“If old stuff and issues are coming up, it means you are ready to heal them.”
Category: spiritual lessons
I am finding in my business..
- When I keep my focus on what I want and am very clear, I able to manifest and attract good into my life.
- When I have business, I usually attract more business. When I panic and focus on lack, there is dead silence.
- I do not focus on words of whoa about the economy. I simply do not believe it for myself, and have had the best month financially last month. So, does that make what we experience all about what we believe?
- We are all being asked to think out of the box and think creatively with our businesses. I know one man whose business has gone downhill because his biz relied solely on the housing market. He is being asked to be very creative with his thinking now and how can refocus his talents.
- When I take the time to have fun and play and really enjoy myself, business increases! This is far from what I have been taught in my life. Play was for after work was completed! How could I take time out to play when I was so responsible? But now I am finding that I want every aspect of my business to be fun and joyful to me.
- We are so guided and supported by so many invisible hands and paws.
Moms and talking to dead people
Historically this is a tough week for me. My mom crossed over on May 5th fourteen years. It’s a day that comes around with a thud whether I acknowledge it or not. To add insult to injury (boy, I love that expression), dealing with our special needs daughter, we now have frequent family therapy sessions. And in yesterday’s session, it came up that since I am not my daughter’s biological mom, I am not her “real” mom. It was a little insensitive oops-wording from our therapist. Ouch! With Mother’s Day approaching, all these mom injuries are hitting the fan.
Last night, my head ached. This is a sure sign that someone on the other side is trying to communicate. I saw lots of owls–my mom’s favorite creature, before she showed me a weird vision. It my childhood home. We had one fancy room that was the guest living room. Technically, it was highly impractical for a home with kids and a shedding dog. The couch was white with soft fur that you wanted to touch but couldn’t. In this room, there were fancy artifacts, expensive paintings and a glass coffee table. We were not allowed to hang out here, much less sit on the couch. (Although our beagle was known on occasion to sit there when no one was home.) It was the guest living room, after all, for entertaining, but my parents never entertained in it. Ironically then, the room sat like a museum. Out of all visions my Mom could send at this time was a clear picture of the white couch.
How did this vision apply to my mothering or grieving issues? When I told my pal Wendy this story she blurted out, “Don’t save the best for other people!” This of course, would follow my other posts here of leaving myself last often.
How much have we learned from our Moms about giving to ourselves vs. giving to others? Were there false messages along the way? Was that special couch that I couldn’t touch a symbol that I couldn’t have the special things and treatment? That was for everyone else? Was my daughter now that couch? I could see it, take care of her for the past five years, be mom, but the role of mom was reserved and belonged to others? How long was I taught this odd withholding?
The miraculous part of all of this is Mom, fourteen years later, must have done some soul-searching on the other side to have learned this lesson now, and is now anxious to impart this wisdom to her daughter as she must painfully watch as she repeats her past mistakes.
Just Today
Just today expect support.
Expect to have what you need.
Expect that maybe the opportunities that open up will work out; will take you where you need to go.
Expect more. If something doesn’t fit, expect something better to come along that does.
Even though today may be hard, expect all you need to succeed.
Get Rid of Things That Make You Bitchy
Today’s post is about getting rid of things that make you bitchy. Oh, that is just fun to write. Some things you can’t always get rid of (relatives, teenagers), but I am amazed how many things I’ve held on to because I think I SHOULD be doing this or that. I have this Capricorn mind that plans and plans and likes all my ducks sitting neatly in a row. I tell myself, everyone is doing a. so I need to do a. to get what I want. Not true. For instance, I’m not into Twitter. I just don’t get it, don’t understand, can’t follow something that has no pictures or visuals, but I love Facebook. I love teaching small groups at the college, but I really hate teaching big informal lecture halls, or being squooshed into someone’s living room with twenty-five people. I really hate receiving email marketing for new teleconferences, etc. , that tell me they have all the answers for a particular problem in a big hard sell. Yuck! Thirty minutes into the call and they are selling me something I can’t afford or need and they told me what I already knew.
So, do I follow Twitter, teach at lecture halls and do teleconferences? If I am at a low point, and others have told me I should do this to get what I need, and that there is something wrong with me if I don’t, I might, (remember, low point) and then I will probably bitch and moan on this blog. Hopefully, I will remind myself there are many ways to climb a mountain, and the ways you do it are meant for you and your path of success.
Which leads me to my Newsletter. I love writing and I enjoy writing my newsletter. I like to blog the best because I like the give and take of writing–when clients and friends write telling me how something I wrote helped them, I light up like a lightning bug. Often my newsletters are pitches for my work or classes and are meant to draw biz. Boy, is it frustrating when I send out a big mailing and there is dead silence. All my little buttons are pushed from childhood. I go through stages of grief, mainly sadness and anger. I’ve come to the conclusion–why I am I sending out a newsletter when I have this blog?
If you are interested in my new classes or services, then read this blog and check in often. My newsletter makes me bitchy.
Moving again and surrender
We just endured our third? move in 3 years! When we sold our house in Cottonwood, we found the first place we could that would take 4 dogs, 2 birds, and 3 people. It was expensive and a bit odd. The light fixtures didn’t match the lights. There was a fireplace…buried in concrete behind a wall. The Arizona room I was so excited about was either too hot or too cold. We had a tough time when we lived in that house. We lost our Lilibeth there and I went through that huge energy shift clearing that left me physically incapacitated for awhile. So, when we were offered a new place by a friend we jumped at it. The pink house was comfy and bizarre in its own way, but very old and cramped and it had one bathroom. With a growing teenaged girl this was an ordeal. We didn’t want to go through yet another move, especially after just losing Foxy to the other side, but the lease was up and rents are way down out here, so another move we did. This new house is wonderful. It’s large, two bathrooms, modern, comfy and in a fun community neighborhood. We feel spoiled!
I am amazed that when we are at rock bottom and scared, is when I finally surrender. I’ll let go of my hands off the wheel. You see, this only happens when things look rather dire and impossible, and then everything works out beautifully. I would like to work on this behavior. Surely, I don’t need to get to this point to be better assisted. You would think! So I will learn this new way of trusting. Lesson learned? Hopefully.
Spiritual Perfectionism
I must say, it is spiritual to be cranky. And to be mad, or upset, or sad. It’s all included in the package of being human. Lucky us. The Secret, is a great book, but the problem that came with it, is many of us think we have to only think positively all the time or we attract bad stuff. That’s a huge burden to carry, and most of the time that only means repression of the yucky thoughts.
I grew up in a household where my dad, unable to deal with anything emotionally heavy, would say, “Only tell me the positive stuff.” Ouch. Where’s the support or the validation? I do not want my grown-up world to reflect this also!
You will have times in life where things just suck. It’s the up and down of life we can count on. Right now, my life is in topsy-turvy and the last month has in some ways, has sucked. Most of my best buds are going through the same thing. I do like to focus on the positive end of it; the lessons being learned. But, I also have felt FRUSTRATED, ANGRY, UPSET, SAD, REALLY PISSED, and a bunch of other not very pretty things. But, you know what? That’s good! That is a natural reaction to losing someone you love and experiencing big changes. In order to get to the other side of the tough stuff, sometimes you need to barrel right through and feel it. THEN you get to the lessons and the gifts.
My friends tell me I need to talk out my feelings and thoughts and then I come to my own answers. That usually involves expressing all the poo underneath. Neither of my friends or my husband say to me, “Oh how very un-spiritual of you, Ronni. You should only express good things.” Yes, I need to say what I want. But sometimes, you need to let out and express what you don’t want to find out what you do.
Guidance through dreams
Over at Julia’s Leonine Times, she mentions “So many of my friends as well as clients seemed to be in the midst of a personal armageddon.” (Do sign up for her newsletter. It’s very helpful.) Reading these words, I felt my body relax. We weren’t the only folks experiencing the crazyiness that is happening. Energetically what IS going on in the world? On the bigger scale, financially things are falling apart to be rebuilt. Makes sense, we all seem to be experiencing a painful rewiring and restructuring of our lives, as I described in my last post. In my life, this showed up as a crisis in our family relationships. What HAS helped was my connection to Spirit.
When Foxy was dying, I had closed off. So many messages I was receiving were false or incorrect. (Turns out many well-meaning spirit relatives were trying to help me feel better with false “it will be fine.”) I wanted nothing of my Guides and helpers. I was angry and upset. They had promised she’d be here for another year or two! What I did trust was Foxy’s voice through it all, which was honest and true expressing what she was experiencing. A friend reminded me to lean on my helpers now when I need it the most, but I couldn’t. I didn’t trust it. What has come through in spite of my will, has been the enormous help I’ve had through the dream state. Every step of the crisis I would wake with profound knowing and understanding. Many of those times, I remembered being with Foxy’s spirit or dreaming of school. Through my dream state, true guidance could come through. Perhaps this is a different way, a restructuring of how I listen and receive guidance.
The Universe is streamlining me
The past few weeks, the Universe or God (whatever your preference or beliefs), has been streamlining and cleaning up my life. It doesn’t feel good or look good, but I am sure when it is done, it will be what is the very best. Our relationship with our daughter is going through huge upheaval from her early past coming up (frustrating because we don’t have any control over her past), and affecting the present, but we are finding through lots of needed family therapy, the family needed the re-tuning to be a more harmonic group based on the present.
We will soon be moving to a newer and nicer place that we hope will be a better version for us. After selling our house, our first rental wasn’t the best. We lucked out with this temporary gig because we could have all our dogs, etc., and the rent was cheap, but we’ve been living with one bathroom and I got clearly the lesson was to ask for and expect more.
Today, a representative from Fairy School in the UK informed me that Fairy School, those words, were copyrighted. That fairy school is a francise of kid’s parties. Sounds good actually. If I was in the Uk, I’d probably want to attend. My school consists of psychic and very woo-woo classes, probably which, the little girls might run from screaming. So, I had to retool and rename everything Fairy Online School, which, once I get past the huge irritation and all the hours redoing the website, I realized was much more of an accurate name. I do offer, afterall, online classes, and it is an ON LINE school.
I am thinking of cutting my hair, maybe streamlining that. I think I will take the initiative so the Universe doesn’t have me catching my hair in a door or something. Sorry, cancel that. But you get the drift.
Maybe I am just being forced to be more honest with my life; more authentic and truthful of what I want and need. In those areas where I am holding on to what doesn’t belong, it seems I am getting some help eliminating, whether I like it or not.
Knowing Your Limits-it’s enough
Why are all our big lessons so hard to learn?
Last night on date night, I got sick on dinner and almost had a full-blown panic attack in my favorite hang-out, Barnes and Noble. A little FYI, Pampass Grass (for recentering) and Rose 81 (for calming down after emotional breakthrough) brought me out of the attack pretty quickly.
It occurred to me in that moment, that perhaps, just maybe, I could be asking too much of myself right now. I’ve been up nightly with Foxy, our red dog, since December, who is progressing nicely now, but had been seriously ill. Before that, we had a crisis with our special needs daughter that left us beat-up and spent for months. Do I grant myself a rest? No. I plunge forward! I’m a soldier. Strong and independent.I can prove it! I can take on and handle whatever God or the world throws at me.
When our bills got out of hand to pay for Foxy’s care, we posted on our blogs, and pleaded, tried to raise money and worked harder still. More exhaustion. Because, certainly, we should be able to have tons of money for care, right? But Foxy was getting better on her own accord. She was healing herself. We were assisting with some meds and fluids. Friends came out of the woodwork to help with more natural methods. It wasn’t all my responsibility to heal her. But still, I put the pressure on myself. I was a bad parent for not having everything we needed, and this was echoed in the shaming vet we dealt with.
We watched as money dwindled, and because of the economy, relatives held tighter to their wallets out of fear, and in the process, pulled away emotional support too. They were nowhere to be seen! (After all, she’s an old dog anyway. Ouch. And I mean, big ouch). We felt seriously abandoned and more tired!
My reaction through all of this was to push harder, work harder, and yell at myself for not trying enough! Nice, huh?
But today, after flipping out in Barnes and Noble, and becoming good pals with the toilet (awful visual), I realized that when I blame the world around me for not being supportive and asking for too much, maybe I am doing this to myself. The world will always do this in one way or another. The folks who were withdrawing their money were not emotionally supportive either. And, those who were supportive, would be so even if I didn’t do a thing–didn’t try at all. An amazing concept. This trauma just brought this knowing to light.
Could I recognize that what I do is enough? That it would have to be in this moment? Could I support myself and ask less? Could I recognize how much I already was doing? Pat myself on the back for a bit. Could I change this pattern and not find myself wanting to puke and panic in my place of worship?
We do what we can.
Ronni's Psychic Room 