. I already take in so much information on a deep level every day. Too much chaos around me equals chaos inside of me. I easily take on a great deal that isn’t mine.*

As a creative, I always have 3000 ideas for projects running around in my head. That is a very cool thing if I was three people in one.

The big guidance I am getting is to create baby steps so I don’t overwhelm and freak myself out. Here’s an example.

It’s time to make big changes in my life health-wise. I am completely addicted to sugar to keep up my hummingbird-like energy. So, I see the mountain ahead of me. Since I like climbing mountains I start to plan. I will get rid of all sugar in the house. I will substitute with healthy alternatives. I won’t buy dessert at dinner at the restaurant. Yeah. Right. This will last for about 5 minutes before the panic sets in and I will finish that box of leftover Christmas cookies. I’ve just raised the bar so much that I won’t succeed.

It’s Monday and the new year so it’s time now to do all my business goals right now. I will start my whole way of doing things in a new way all today. In fact, this week I will manifest my new publisher and create the full proposal and finish my healing deck. I will be completely organized with my scheduling. I will create ten new doors to opportunity…

PANIC. Where’s the cookies?

Baby steps make more sense. Even if you realized you need a new job, new career, new anything, you will still get there one step after another. There is no reason to overwhelm, or put that much pressure on yourself unless you are one of those overachieving, motivating speakers who seem to have superpowers or a good supply of amphetamines. (I doubt highly these folks are empaths.) For sensitive and creative people who tend towards this behavior, remember that change needs to happen slowly and steadily. What we really fear is the drastic and that’s not what we want to create. We’ve had enough of that kind of change in the past year, why hurt ourselves?

As a child, I was always going against my own rhythms and following others’ that didn’t fit me. I may be more of the tortoise than the hare, but I get where I need to go. I love Nature because Winter isn’t rushed so there’s Spring. There’s time for everything. There’s steps.

What’s your next baby step?

*I’m completing my Tips for the Sensitive Ebook that provides all those juicy tools on how to balance out your sensitivity.