Tag: Being an empath

being sensitive

The Top 10 Things That Happen to a Sensitive When She Moves

designingfairy

I just finished a HUGE move from quiet to noisy, to alone to full, to hot to cold. As a sensitive, I keep adjusting and trying to remind myself to take it slow and have awareness my sensitive system is different then most. It is frustrating because I want to just zoom ahead, but my body is talking. Here is what I am learning — my Top 10.

  1. It takes longer for me to adjust to EVERYTHING regarding sounds, senses, feelings. I need to remind myself that it takes longer. My environment is different than my space I had for five years and it is a big change.
  2. I still overload with lots of people if I don’t practice self-care. It is a challenge because I am outgoing and want to socialize most the time, but my sensitive system NEEDS downtime and PROCESS time. When I find myself screaming “Why is there so many people!” it is pretty much a clear indication I need a time-out. I am afraid those around me won’t understand why I keep disappearing, but I might just need to educate them.
  3. I can’t find things half the time from the move, and that adds to my frustration. I like to have order in my own space to keep the order inside me. I am one of those folks that expect the boxes to all be unpacked in a week. I need to lower my expectations for one thing.
  4. By changing one big thing, it has a ripple effect. The rest of my life wants change across the board. I just need to listen more intently to that “small, still voice” that is talking to me. I feel that voice wants me to be truer to myself and include me in the equation of giving what I need to myself vs. so much out.
  5. The sounds are different. That affects me more than I know. (Although I do love the sounds of the crows.)
  6. I love the people around me now but I still need that quiet process time or I get seriously BITCHY. I need to see that as a warning sound. The FOREST is in my backyard. I need to spend more time there.
  7. It helps to have my “things” around me — that special mug, that marker set, that squishy pillow. That makes a world of difference in my space.
  8. I have a hard time navigating the streets and the traffic. I lived in such a rural area with NO TRAFFIC AT ALL, I need to give myself time to adjust. I am used to the mean streets of Jersey, but that was a long time ago when I drove there.
  9. I must resist the urge to live in Barnes and Noble. Just because it is nearby does not mean I need to go there every day. I think. Kinda. Well, maybe I can declare it an office space.
  10. My lifetime lesson of learning boundaries is being put into place. The greatest gift I can give myself and others is declaring those boundaries when I need them the most. That is unapologetically stating when I need time and space alone, and declaring my space hands-off and private.

How about you? What helps you in a big move or great transitions?

Until next time,

Fairy blessings, Dear Ones,

designingfairysig

being sensitive

When You Come Last or How to Not Become a Resentful Jerk

designingfairy4 Comments

whenyoucomelast

I am exploring an old pattern.

When I was a little fairy, my loving Mom instilled in me to not be “selfish.” These lessons included putting others’ needs first, thinking about others’ feelings (hard not to when you are a raging empath), and watch to make sure you weren’t totally self-involved. We are raised by religion to always be of service and help others. I think I took it too far.

I give too much

My old pattern manifests itself as whiny “what about me?!” It isn’t pretty. It can be more quiet where I just whine and feel pity on myself acting like the girl who didn’t get asked to dance. Or it looks like ugly anger and resentment like, “Why isn’t anyone buying my stuff, dammit! Hello! What are you blind?” Or, those glorious slow seething blow-up moments where I want to pop barbie heads off and cry into my water when I find out only four people on Facebook Business page saw my post I labored on (thank you Facebook for limiting my reach only if I pay you money).

I have had slow moments in the past year where I barely had money for food and yet I was giving out a ton. That’s truly a large red flag I ignored.

I guess it is the “selfish” that tells me I need to keep giving to get, which I guarantee creates one heck of an energetic imbalance, and a giant hole within all areas of my life. In those moments, I think that is the only formula I have, but even in marketing we are told we need to share, share, share. The current trend lately is to give out FREE seminars, FREE everything to get business. (Did we all grow up with the same messed up beliefs?)

The problem is I like to give. I love to nurture and share. I have so much creative energy it feels foreign not to do six creative projects at once and share all of it. But I need to recognize when I am giving too much out and not getting what I need. My fabulous loved one reminded me the other day that I needed to take time out to give to myself. How sad I forgot and needed that reminder. I need to learn how to watch that energy pendulum for myself or I won’t have anything left to give. Examples are flooding my mind. I have this image of a child playing too long in the Arizona sun without enough water and falling over because he forgot to drink. Or my cell phone draining of energy and I can’t use it because it needs to be recharged into the wall. Do I yell at the kid he’s selfish or needy? How about the phone? He needs water to continue and the phone needs the charger. Why wouldn’t I have needs for my business or my personal time to keep going?

I am shifting this!

I guess it is a little like watching my milk intake and being vocally clear what I need. I have no problem with that one. I can tell a waiter, “No cheese please.” I don’t make excuses or whine, or cry about how I don’t matter, I just order. I need to express those limits and healthy boundaries. I need to make limits on how much I can give.

I wonder why it is so hard for me to learn how to ask for what I need and expect I will get it. Why is it so much easier to just take care of others? But the funny thing is, and I will let you know a little secret, I am happiest when my needs are met (like duh). When I am a little selfish  self-taking care of, it is kinda glorious. Having alone time in the forest, being able to write and make movies or design, makes me really, really happy. And when I am really, really happy, I am delightful to be around. I can give a lot and then I inspire those around me. The more I take care of me, the more I have to give. I am like my cell phone at full charge! And when I am neglected and not getting when I need, but still trying, and still giving out, I am, well, let’s admit it, a very cranky and whiny fairy. Yuck.

So there that overly-giving part of me! Do you hear all that?! It’s not selfish, it’s actually making me more helpful to others. It’s necessary! It’s how this thing should work.

Next time I feel empty, and I can’t pay bills, and I am giving and sharing, and I am invisible, and my needs matter the least, I will not whine and cry, it will be a clear sign I forgot to take care of myself. I will have to pry my tight, gripping hands from the sharing pattern for a moment. And a clear energetic symptom that I am on the right track will be I will feel lighter and freer and feel relief. I am lightening my load. I am back on track again.

What do you think? Have you had this experience too?

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Speaking of sharing, last session of Fairy and Empath Online classes start on Friday. I will be teaching creative classes over on my art site, but many classes here will be retired. Did you reserve your spaces? The catalog is here.

being sensitive · thoughts of a sensitive

Thoughts of a sensitive: Idealism is common

designingfairy

Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 10.33.20 AM

being sensitive · empath

Mandatory Weekly Check-in for the Sensitive

designingfairy

mandatory

I can’t be on Facebook all day.

I’m definitely a leader, not a follower. I have had many part-time jobs in my lifetime that I “failed” at because I was asked to be a  follower, and I just wanted to break out of that box and design a new one. (One of my first jobs was at a newspaper, and I got strongly lectured because I tried to design some ads when I was only the “typographer.”)

I hate when folks give me advice that is black and white that throws the baby out with the bath water (oh wow, that is one creepy expression.) I then feel trapped with no suggestions how to get out. This goes along with the “break out of the box” redesign thinking, I would guess.

I only know all of this from observation from when I finally checked in this week with myself. Now, it’s not always possible to do so when you are surrounded by people, but I realized this is mandatory for me.

As an empath, I am a pleaser and I have “mold disease.” I listen to everyone for advice and merge with most of the folks I interact with, and by the end of the week I have moments where I’m like, “Who the %$# am I?” And I get confused. And I think how everyone else is thinking. So I wrote that long list of how I felt. Now what I SHOULD felt, or what is NICE to feel, but how I honestly feel. Because when I am around stronger personalities, I think I should feel what they feel and I can get knocked about. And then I have to remind myself that I am a leader myself and a very strong person, and I am not a six-year-old child who needs to listen to anyone who seems like an authority. Oh yeah, right.

And some of what I realized writing that list is I really disagreed with how others felt, and that was okay. IT IS OKAY. Because being responsible for me includes making sure I know what I need and feel, so others aren’t stuck with the burden of trying to take care of my needs. And we can think differently, and see things differently.

I’ve written before about needing a lot of physical space, but I think the bigger need is EMOTIONAL SPACE. I can get that emotional space back by making a list of how I feel. I am no longer cramped. My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore (big red flag). I don’t have to feel what everyone is feeling, and what they want me to feel, and what they think I should do or what I need. Or maybe, they don’t even want me to feel anything, but I empathically feel they would like it if I did.

Most empathic folks are very strong. If we can take on that much emotional stuff from others and the world, PLUS our own stuff, WE ARE STRONG! We do double duty, right? When we drop down into our KNOWING, we make choices and decisions that are right for us. We don’t have to explain it, we just KNOW what fits, because we know ourselves.

SUGGESTED ACTIVITY: Make sure you have a Weekly Check-in this week. I often play in my sketchbook and do a RECAP of the week to reflect and process all that has happened. I start out my list “I am feeling…” and the surprises clear out all that isn’t mine.

Happy list-making.

designingfairysig

being sensitive · empath · thoughts of a sensitive

Thoughts of a Sensitive: Oddest thing

designingfairy

oddingthing

being sensitive · empath

Thoughts of a Sensitive: Jump into the Pool

designingfairy

jumpintothepool

being sensitive

Thoughts from a Sensitive: Lack of Support

designingfairy2 Comments

We often blame ourselves when we are “failing.” But what is really happening is we don’t have enough support or knowledge to succeed in that situation. We simply need more help. shame

being sensitive

Two Kinds of Smog

designingfairy2 Comments

smog

First off, big thank you for everyone that attended the celebration for my deck. We had a ton of fun on Facebook and many of the posts are still here on the website for you to read.

I had one hell of a week last week and from what I heard from others it was a doozy energy-wise. Perhaps it was that FULL MOON that knocked out the sky. Maybe it was the eclipses and astrological influences (if I hear one more time about Mercury Retrograde I will scream LOUD. Good thing that is over.) But one thing I know for sure, I didn’t feel right. I experienced:

  • Sudden mood change
  • A heavy feeling
  • A dark cloud around my head that made my head fuzzy and confused
  • My usual upbeat personality felt depressed, sad and hopeless and I couldn’t get rid of it

Did you ever have a big change in mood like that? Comes on like gangbusters and hard to clear out? I call it Smog.

We are talking about Smog over on this month’s newsletter. Did you sign up yet? Subscribers will receive $10 to $20 Off on classes that start this Friday, AND $20 off this week on the new class, Help! I’m Sensitive Support class.

Sign up for the newsletter right over HERE.

being sensitive · care of sensitive teleclass · empath · empath mentoring · Empath skills · empaths

Thoughts from a Sensitive #1

designingfairy

We need to hear our tribe.

I receive a great deal of notes from readers saying that my book or a blog post I wrote helped them feel more self-acceptance and less alone. That got me thinking. We just need to hear our tribe. When we gather and share, we do feel less alone. We feel belonging. And then realize we have many of the same thoughts and feelings. We aren’t folks with two heads. So, here’s my first share from one of my re-tooled classes, Care of the Sensitive Workshop (starts September 26th). Have you felt this way? (feel free to share)

thoughtsofsensitive1

Animal Communication · Animals

Signs you have a sensitive pet

designingfairy2 Comments

If you are sensitive, chances are you have a sensitive animal companion. My Sarah is my poster child for sensitivity. She mirrors me often and has many of the same empathic characteristics.

7 Signs of a Sensitive Pet:

  1. Sensitive digestion. Like me, if I introduce a new food into my diet suddenly, or if I eat something I shouldn’t, OR I am emotionally upset or nervous, my stomach will cry out loud and clear. Same thing for Sarah.
  2. Sensitive to medication and chemicals. Sarah will react to strong antibiotics, aspirin, and a little painkiller goes far. Too much will cause problems, that’s why many holistic and natural methods work best for her.
  3. Sensitive to emotions. Sarah is super empathic and will pick up when I am upset hours before I even realize it. She needs to learn how not to carry my stuff.
  4. Sensitive to change. As long as our schedule is consistent our life goes swimmingly well. If I am out most the day when I ordinarily am not, I will come home to a very agitated Sarah and lots of protesting messes.
  5. Sensitive to energies. Sarah will be the first one to know if there is a visiting spirit in the house.

Just like with people, there are lots of tools you can add to your repertoire to assist your sensitive pet. Sign up and start any Friday Fairy Online School Friday the combo teleclass (audio lessons) and written lessons CARE OF THE SENSITIVE PET! Offered all through October with minimum homework and lots of information and help for your friend.