Tag: Being Sensitive

ronni's tips · self esteem · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons

A book on Boundaries and Focusing on the Solution

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I was guided this weekend to head over to my local Goodwill shop. Now this wasn’t twisting my arm, because I LOVE that store treasure-hunting. Their book selections are hit or miss and I was grateful I landed on a day that was a HIT. Apparently, someone who is into psychic communication and other forms of healing cleaned out their bookshelf. I found several books that would assist me in what I want to teach right now including color healing and a few books on boundary setting, which is perfect for those that are sensitive.

The book on boundaries, Boundaries with Relationships by Charles T. Whitfield,  has some excellent tools, but perusing through it, I noticed I didn’t feel as excited as I did when I was reading the color healing books. Was the info bringing up too much upset? I could feel a ton of anger rise from inside of me from the many times I allowed others to trample or ignore my boundaries. I also felt a little slimed; even negative. What was happening?

I slept on it. No, literally. Woke up this morning and the book was under my butt, as well as my glasses that looked a little mushed out of place. Perhaps I was integrating the material more. But I also had a new awareness of why I felt uncomfortable. Many self help books are designed to package a set of tools. There are some good ones out there that present them well. After reading this one, I felt labeled, “bad,” (and there were plenty of examples given of what is good and what is bad). Crap, everyone has acted the bad part. Talk about unattainable.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are some excellent parts of the book also, but the slimey feeling was what I wanted to look at.

Guidance this morning was very clear: Focus on the solution and you feel empowered. Focus on the problem, and you are stuck IN the problem.

I see this when folks post videos or comments about what is happening that is wrong on this planet, whether genetically-altered food or bad politics. Hearing that news is like hearing about a case of animal abuse. I am left feeling upset, angry, and helpless against the problem. Helpless = slimed.

I like books and teaching that do not keep me stuck in a label, but helps me get out of that hole into a new role. I’m really digging Julia Cameron’s book, Prosperous Heart right now. I concluded that she teaches like how I want to, by story, and then by supplying a tool to help you empower yourself or shift your thinking. In her exercises, I focus on what I want and I feel hopeful and excited, versus what is not working. I don’t look at lack of abundance, but about what I want to create and the small doable steps. It is important to go back to the past for answers and beliefs that don’t work for you, but I sure don’t want to stay there. Reading her book, I am not labeled BAD because I SHOULD have more if I was just doing the SECRET right. I think I had the same reaction to that line of thinking while reading  the Boundaries book. There are enormous amounts of labels, time periods for how long it would take for when I was ‘better,” and most everyone I know are moving very fast right now in their healing beyond any so-called timetables. No one heals when they are stuck under a label, especially when they stay in their pain.

Perhaps it is my upbringing that is the button being pressed here. We were raised with psychology night and day. My father is a psychologist, my mother was a social worker. We were punished or admonished by psychological terms and labels. I would have preferred just being yelled at. Either way, what it produced in me at the time was a sense of dis-empowering; it was just another way to feel shame. I suppose it has the same effect as different educational programs that “weed” out people so only the strong can survive. I went to one design program that set impossible expectations and deadlines and gave out ample criticism. I walked away with not tools, but panic attacks. When I switched to a more unconventional college in another state, expression was valued, grades went from only A to C. The program was not only doable, but fun. And the result? I thrived! In fact, I still feel great love when I think about it. The school focused on the attributes of the students and brought them out (the solution).

Having any problem now, I want to focus on what tools I need now to create solution and that will give me more hope and self power. That’s moving forward out of the hole.

spiritual lessons · spirituality

There’s no room in spirituality for shaming

designingfairy

I had an odd experience in one of the groups I’m involved in on Facebook.  I lost my cool and finally had to speak my mind. I’m sure that is not becoming in a spiritual teacher, but I am only human…well, half human.

I’ve been discussing lately with family and friends the experience of being shamed growing up through organized religion. I was amazed at the common experiences among several different religions.

I grew up Jewish and married into a Christian family. In the Jewish religion, according to my Grandmother, there are enormous amount of rules in order to be a good person including how you cook and what utensils you use. I doubt very highly God cares if you follow any of them. We weren’t supposed to this or that and you had to have a Bat Mitzvah, go to Hebrew school, etc. etc. I didn’t do any of those. They just didn’t resonate.

Once I was married, I realized in the Christian religion there were even more rules to acceptance. And it didn’t matter what I did or believed anyway because I was already not going to be accepted because of the, well, Jewish thing. I already didn’t believe in many things my family of origin did, such as, when you die you just die and you live on in memories. After all, as a child, I had too many spirits visiting me at night. Who were they then? And the non-acceptance of Jesus as loving guidance or teacher was a tough one also when at 14 I had a profound vision of him standing in front of me when I needed love and support the most.

So, according to organized religion, I was in an in between state of non-acceptance. Not belonging to one or the other, according to the rules.

How does this all apply to the Facebook group?

I recognize the same rules and shaming underneath those rules among the “new age” group of thinkers. There’s a running belief you create your reality 100% so if you have horrible things happening in your life or negative people, it’s because you are thinking wrong and doing it badly. (I hate the SECRET). I liken this to what a little child believes that the whole world revolves around him and he can control it with his mind. Yes, we attract what we focus on and what we are learning. It is called Earth School after all. But the negative parent or friend being a jerk? Or the idiot who just cut you off in traffic?  That’s reality because there’s lots of people in the world we encounter in our lives. We don’t live in a bubble. The awful illness? What if you inherited or was born with a bad heart? Are you a bad thinker then? What if you are still in the learning state where you aren’t aware of what you are attracting or need to learn? Then you need compassion as you learn the tough lessons, and, as we progress and grow, sometimes the curriculum does get harder maybe because we crave more wisdom and more healing.

I guess the bottom line is there is perfectionism behind any religion with rules,  and perfectionism is about shaming ourselves for not being perfect or doing it right. That’s not possible or is it desirable. Besides, who decides what is right? A mean-spirited, judgmental God who punishes us with floods and famine when we are bad? Ooooh, that’s not my idea of God. When I visited Indian Gardens recently, I was in awe of the natural beauty. And you know what? It’s a forest that is beautiful in its wildness. There’s overgrown vines and fallen trees, things that shouldn’t be floating in the water, and paths that aren’t clear. That’s us. We are still beautiful even when we don’t follow the rules or are “different,”  or even, SHUDDER, make a mistake.  And we are still loved even with our wildness.

empath · empath mentoring · empaths · healing · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons

Is empathic residue or triggers? Nasty fairy attacks

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Like most of us that write or teach, I usually am learning what I need to share that week. With all this great lunar energy has come some good lessons and lots of insight. The lessons being learned haven’t been all too comfortable but big.

Yesterday I had a cranky or nasty fairy attack. I don’t have a great deal of patience as it is, but I was feeling super-impatient with others.

I went to Unity church yesterday feeling good and relaxed and found myself halfway through the morning cranky, drained and wanting to sleep. Keep in mind that the room was warm and even the Rev. complained that there were a few who were yawning through his lesson.

I concluded that I was picking up some nasty stuff including the general mood in the room of malaise. I did have a cranky encounter with one friend , who was being super-critical, and another who felt demanding to me because he was miffed I gave him the cold shoulder, so I figured I was picking up their stuff coming at me. That made logical sense and would explain my mood and energy drain.

Being an empath, which I am sure you can relate to, we can often pick up other folks’ stuff unknowingly even if they are thinking about us from far away. Discerning who and what it is you are picking up is crucial detective work. But what if what’s really happening is someone else’s SH*T is triggering your SH*T?

After a good night’s sleep asking for guidance, I realized that is exactly what occurred. Yes, I picked up on the mood of the room, but it was my interactions with my friends’ stuff that got me reeling and upset. ANGER is a great indicator that someone has blasted through your boundaries, which is a little of what had happened. But with new insight I realized that the big issue I had been working on from my past was being mirrored in their behavior towards me. They had just given me little clues.

When I woke up, I made a list of those behaviors that really peeved me and I could see there was a pattern developing. I continually got very upset when someone else demands of me with no regard to my needs, or is controlling and forceful while trampling my boundaries. This pattern was one that I grew up with and I probably wasn’t aware consciously that it upset me so much back then, but it stayed buried inside me until others push those specific buttons.

What I learned from this experience is not only that sometimes it isn’t empathic feeling I am picking up but those trigger buttons, but I also noticed that there isn’t a pat answer or explanation for every experience we have. If I had stopped there, and concluded that I was just sponging off someone’s feelings, or someone was psychic attacking me, or even that “bad spirits” were draining me, or, that I wasn’t “loving enough and they were only mirrors,”  I wouldn’t have gotten to the meat of that particular situation. That is one big thing I have against some new age or spiritual teachings. Every story is different, and that means different answers and different solutions. Blanket answers like “it’s all just fear or love,” may be true at the core, but doesn’t give real world day to day conclusions. Nor is “just love others” when the human relationship is so complex with all our stuff bouncing off each other! And I don’t know about you, but when someone tramples my boundaries or is abusive to me, just throwing love their way when I am supposed to be speaking up for myself and screaming NO! is not my answer.

 

Intuition · psychic · psychic tips

Technical difficulties and Being Psychic

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Last week was very electric and I had a weird dream about why.

In my dream, I had a new skill. I could move things with my mind when I was very upset or emotional. Waking up, half delirious, I squinted my forehead and focused hard on a book on my side table. Could I move it? Nope, it didn’t budge. I figured either I was looney or I wasn’t upset enough.

I wasn’t sure what this dream meant and put it in the back of my mind with the rest of the mysteries I can’t solve.

Then my “things” all acted out at once.

My car, which was just fine, decide to have transmission complaints. It is an older model, so that made some sense.

I had an argument with my one friend and came home to bulbs blowing out at once, and all my photos on my cell phone disappeared mysteriously.

This had happened before. Back in June, after hearing really bad news, that same day my trusty computer’s hard drive died on me. Just like that, it refuse to turn on.

Logical mind says, Well, the computer was older, the bulbs needed changing, the car needs new parts. That is true. But the timing is so interesting.

Each time these things happened, I was very upset.

I’ve noticed before, that friends can’t hear me on the cell phone when I get too emotional. My voice goes in and out or there’s static.

When I did calm down from having that argument with my friend and found some peace, all my cell phone pics came back. They were just there.

Look, if we are all energy, we can affect other energy including appliances. Look at poltergeist activity or “ghosts” trying to move objects so we notice them.We read each other’s energy, are affected by their energy from far away.

Perhaps, just like my body will reflect what I am feeling and what is happening in my life (I am very somatic), maybe my things are just doing the same.

empowering women · healing · Intuition · new thinking

A Book to Avoid that got me going

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As I hung out in the waiting area of the third auto mechanic I had visited for my car issues, (story comes later), I happened upon a delightful read that I know will appeal to all of my readers, students and clients. This is THE book to read if you want to put your head in the sand, hide under the bed and pretend that only organized religion can heal all your woes. Don’t go to a therapist if you have any mental illness or issues, definitely don’t use any kind of alternative medicine in any way to heal yourself, and don’t think positively or think your thoughts create your experience in any way. No, it’s best to grab this book, get under that bed, surround yourself with guard dogs and firearms and live in the 1950s all over again.

The book is THE SEDUCTION OF CHRISTIANITY.

The back of the book reads, and I kid you not, “What are the dangers of the growing acceptance and practice of:

  • positive and possibility thinking
  • healing of memories
  • self help philosophies
  • holistic medicine”

I have images in my head of when electricity was invented. Did folks run in fear and claim it was from the devil? Did some still cling to the candle?

THIS is dangerous stuff and goes against everything I believe God is all about. This book got me going and upset for hours just flipping through it! What if you are mentally ill and need help? Of course we need to heal our memories. Better to walk around in trauma and pain? For me, God IS knowledge coming through to help me. That’s what is so beautiful.

I guess many of us are finally awakening and some of us prefer to just go back to sleep.

after death communication · Angel Guide communication · Animal Communication · e-learning · empath · empath mentoring · empaths · encouraging creativity · fairies · fairy lessons · Flower essences for sensitive · Guardian Angels · healing · online courses · online fairy class · psychic · psychic intuitive website · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons · whimsical illustration

Reconnecting to Everyday Joy and Miracles this week

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Back in 2005, I started Fairy Online School. I was burnt out and tired in my intuitive biz from all the sadness I encountered, and I was going through lots of psychic, expansion changes. I needed support for my sensitivity and quite simply, a little joy to raise my spirits back up. In came that delicious fairy energy, and with it, my love for Nature, and the discovery of my first flower essence I created to heal.

What exactly is fairy energy? I believe we all have it deep down inside. It’s that joyful, playful part we had as children. It’s interested in discovery and gets excited over finding an inch worm on a leaf. It’s grounded in Nature and in our environment and our senses. It’s also that little bit of silly that has you laughing at inappropriate times when you need the humor the most.

This time of year, I always think of my mom, who crossed over in 1995, but is still a pretty active, visiting spirit.  When I was growing up, my mom shared with me the little delights in the world–collecting tiny toys for the holidays; having a hidden stash of candy to dip into; noticing the picture in the clouds; following  that cute, little inch worm on the leaf; and enjoying a good story. It’s the little things we can focus on to bring back the joy into our lives to keep us afloat when everything else in our world is crazy, and boy, life sure has been crazy!

I told my good friend the other day, if this is really end times, I want to go out drawing, snuggling my dogs, eating pizza and cupcakes every day! That’s the fairy way.

Fairy Online School is the marriage between that re-connection we have with the spiritual world that is filled with miracles, awe, and support, and the creating and enjoying with fairy energy as we learn!

I invite you to join us with the many from all over the world reconnecting to miracles, to those we think we lost, to new friends of support this Friday when Fairy Online School starts its new session. Develop your natural, intuitive abilities while having fun, and most importantly, reconnect to you! Head on over to this page to reserve your space in the classes of your choice that start Friday. (Go sign up for my newsletter, Fairy Blessings, and you receive a special fairy discount on classes).

Animal Communication · Animals · e-learning · empath · empath mentoring · empaths · online courses · psychic intuitive website · psychic mentoring · sensitivity · Spirits

We Learn What We Need to Teach and Insects in Dreams

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I am finding that whatever I am meant to teach at the time, I will be learning. Sometimes these lessons come gently and easily and other times, a little stronger.

Tonight I am teaching a teleclass on Better Boundaries for Sensitives. This is THE topic that as Empaths we need to tackle. As an empath, I have the ability to merge with an animal or person and retrieve a ton of information. There is deep connection there. It can feel pretty glorious, and give me great compassion and understanding for another. I can also do this with a spirit in the room or even a friend sitting across from me. This is all good. Having this skill makes life deep and rich.

It’s the unmerging that takes a long time to learn and isn’t a  skill we are taught in this world. We need to go back to our own center with separate boundaries.  I’ve been actively busy learning these skills as time goes on.

I visited a friend’s house and farm yesterday. To the outside eye, the place looked peaceful and quiet with animals strolling about. But to me, his place was buzzing with lots of spirits and energies. I was wide open and immediately heard messages. His animals were busy gabbing away at me also. I wasn’t overwhelmed, just very busy during the visit. When I got home though, I had LOTS of visitors and dreamt about all kinds of insects invading my space.

Insects in dreams can be a psychic metaphor for psychic invaders, leftover “other people’s stuff” and empathic cast-offs. Oops. Not a bad thing to connect, but I forgot to close down and clear out. In my dream state I could do that. Kinda like taking my container and emptying it out.

Other indications that you’re invaded by others’ stuff are dreams of intruders in rooms in your house or doors being wide open.

It’s not dangerous being a sensitive or an empath. It’s a gift, but we do need excellent self-care and maintenance which includes some new tools and skills.

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To learn more psychic skills and tools, sign up today for a Fairy Online School class, such as the Care of the Sensitive class, Spirit Communication 1 or Animal Communication 1.

empath · empaths · psychic · women's issues

Better Boundaries for Sensitives

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I’ve been learning a thing or two about one of the most important tools for a sensitive person: BOUNDARIES. I’ve written about this in my eBook, Help! I’m Sensitive. Using your empathic skills, you can better read energy and then protect yourself. Go to the Animal Spirit Network to sign up for my upcoming teleclass, Better Boundaries for Sensitives. It’s on Wednesday night! Head on over to HERE.

Incidently, the class has now passed, but you can still buy it on demand at Animal Spirit Network.

Animal Communication · Animals · empath · empaths · psychic tips · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

The Used Car Salesman Personality

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Yesterday, I received a phonecall at 8 a.m. from a salesman from a web hosting company. He was perky and happy, and I was cranky and still hadn’t had breakfast. Immediately I felt his energy as if I was getting caught up in a strong wave in the ocean–I was deep under, pressured, and overwhelmed. He asked me a great deal of questions so I didn’t have space or time to even squeak in a “not interested.” He must have been looking down at a list of notes when he said, “So, you have just the one website? Fairyonlineschool.com?” I played dumb. I had over 6 months ago dissolved that website and morphed it into this one. “Sure,” I said, but I was deeply irritated. He hadn’t done the least bit of research on my company to see what I needed and what my company was about.

“Wouldn’t you love to have a company go over your site and make sure you have the right key words, etc.?” Now, I hate all that left brain marketing stuff. (Yes, some of it is necessary.) It may work for some companies, but I explained, “I have a very niche business with a specific audience and I seem to be reaching them. I need to do more of what I’ve been doing.”

“Yes, of course…” He went on and on not hearing me.

This pissed me off more. Here I am in a business that specializes in hearing people and even hearing the layers underneath of people, and all I could feel was that used car salesman mentality: he just wanted to make the sale and get the car off the lot. Who cares if a month ahead I’d find that the radiator leaks and the starter sucks and I’m miserable with the car?

I’ve met this personality before outside of business, and I’m sure you have,  and it’s irritating and upsetting. The question that comes to mind is, “where are my needs even in this picture?!” As empaths, we are so used to feeling others’ needs and wanting to help and please, maybe we even forget we have any needs in the first place! The salesman comes along to give you a gentle or not so gentle reminder: Oops, I forgot my needs again! Oh man, again? So focused on others, we get lost in the pleasing tornado. We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance. We will buy that lemon car and be resentful and pissy for months, or even years.

We are supremely juicy to a salesman when we are out of balance.

The antidote is to know and state your needs, instead of ignoring them, or do what I do, which is whine and be bitchy when my needs are forgotten along the line. I suggest using what I call the EMMA LOU METHOD. Now there’s the Sedona Method and a bunch of others, but this one really works. When Emma Lou, my basset hound, has a need and wants to get her need met she:

a. puts her head in my hands gently to instigate a petting when she needs it

b. jumps up and sits on my lap when she needs attention

c. is naughty and steals food to get my attention

I don’t recommend the aggressive “c” tactic as it’s almost as bad and aggressive as the used car salesman technique. Tactic “a” is a nice one that simply states I need this and it’s up to you if you can give it to me or not. This is a great way to make your needs known while respecting others’ needs. Most humans can not use tactic “b” as it falls under the category of “awkward.”

Try it out. See how it works for you. I’m sure I will come up with a workshop and a best-selling book on the method, and then I will surely need an aggressive used-car salesman personality to sell it for me. Your phone may be ringing soon.

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To read more posts visit my new website’s Sensitive Artist blog here. and do check out my Help! I’m Sensitive book series there.

empath · empaths

Out from under the bed

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Our beagle girl, Lilibeth, lived under the bed most of her long life. Now, don’t get me wrong, we weren’t these horrible abusers who forced her there. She had her rather timid side and somewhere along the way, learned that under the bed was a safe place to watch for dangers. She often stole things of interest and dragged them into her beagle lair and we’d find the funniest things, often what was missing. What Lilibeth taught me, as a sensitive person, was maintaining the gentle balance between being under the bed and coming out from under the bed. Not an easy task.

In my enthusiasm, I can be too “out” and social and find myself picking up on everyone’s feelings, tired, and seriously overloaded. My first signs of overload can be a head cold, ungroundedness that looks like I’m a complete airhead, or the worse one, bitchiness and a short temper.It will feel like my skin is too uncomfortable to wear.

Too “in” looks a little like I’m a crazy person–a tiny bit paranoid, fearful, claustrophobic and obsessed with figuring out the big puzzles of the world. That’s the extreme. You know when you are too “in” when you get that weird look in your eye and the world seems scary and threatening.

I do like the under the bed technique but there are too many dustballs under there so I can’t stay too long.

For an empath, balancing the two really is about being very aware of what your body is feeling and listening. With the energies going around right now, it’s no wonder we are all inclined to stay under a little longer.  And that’s okay, as long as we venture out a bit also. The world needs your energy.

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For more tips for the Sensitive, buy my eBook, Help! I’m Sensitive. Or, consider booking a reading.