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When you are pulled back in six thousand ways.
When what you are doing doesn’t work.
When it all feels like an uphill battle.
What worked before isn’t working.
It’s time to rest. Time to regroup. Time to follow what excites you NOW. Follow the new breadcrumbs. And the biggest message is:
P is for Pay Attention. E is Earth Energy. Q is for Fairy Queen.
It’s the gradual climb.
Driving up to Flagstaff this weekend, I often get nervous climbing up those big hills. The view is magnificent veering over the forest trees, but pulling the car up the hills feels like a force of my own will rather then the car’s. Going home, driving down is even scarier until I realized it doesn’t have to be a roller coaster. I may be the only one who thinks this, but as a sensitive, I hate that feeling of being so out of control when I zoom down a hill that I am not familiar with. If I was easy-going and didn’t mind, I would just let go and enjoy the ride careening down the hill. But being so sensitive, and aware of so many physical sensations at once, it’s a scary feeling. And then this last trip down, it dawned on me. What if I take the hill slow so it doesn’t feel like a roller coaster? Yes, everyone around me is going 75 miles and up, but what if I go slow and take it easy? I will stay in the slower lane, of course, so others can pass. The bigger metaphor? The main stress for me is when I am asked or even forced to go a rhythm that fits other people, but doesn’t me, so they are comfortable. I don’t want to be a “problem.” I want to fit in. I want to be like everyone else. But I don’t want to be treated like I have three heads because I have different needs.
I drove down the hill the other day slowly taking my time, and guess what? I was fine. The trip was even enjoyable. I looked over at my basset girl who wasn’t showing huge signs of motion sickness, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who had a problem before. My stress and fear was greatly reduced and the hills felt doable to me. I felt in control of my car. I am sure with practice and once the roads become more familiar, I will be zooming along with everyone else. But in the meantime, I am honoring myself.
This week: pay attention to your own rhythms as a true form of self-care.
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I don’t always know my limits.
I try to be extroverted, on the go, social, always available, but I have a sensitive system that I often curse. I push way past my limits in order to be like everyone else, and my body always reacts in some way to let me know.
I need space to recoup and regroup. It’s a fundamental need. As a sensitive person I process things slowly and deeply. I don’t just process the surface but the multi-level happenings underneath, so there is much to sift through. My mind is like a giant computer picking up data left and right and making connections. Then I need time to download, digest, and understand. I need quiet space where I only hear me and my thoughts, only feel me and my feelings, not the whole world around me, or I will get lost.
It’s hard to explain to others. You feel like a freak, different, flawed in some way, but you are just differently wired…maybe with an advanced computer inside.
Yes, it’s a pain in the ass to explain to others.
I have had in-laws who never understood and felt rejected. How could they when they are wired their way and don’t know there is another way to be?
I identified the bigger problem. It’s communicating my limits calmly and with strength to others. “I have hit my limit!” But, if I don’t acknowledge my limits, I have a problem. There is a problem with me and acceptance. Deep deep down, I don’t want a sensitive body. Maybe it’s just having a body. How many times have I dove into a project on the computer and I forget or ignore I’ve had to pee for two hours? That pee thing is annoying. If I could go without peeing for a day, think how much work I’d get done! Think how many car trips I wouldn’t have to stop anywhere for breaks!
So, maybe I should just accept that there is so much I can do in a day, and I need to take care of myself. If I was a car, I could push myself all I wanted to but it isn’t going anywhere if I run out of gas. What if it’s just that simple? This car won’t go very far if there aren’t breaks to unwind, disconnect and refuel (which translates into some alone space). And what if…I explain it that way to others?
“I am not being anti-social, and it’s not that you are a horrible person that I need a break from you or that I don’t like or love you, I just need to put more gas into my car at this time, and I will be back on the road with you momentarily.”
Do you think that would work?
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artwork by David Wagenfeld
I welcome my friend, David Wagenfeld, as my guest blogger this week. David is a fellow sensitive who has a perceptive comic series blog, Innie Blog. In this article, he writes about identifying the true voice of your intuition.
You know the feeling. You have a big decision to make and you don’t know what to do. You could go this way or you could go that way, you just can’t choose. And then you feel that feeling deep in your belly, that subtle calm voice in your head urging you in a direction. That is your intuition. That is Spirit guiding you, showing you the path that will lead you to your highest good. And all you have to do is trust it.
Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “Gee Dave, a lot easier said than done.” When actually, it is one of the easiest things that you can do. Let me give you an example.
It was during the last week in December of 2009, and I was really frustrated because I felt like I had no direction and that I had just been meandering around all year. I really wanted to know what my direction was. I was thinking about it before bed and right when I was in that place between being awake and asleep, I had this flash in my mind that I was to help people use art to access their spiritual sides. And bang I fell asleep. I woke up a couple of hours later and what had flashed through my mind was still there. And I thought, “Well, great, but how am I supposed to do that?” And again when I was between being awake and asleep the word “Artella” flashed in my head, and BANG, I was asleep. The next morning I Googled the word Artella, found the site, (http://www.artellaland.com ) and then the section about the Artbundance Coach Training and filled out the form a few days later. That was my intuition talking to me telling me the right direction to go. Now, I could have dismissed it as my “imagination” or “just a dream” but I trusted it and it led me to the ACT training, which, in turn opened up a whole bounty of benefits, personal growth, and connections, which have enriched my life in ways I never could have thought possible.
Yeah, I hear you, “Well gee Dave, I don’t have things flashing in my mind right before I fall asleep. How do I know what is my intuition?” It’s very simple; it’s a feeling. A calm, quiet feeling; a feeling that excites and charges you up. It’s a a feeling that you just know in the deepest part of your belly is right. THAT is your intuition. And when you feel that feeling, know that you can trust it, and that any of the negative nattering and chattering that may come up is nothing but lies. Trust that feeling, trust your intuition and let it guide you to your highest good.
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If you have an article or essay relating to being sensitive or intuitive, I’d love to hear from you. Maybe you can be a guest blogger. Email me.
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