Category: empath

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · healing · sensitivity

Being sensitive and people overload

designingfairy

overloadpic

I haven’t blogged for awhile and I apologize, dear readers. I’ve been busy with Designing Fairy Cinema and writing my next book; not to mention adjusting to Giant Puppy’s needs. (Okay, I just mentioned it.) Actually, she’s been really good.

I wanted to write about overwhelm, which is one of the biggest issues sensitive folks encounter. I thought, why not write about the topic when I’m feeling the least overwhelmed? I’ve pretty much had gotten so used to that frantic state I miss the adrenaline rush. Back last year and half of this year I was dealing with taking care of an incontinent elderly beagle, Grad School classes, my business, and a part time job. I was stuck in the fast lane to get everything done and pretty much lived on sugar to keep my natural humming bird energy up. I loved the classes and I miss Sarah, but I’m starting to adjust to enjoy the calm, natural energy.

It’s easy to overwhelm when you are sensitive. We take in so much information at once at a deep level that it’s easy to tip that balance in the red. And if you are in a vulnerable space emotionally, it’s really easy to blow your fuse.

I remember a few years back going to an outdoor concert with a friend. I took one look at the huge crowded line in front of me and almost blew a gasket right there. My breathing quickened, and I forgot about my feet. The line was moving at a caterpillar pace to the ticket booth. We weren’t even in the stadium and I could feel panic rising. We made it in and there were lines of chairs on the lawn in front of the stage and bleachers everywhere. Thank goodness the stadium was outside otherwise I’d have felt trapped.

I asked my friend if we could sit in an aisle so I wasn’t sandwiched in and he didn’t understand and ignored my request.  I needed some air  and psychic space around me. More and more people took the seats surrounding us. I couldn’t breathe. What made things worse, was the performer wasn’t on time! So the waiting went on and on with me stuck like a sardine. This was too many damn people! All this energy around me. I could feel hopes, dreams, thoughts, issues. Yeah, sure I put up some protection, visualized a couple bubbles. But that was a lot of people.  I could even shame myself for not being able to stand firm against all these energies. Yeah, that’s realistic.

Once the concert finally started I was in better shape. Focusing on something fun really blocks out the noise. I sang, I tried to dance in my chair, but I still felt boxed in.

And then even my friend started to crowd me. My friend wanted to go in the casino afterwards. Hey, why not? Let’s see if Ronni can blow a fuse in public and explode in little pieces all over the flashing little light machines. Thank goodness for my body. I got a migraine that tried to push out all those visiting energies. I had to go home. I tried to explain, but I wasn’t being heard, so I stormed out.

grrr

Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying that? Shouldn’t I toughen up? Heck no! Part of being deliciously sensitive, is knowing yourself. If you were allergic to peanuts, would you scream and tell yourself that you needed to toughen up? No! You’d frickin’ avoid those peanuts at all costs. If I were put into that situation again, I’d do a few self care things:

  • I’d sit in aisle seat. Maybe even find an area that had lots of space around it. I’d try to make those needs met.
  • I’d allow myself to take lots of breaks where there weren’t so many people. Maybe take a few bathroom breaks. Take a breather outside the stadium if necessary.
  • I’d find a new friend to go with. Sorry, but my friends need to know me and listen to what I need to do for self care, whatever that’s about or is.
  • I’d bring ear plugs. I’d still hear the music but it would drown out the high noise.
  • I did take flower essences at the time but I think I’d need some really strong ones for protection and calm. Probably grab for Rescue Remedy.
  • It would be okay to “small” it down. What does that mean? It’s like that pie in my freezer right now. I could have some of it. I don’t have to eat the whole thing at once. I could watch half the concert if I wanted, which would be enough to enjoy, but not too much to overwhelm.

Overload happens not just in crowded situations. I can feel crowded by other people. If I have a lot of demands coming at me, I will try to please everyone around me, make them happy, do a good job, and then I can overload on that pushing energy. I will take on way more than I should.

I remember teaching book illustrating with a fellow artist at a Montessori school. The kids were so lovely, creative and open-eyed. I fell in love with them. But those teacher hours are slightly insane. There was rarely a break away from the energies of these kids who each individually demanded a great deal of attention, which I was trying to give. I hadn’t learned at that point how to know my limits and regulate my energy. I would come home at the end of the day either bursting into tears or having signs of physical overwhelm.

Now keep in mind, being sensitive doesn’t mean I can’t handle a lot or am “delicate.” That’s super important to point out. Honey, I’m stronger than most people I know. Ask my closest friends.  The amount of stuff I can handle emotionally far outweighs my physical sensitivity.

There’s nothing wrong with us. No, we shouldn’t be living in bubbles. We are what we are. We’ve got that fine-tuned nervous system brilliant for some things (and amazing gifts that come with that sensitivity, that you will notice the non-sensitive flock to for answers) but it just comes with some special care  instructions.

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A little note about upcoming classes. I will only be offering the core classes this November. The Empath Skills class now comes with a little yummy twist (a mini reading). Check out and sign up for it here. If you want to be informed about the upcoming books in the Sensitive series, do subscribe to this site (sign-up found in the right sidebar).

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills · empaths

Shiny Object Syndrome

designingfairy

fairy

 

I’ve been trying to learn this one video editing program. Trying, may not be the correct word. It’s been a little like writer’s block where you take out the pencil and pen, the paper, organize your work space, but no words are flowing. I’ve set up my work space, have the video class all ready to go on the screen, but all of a sudden there seems to all these distractions! There’s friends to chat with on Facebook, which I love to do anyway. The girls are getting a little nutsy in the front yard so I need to supervise. There’s that pie in the frig that has been calling me for three days. And gosh, would you look at that, I still haven’t learned one lesson on that video. What is wrong with me?

It’s called Shiny Object Syndrome. There’s no pill or support group but it’s so common among creative and sensitive people. We like colors, and shiny things, and less tangible things like new knowledge and insights. Throw in the empathic thing and we are drawn into others’ stories feeling their sadness, their pain, their losses.

Empathic folks take in a great deal of information at once. We don’t just see the chair over there. We see the peeling paint, the yellow peeking through the wood, and we notice the seat cushion could use some sewing. Every now and then I often wish I could be shallow and only see that surface!

I wondered the other day if maybe I have Adult ADD and not Shiny Object Syndrome. And in a flurry of worry, I did some research to rule it out.

So I took the quiz I found over at Psych Central. Okay, that test isn’t so helpful. I know I’m hyperactive sometimes, but I think that’s inherited energy from my grandmother, and part of my nervous nature. And I can definitely concentrate and stick to a project once I do start. I also have my deeply lazy moments, although my head rarely shuts off. I read the 15 Signs You May Have Adult ADHD, and it’s not fitting me. Elaine Aron’s brilliant self test fits me to a T. I already know I can be a sensation-seeking sensitive, as she calls it. So, I conclude after all this research, it is a big part of my sensitivity.

How do you cure the Shiny Object Syndrome then? I would think you don’t! Why would you want to? I am finding that there is a gift there. Without it, I’d be a dull workaholic. I wouldn’t take breaks or have a full life with friends, and beauty, giant puppy playing, and rose smelling. Perhaps, then, Shiny Object Syndrome shows up just when we need it for that balance. Because maybe I just needed a little break before I dive into my video learning.

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For more tips, check out my book HELP! I’M SENSITIVE, online classes EMPATHIC SKILLS & CARE OF THE SENSITIVE. I am busy at work on the sequel book, YOUR TURTLE SHELL.

being sensitive · empath · spiritual lessons

An Empath’s Perspective on 2012

designingfairy1 Comment

thoughtsfromI just checked out this video made on the messages of 2012. There was a big conference in Sedona recently I missed because I didn’t have patience for. Watching this video gave me some big realizations.  I trusted my empath radar as I watched.

What was disappointing is some of the leaders I previously liked I wasn’t resonating with their messages and I’ll tell you why.

I want to feel EXPANSIVE, and the opposite of boxed in. I want to feel HOPEFUL.

I don’t know about you but whatever is going on in my life, I want to feel EXPANSIVE, and the opposite of boxed in. I want to feel HOPEFUL. I don’t want feel powerless victim, ever. When I am in that space, I shut down. As an empath, my greatest gift is trusting how I feel to guide me to my right radio dial of what is good for me and what is not so great for me. I listened to one speaker  and it didn’t matter what words were being said, I felt like that awful feeling in my stomach and I felt hide under the bed fearful. His words didn’t ring true inside of me.

I listened to the Swami, who by the way, resonates more to upbeat, fairy energy — and I felt good! I love the idea of laughing and feeling empowered. Hello! Who the heck doesn’t? And I really didn’t resonate to the channeled messages which basically said all the things I all ready knew. Why would I think a dead person or spirit would be more wiser or connected to wisdom/the divine then all of the rest of us? Aren’t we all able to tap into that?

What I hope we are moving more into, new age terms aside which are starting to not resonate with me, is going more into our own guidance and sense of what works or resonates with ourselves. We’re becoming guru-less. I see that with every person who takes a class or buys my book. They are accepting themselves and finding their own answers. Woo Hoo! Isn’t that the goal?

You decide…watch the video and feel. Each spiritual teacher is talking from their own perspective and seeing through their own lens on life. And who you resonate with or hear simply matches how you see things.

being sensitive · empath · empaths · spiritual lessons

Being Loyal to Yourself

designingfairy4 Comments


fairywithoutorange (2)Loyal to others vs. Loyal to self

One of the toughest things about being an empath is you go out of your way to not hurt anyone else’s feelings. Maybe it’s a selfish thing; if that person hurts, you feel it. But it’s also from a place of compassion. You understand pain. You would never purposely inflict it. I recently was in an argument. It might very well have been my fault and I over-reacted. I had taken an email forward personally that lamented about the dangers of technology because I am going to school specifically for technology. It was one of those ill-timed emails that just happens. But like most incidents in life, the argument illuminated a bigger issue I needed to look at. During the argument, I was quick to create harmony, please, discount what I was feeling, and apologize first. I often took this role/stance as a sensitive child. Several days later after the argument, I still had a lingering unease I’m dealing with. I created peace but I stifled my voice rather than be abandoned. I didn’t want to be the bad guy or the outcast among the crowd.

This is a big shift I am making here, seeing this. Little kids please themselves so easily. But I think little empaths never had that luxury. We’d always be tuned into what others needed and were feeling. We wanted that harmony around us.

I have a problem with a certain kind of authority. I’ll give in just to please, rather than be “naughty.” I’ve decided to treat my one dog’s chronic problem holistically which has proven the more successful route. We are seeing a holistic veterinarian who hears and respects my intuition. Wow, an amazing concept! Because I haven’t returned to my conventional vet, I feel like that little shamed kid who didn’t do her homework. This pattern has become so ingrained in my emotional landscape.

Throughout my life, other people have had no problem putting themselves first. When my husband didn’t want to go to a party or an event, he’d just say no, dig his heels in and that was it. I admired his resolve that I didn’t have. I had too many “what ifs” in my head of who would be disappointed with me.

And there’s the issue. Growing up, we were never yelled at. We were disciplined with the threat of disappointment, which later felt like rejection. I can still feel that sting whenever I displease authority.

It’s time to rewire my thinking. Does any action I do please and serve me? And that’s the best and highest me. That little girl inside is terrified of being left alone. She’s the one that is scared to have a disagreeing voice. I have this vision of me being left alone in a cave to fend for myself. But in my desire to please everyone else, I’ve managed to abandon me. I’m the one who put me in that cave.

I’m the one  who put me in that cave. 

And that little girl’s perspective that if someone is angry with me they will abandon me? Some will, then that’s not really a relationship of substance or depth, if you aren’t able to communicate feelings with each other. And aren’t those relationships reflecting back the miscommunication I am having with myself?

Hey self! What serves you? What pleases you? What do you need right now? 

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from YOUR TURTLE SHELL (Coming early 2013)

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Check out the How to Survive the Holidays eBook under the BOOKS and WHAT’S NEW section

being sensitive · empath · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Extrovert vs. Introvert

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Which are you?

My folks are up visiting from New Jersey. My stepmother is a complete extrovert, and my Dad is a classic introvert. According to the Myers Briggs classification tests, an introvert is not the quiet and shy wallflower that you overlooked sitting in the back of the room, which is a popular misconception. How we navigate and process the world is classified by extrovert or introvert. Extroverts are recharged by being around more people or excitement and interaction. Introverts are recharged by quiet, alone time. They need time to digest what they’ve experienced and reconnect to themselves.

Classic example was after a long day visiting the local zoo, Out of Africa, my stepmother was ready to keep going. My Dad and I were cranky and ready to fall over. A little more stimulation and I would have overloaded for sure and my circuits would have fried. It’s not being “too sensitive” that does that, but the fact that I take in all kinds of information at once. A little goes a long way. I dive deep into the experience. Any more stimulation or input would be like adding more coffee to the filled coffee cup, spilling brown liquid everywhere over the table; there’s nowhere to go.

It’s not a right or wrong situation, although for years I’ve had to try to explain myself to extroverts who had no idea what was wrong with me when I pooped out early on long, interactive days, or needed alone space after experiencing a party of people. I definitely internalized that I was flawed or “wrong” until I discovered the classifications and felt deeply liberated! The world needs both. The big key here isn’t that we are like each other and change, but we respect each others’ needs.

And incidently, I understand the needs of both types. The last time I took the Myers Briggs test, I had an interesting revelation. My scores were smack down in the middle between Introvert and Extrovert! This would explain my continuous struggle for balance even within myself. I could see my need for people and interaction, but too much of that, and I usually got sick, anxious or headache-y, and desperately needed space. Not enough people interaction, I get lonely and moody. Add all that extra sensitivity, and I am thinking I lean more towards the Introvert side in terms of needs. Perhaps, you can relate.

Resources to check out:

The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D

My Care of the Sensitive class, of course

Myers Briggs test

after death communication · Animal Communication · being sensitive · empath · ghosts · Guardian Angels · psychic ability · Spirit Guides · spiritual guidance

Why can’t I hear my dog or loved one, but you can?

designingfairy2 Comments

Often, this is the question I get the most with students and other people. I even found an old email I gratefully missed seeing berating me for claiming that I could talk to my departed mother. How do I answer that?

For one thing, yes, I can talk to animals and feel spirits. The spirits more like drop in and out on occasion. I can’t conjure up. It’s more like having someone call you up on the telephone. I’m not delusional, I’ve been relatively grounded, and I’m psychologically sound even though life has really roughed me up a bit, and I’ve concluded that it was that “roughing up” that allowed me to hear or see.

Here’s one of my theories

Many of the friends I have that are truly “psychic,” which is really aware of other dimensions, or simply, what’s beyond THIS, have had in their life some kind of experience that caused them to pop out of their bodies from some kind of trauma. During that popping out they noticed “hey, there’s something else here.” No, they didn’t go into the devil’s world, which at least, I hope not. When I was a kid, I had such chronic pain that it was an easy thing to just pop out and hang out on the ceiling then feel that pain all the time (by the way, animals do this.) I was already very empathic, just like mother, and I think that’s how–the popping out–was why I also able to readily hear guidance.

Some folks need their worlds to fall apart to experience that there’s more then what’s here. GRIEF can open you up completely or…shut you down. That’s one big reason you can’t hear your loved one or your departed dog. There isn’t a thing you did wrong or something wrong with you. What I know from experience is when I am very upset and angry at the world, I can’t access any guidance. I feel cut off and stranded. I think with grief, you’re in a protective mode. You need to be insulated so you can heal. And then later on, you can hear or feel and connect to loved ones.

Some folks have had trauma and hurt early on and have always been shut down. It’s safer that way when the world is an unsafe place. But if you asked them, they will recall little signs that happened in their lives that showed them they were watched over, if they are willing to see it.

Lots of people could hear and see when they were children. But as they grew up and life got hard, they forgotten this.

Some folks are very left-brained and they experience the world solely from the mind, and therefore, won’t hear or see. (They need to rent movies like DRAGONFLY.) That’s not their path to hear.

Don’t Push

When I hear students say this, I always question if they are pushing or trying to hear/feel. That always shuts things down. Then your mind comes in and takes over. They are almost always missing the SUBTLE signs of communication and dismissing it as nothing, but it’s there. They are feeling hugged (those goosebumps out of nowhere), having songs come into their heads out of nowhere, seeing a shadow run across the room or a blink of light. That’s the communication! It doesn’t have to be a full-blown ghost giving a six page message. That’s just television! And always with their animals, they just need validation that they are already picking up a ton of information from their animals. How can they not? They are so connected to them.

I’ve always thought like a scientist. I need proof to believe and I need to experience it. Most folks are like that. So, if they don’t experience it or see it, why would they believe it? And the interesting thing is, when you have lots of experiences and you start to believe, the experiences increase.

No, I’m not special at all because I pick up things from spirits or know what dogs feel and think. I actually curse it sometimes when I have headaches from it and overload all the time, and pick up psychically what I really don’t want to or is helpful to me. I really don’t appreciate when people think I’m nuts. I don’t hear all the time, either, by the way. Sometimes, I stare at my dogs wondering what they want and can’t hear anything at all. Being sensitive can be a really big hindrance in my life, especially in my relationships, but it’s also a gift that can help others (I get to write about it.) And there are many out there who totally relate to this, who often come here.

Just Keep the Gate Open

The big thing is, if you are missing or grieving someone and you can’t feel or hear them, it doesn’t mean they have abandoned you or there’s no after-life, or worse, everyone who can is crazy. Right now, in this moment, you can’t. It’s not forever, and maybe there’s a reason, like I mentioned before. Instead, just leave that door open to possibility. That’s all you need for the world to surprise you. And boy, will it.

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If you are interested in developing your abilities to hear/see/feel, sign up for Fairy Online School to get help and info, which starts September 21st.

empath · empath class · empaths

New Care of the Sensitive Packages

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How super neat cool! I’m offering new Care of the Sensitive bundle packages. Choose from the Simple package, just the class, to a FAB-U-LOUS package of an empath lesson teleclass and a private lesson or a custom flower essence! Oooooooh! Check them out and sign up anytime throughout July and August HERE.

empath · empath mentoring · Empath skills · sensitivity · spiritual lessons

Focusing and the Sensitive

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Did you see that shiny thing?

I get distracted easily. As a sensitive person, I tend to get swept away with the tide around me and lose focus. As a creative person, I can get have way too many ideas and want to do them TODAY.

I wrote about this in my book, but I had this lesson reinforced the other day.

In Yogalates class, we bend our bodies into many balancing poses. There’s one pose that contorts my body into a tree, which I really like. I had one leg bent at the knee and my arms outstretched into my swaying leaves.  I found myself checking on the other students to see how they were doing and sure enough, that was my downfall. I fell over. Poor tree. I got myself back into the pose and focused on the floor in front of me and centered on my own tree. I felt my branches reaching to the sky, my legs, um, trunk, strong. I could have stood there for hours! I felt like no wind or storm could knock me down!

After being a tree, my thoughts churned over how I often start my day with lots of goals and get lost. I get pulled by all the threads around me. The internet is the worst. I love my Facebook buddies, but I can get caught up into the loop for hours. Everything is so fast and there’s so much coming at me that is interesting. There goes my goals.

Knowing I have this tendency, I have to fight the pull to very shiny things. They distract me from my own gold. The answer is to re-center, however I can do this. Unfortunately, that means a little less time on Facebook and more time sitting in Nature so I can hear myself. It’s funny how Nature is filled with beauty and shininess but I am pushed more into myself then scattered. It must be the radio dial to CALM vs. Facebook’s dial to EXCITE.

Another tool I am finding that is helping me center and focus is setting goals. I’m reading a great book on receiving that I will probably share later. I like the goal setting idea because know that when I do center, I can be very focused and can easily accomplish what I want. Having goals, keeps the focus on what I want, rather than get pulled by everyone else’s wants.

If Nature isn’t doing the trick, I can always reach for flower essences to help give me that edge and extra support. I like SOAP TREE YUCCA for focusing, and Desert Willow helps me stand tall. SQUASH helps me be strong in sticking to what I need.

The biggest tool is knowing that I can get easily thrown off and to try and limit what I take in. Too much coming in will look like overwhelm in my system, and I will appear “flighty” and scattered when I am really just caught up in the tornado around me.

Be strong trees, Sensitives!

empath · empath mentoring · Empath skills · empaths · empowering women · Intuition · psychic

Are you a popper-outer?

designingfairy

As a sensitive, do you have the habit of popping out? I mean, do you find yourself leaving your body a great deal when either under attack or on overwhelm? Many of us developed this “skill” as child empaths either from an abuse situation, or in my case, from having an illness. As a child, to avoid feeling pain, I’d often find myself “sitting on the ceiling” looking down. I do believe today, this trick allows me to communicate with spirit so easily, or even talk to animals that are halfway across the world. But how do you control this gift? It’s not conducive to many conversations if one moment you are there and the next you are blurry-eyed and vacant, right? (Although with some threatening or clueless people, they don’t even notice you leave.)

I look to Tool #38 from Help! I’m Sensitive.

Problem 38: Leaving your body

Sensitive tool: Grounding

Lisa Campion has a great article on her blog about grounding and shielding for Empaths. She says that empaths, when overloaded, leave their bodies. I can attest to that!

During a period of time, whenever I felt emotionally attacked I’d find myself seeing a symbol and leaving my body to some astral place. From some detective work, I realized that this was a skill I learned in childhood when I had bad stomach problems and I didn’t want to be in my body in pain. So, I’d find myself sitting next to the ceiling looking down.

This skill helps me in my work locate a lost animal or talk to someone who has passed, but doesn’t need to be there in my everyday life. The tool needed here is grounding. I am stronger when I stand tall and firm in my space. Once I felt less vulnerable and stronger and was able to speak my feelings, I left less and less.

Feeling your legs and reaffirming that you are safe is the tool to use here. Carry a tourmaline rock in your pocket. Its healing qualities will pull you right back in and keep you on the earth.

It’s also important to notice, where and with whom you feel this urge to leave. Why are you feeling unsafe? Can you speak your mind or your fears to that person? Perhaps, empathically you are registering that this person is unsafe for you. Honor this as best you can, limit your exposure, and then always make sure there is extra protections for you put in place whenever you have to deal with this person.

empath · empath mentoring · empaths · sensitivity

What kind of empath are you?

designingfairy9 Comments

I’m a Nature/Spirit/Animal Empath. What does that mean? I have no idea. No really, it means that as an empath, I am attuned to or can communicate as an empath to those realms.

Awhile back, I posted a fun quiz to help you find out what kind of empath you are. With this info, you know what direction to focus on to develop your empathic abilities. Here it is:

The “What Kind of Empath am I?” quiz

Circle in your head or write down the numbers which apply.

  1. You come down with a sudden, horrible stomach ache. Logical mind says it was a bad lunch or the flu going around, but then your dog enters the room and pukes on the carpet, and looks a little green around the edges. (physical or animal empath)
  2. While shopping at the nearby Walmart, you enter the frozen food section and want to burst out into tears. You feel overwhelming, deep sadness and loneliness. (emotional empath or allergy to poorly designed boxed foods)
  3. While relaxing on the couch you suddenly hear words come from your dog, “I want to go for a walk now.” (animal empath or the result of smoking too many mushrooms)
  4. Sitting in the backyard you feel a wave of joy come over you and a sense of peace, and you have an urge to smell the rose bush (nature empath, or the mushrooms are still doing their stuff from the day before)
  5. You feel down and angry when two minutes before you felt peaceful. Your closest friend then calls and says he is feeling down and angry. (emotional empath)
  6. Two days before a major earthquake hits another country you have nightmares of earthquakes, anxiety or feelings of doom (mission empath)
  7. You know that one fern plant needs more water and to be placed in a sunnier window (nature empath or you’ve read a lot of books on houseplants)
  8. You receive strong messages or channelings that will help the world regarding self esteem (mission empath or still feel the effects of the mushrooms)
  9. You enter a hospital and feel fear, sadness, anxiety. You walk by one room and feel a pain in your side (physical empath or emotional empath)
Circled one or more nature empath: NATURE EMPATH you’re tuned into the Nature Spirits and Fairies. Welcome aboard fellow fairy.
Circled one or more emotional empath: EMOTIONAL EMPATH you’re tuned into the emotions of others. You just need tools and good boundaries.
Circled one or more physical empath: PHYSICAL EMPATH you’re tuned into the physical ailments of others. You will just need to discern how to get rid of the feelings and not take it on.
Circled one or more animal empath: ANIMAL EMPATH you’re tuned into animals and can help them greatly.
Circled one or more mission empath: MISSION EMPATH you’re tuned into the world and your gifts will be used to help the planet.
Circled mushrooms: whoa! Where did you get that stuff?