December is a wrap-up time. It’s a time of looking at the year you’ve just gone through and sizing up and determining which way to go next. How do you do that with all the choices and opportunities? It can be overwhelming. As someone who is very empathic, I have a built-in radar system that I often curse at and ignore, which, I should be making friends with.
What’s this radar, you ask?
How I feel, especially in my body.
Now I can be slow in the intake, but the situation is improving. The time between getting upset/having an emotional or physical reaction and figuring out that I am upset has shortened. Gone is the time when I’d feel horrible for several days, even weeks, and not know why, because I am now finally noticing with the help of this tool which I will now share with you.
I was faced with a decision over the weekend when an opportunity presented itself. It sounded good and glossy and enticing, but the rest of the day THE MOOD hit. Now, sometimes THE MOOD is one of those empathic “picking up someone else’s shit and I’m carrying around not realizing it is not mine and yet I’m feeling it” kind of moods. I tuned in, and asked this time around, and got a NO from my body that this wasn’t the case.
I explored THE MOOD. I am not a big time fan of this time of year, so there was a little of that melancholy thrown in that I acknowledged. Having experienced many losses this year, I knew that grief was lingering around and was part of what I was feeling. A good cry was needed which I indulged in by watching a sappy movie, but THE MOOD persisted. What was going on?!
A big thank you to my good friends who helped me realize that I was considering go down the wrong way by possibly accepting the opportunity I was presented with. My body was letting me know that opportunity was not aligned with me! It was the wrong fit. Yes, logical mind had a ton of reasons why this choice was a good one. I’d get out of my comfort zone, tackle doing things I wasn’t good at but could be good at. I’d meet new people, and the choice would eventually lead to the direction I wanted to go, maybe. Logical mind is very good at molding me and squooshing me into boxes. But I am a soul that likes to break out of boxes. Body, on the other hand, has a direct line to my inner, empathic radar. It just reacts and lets me know: “Ronni, what the f(*%K are you doing, Girl?” Unlike logical mind, the body knows the simple answers to these questions: will this choice really make me happy? Is this a JOYFUL choice for me? Is it right for me?
We have all had experiences in our lives where we made a choice from logical mind because it looked really good on paper. How did those work out for you? Looking back, I haven’t had one that did.
Thank God and my body for THE MOOD that day. It quickly went away when I acknowledged I was compromising and heading in the wrong direction. (Another good clue). Further insight, and I realized that choice actually would have had me going backwards, not forward. (And that was a really good insight).
So look at your ‘symptoms’ differently today. That stomach ache you keep getting around a certain relative? Don’t curse it, understand what it’s saying. That persistant cold you have every Monday morning you have to go to work? Listen. When THE MOOD hits, don’t berate yourself for being too emotional. And when we bitch and complain we have no guidance and are abandoned, look again in your own backyard! Literally, your own backyard. Your body as your backyard? Get it? Oh, never mind. Just pay attention.
Oh, and incidentally, sometimes the body is saying YES to something that seems totally crazy and illogical, but is a fabulous great decision or the right road to pursue. I felt that way adopting my newest dog family member and going back to school. I’m so glad I listened.
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Be sure to check out my book Help! I’m Sensitive and new book on animal communication, Speak Woof and Meow. And for further tips and tools for being sensitive, sign up for the January session of the EMPATH SKILLS ONLINE CLASS. And one more, keep your eyes on the lookout for my new book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.
First off, I hoped you enjoyed Animal Communication Month and I want to thank all my fabulous guests who talked of their passion regarding animal communication. Each are wonderful women who have some very important teachings to share.
It’s been a crazy last few months, and quite honestly, I’ve been hesitant to share my thoughts here as I had felt my space was invaded. That’s a yucky place to be in and I am claiming it back. And with this claiming, I want to share what I’ve learned lately. Perhaps, you can relate, and then we can all support each other.
1. Other people’s shit is their shit. Okay, this one is hard to deal with. When someone acts a certain way, I guarantee it’s their own story going round and round in their head that may have nothing to do with you at all. With one of my relatives, I had this amazing shift when I realized I had a long-standing reaction taking things personally, which HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. It WAS my shit of why I took it personally. When I realized what my shit was, after a lot of learning and figuring things out, I gained some understanding and some real peace, and I didn’t react so strongly. I was able to detach, step back and see this. So, basically, we react to others when it’s really our own shit. Unless, of course, someone is just being a shit towards us, then we are reacting to that.
2. There’s many ways to climb a mountain. That means if you are sensitive and hate crowds, don’t think the only way to go out and teach is to lecture to large groups, and it’s the only way for you to be successful. If you hate doing networking luncheons, then network one-on-one through social media that’s more comfortable for you. I had a beautiful writer friend years ago who wrote children’s books. She was truly gifted with words. But the one thing that stopped her in her tracks of being truly successful was she didn’t want to do book signings. She was dreadfully shy and this was the kiss of death for her. Because of this, she didn’t pursue publishing her own children’s books to avoid that fate.
I had a similar experience when I starred in a television show years ago. I knew then I wanted to write and publish a book. I was told, that’s not how it works. “You have to BE somebody first.” I am a stubborn mule. That was too big a mountain to climb. I published my book anyway and I’m glad I did.
3. We need to ask ourselves are my actions or behaviors giving me what I want? If I want connection, healing, resolve, love, understanding, is how I am acting bringing that about or is it bringing others further away from me? If you don’t feel heard, kindly ask someone to listen. If you are angry, let it out in a healthy way. If you need answers, go do some research and ask questions. Cruel/nasty/mean/angry result = cruel/nasty/mean/angry. Hate feeds hate. It’s a lose-lose situation, always. I’ll never forget my Verizon phone company interaction. The first customer service rep was nasty towards me, so I got nasty. The second rep heard and understood me; validating my feelings. I softened and the interaction changed. There was a healthy resolve.
4. I think we all just want to be loved and to love. Love and connection is what it is all about. A world without real, honest connection is one scary, dark, lonely place. Dogs are the greatest teacher of love. It’s hard to not feel loved when a giant puppy is licking your face. Now unconditional love is their majors in life and they have so much to teach us. It’s harder as humans a great deal of time to love like that but we are learning. And we also do need to look at what unconditional love is. It’s not allowing cruelty, especially towards ourselves.
5. As sensitive people, a great deal of us didn’t learn this. We didn’t know how to create boundaries. We felt we weren’t allowed to. But this is a big one. And you can leave situations that don’t feel safe and people who don’t hear you, or at least create boundaries around those. Lots of times folks write me here asking about spirits that bother them or scary situations, and it’s the same with living people. I used to walk the girls pass one house on my street with two dogs that had no fence. The one dog was a loving, loopy kind of being who in her enthusiasm knocked over elderly Sarah. I didn’t appreciate that nor did Sarah. The other dog, a puppy, was aggressive. She’d zip into the street and bare teeth at Emma. After two times of this, I had a long scream at the dog, which I’m sure the whole neighborhood heard. “No! Unacceptable!” I told her. And the puppy ran back into her house. I then had a long talk with her person. We have a right not to be bullied in our environment. My one friend has a very sweet angel group online. She’s a gentle, kind creature whose whole purpose in life is to help others. She was recently attacked cruelly on her own site by a man who didn’t believe in what she did. He clearly needed to go somewhere else then, where he belonged, but she had every right to block him from that group. And if you are in an environment that doesn’t keep you safe, doesn’t respect the rights or well-being of its members, get out of that environment. It won’t change.
Sometimes, we do need to fight a good fight and keep going. We may be fighting an injustice or we don’t want to give up on our talents, and shouldn’t. But there are other times we are straining, trying, putting out a lot of energy, and it means we are going against the current made for us. We aren’t getting enough support either to help us or to back what we are doing. This causes such a strong fatigue that fills your bones. Believe me, I know. Those are the times to step back and regroup. Follow what does give you energy and where there is support. That’s your bread crumbs for the new direction. Oh, and learn from me. Drowning in resentment over lack of support, really, really doesn’t work. Don’t get stuck there.
Can you relate to these? What have you been learning?
*apologies to those who don’t appreciate cursing or the word “shit,” as I am originally from Jersey and we all learn that word while learning how to drive and that word is perfect for what I am describing
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And speaking of support, if this writing post has helped you, consider buying my HELP I’M SENSITIVE book, or FAIRY ONLINE SCHOOL written classes. I am also busy completing the sequels to that book. Keep posted on developments, by SUBSCRIBING TO THIS SITE.
Repeat several times a day until needed:
I’ve been noticing lots of butterflies lately. Last week, while shopping with my friend Ruth, a butterfly zoomed right into our faces. I took that as a good sign.
Butterflies show up at times of big transformations and change and when you need signs of hope.
I founds some interesting links about the butterfly symbol. One fact that surprised me is the life cycle of a butterfly is only one month!
I love stories. I especially like how stories can help other people heal, learn and grow, or to be uplifted. We need our stories. That was a big reason why I went back to Graduate School, to learn how to technically create visual stories that teach in all the ways you can reach people.
I am often pulled into other people’s stories, being so sensitive. I have a tough problem with the Facebook Feed often. I get pulled into stories of death, illness, misfortune and pain, and my heart opens so much I can feel it like it is my own, which I know, most of you can relate to. I can’t look at a photo of a dog being mistreated even if it’s to promote a good cause. Those animal communication skills just plug right in and it’s painful. I want to run right into that photo and save the dog, or the pig, or the cow!!! I hear about grief or loss, and I feel and understand their pain. And yes, I create strong boundaries as an Empath to protect me. But I am learning, a really big lesson, that this is about Responsibility.
I’m over-responsible, most sensitive folks are. But just because I can feel your pain and your hurt spots, doesn’t mean I’m the one to fix it. I really want to, but I can’t. I use to carry everyone’s pain and my old role long ago was to be the one willingly to be the “dumpee.” I will hold your pain. Being so strong, I knew I could do it. As I’ve been in this new role for a long time of not being the one that carries and the “dumpee,” I can clearly look at why I was willing to be in this role.
I’m thinking as a sensitive, little young empath I felt the pain of those I loved the most around me and I sure didn’t want them to feel that. I wanted to make it better. As a child, I probably theorized that since the world revolved around me, which we learn that children at that age think, it was my problem or issue to do something about it. As an adult, I’ve learned it’s not compassionate for me to do this. Not only do I take away other people’s lessons to learn, but their healing to come out from it. And they aren’t getting a chance to be accountable to their own responsibilities either. As healers or teachers we can’t do the healing. I’ve also managed to allow abuse to come at me and be treated horribly, which would definitely come under self-abuse. Ironically, why was I not okay with seeing others suffer, but it was just fine for me to suffer and carry all that pain?
I did a web search today on my first book as I worked on my marketing, as I prepare to share my second book. And I had a wonderful, deep cry. The good kind. I read about a beautiful soul’s sharing how my book helped her and her story to feel not alone in her journey. Finding this, was what it is all about. And reading her story and her reflecting back to me my words that I needed to hear today, the gift came back to me full circle. Thank you!
Now, looking back, I see that I really have transformed my role. I don’t have to be the “dumpee,” or hold other people’s pain for them, and I definitely don’t have to make it better, even though it still really hurts to see anyone suffer or be in pain. It’s not my job to fix it or for it to be okay for someone to be abusive towards me for any reason. And I am not responsible for things I didn’t do–that’s not my story.
A couple of weeks back, I was really angry at being dumped at unfairly and at the injustices in the world, and I went into a dark, angry place. I wanted to be heard which is good, but that anger only polluted inside me and made me something I’m not, nor want to be. It didn’t affect the world around me I was angry at, and I didn’t want to become abusive either. I always want to achieve to understand.
But now I can share what I have learned and healed in my story, always with the intent to be kind and to help, so another can heal too, and that’s a much better, happier/healthier role for me to be in.
(Ah, now to to teach this to my very empathic dog 🙂 )
Wow. There is really a lot of dark stuff in this world and things we don’t understand. This has been on my mind a great deal lately. How do we deal with it or handle it? One thing I know for sure, the one thing we can never do, is become dark ourselves. Fighting dark with dark doesn’t work. I was heading that way with my anger, and all it does it corrupts me inside and makes me something that I am not. I don’t know about you but I’d like to follow that spark of light and hope. Isn’t that what it is all about- being here?
We bring in that beauty and what is truly good in this world. We look for it.
Like little fireflies we move towards the light and all that feels good, like being loved by beautiful friends, getting puppy kisses, and doing what we love to do and what excites us.
And we try to have some compassion for what isn’t light and those broken, hurt pieces in others.
And then there’s cake. Cake is definitely something from the light.
Ronni's Psychic Room 