Category: being sensitive

being sensitive · empath · Empath skills · empaths · sensitivity · spiritual guidance · spiritual lessons

The Right Help and Avoiding Confusion for the Sensitive

designingfairy

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I am seriously confused.

It’s partly from the allergens that are flying around in my house. My cooler–it’s an Arizona thing that wets the dry air while cooling the environment–hasn’t been cleaned in at least five years I’ve been here so it’s making my head really foggy every time it spits out air with gunk. So I called up my landlords and they immediately responded because they are fabulous. At first, they thought they would have to brainstorm how to clean out this moldy cooler, so I thought I would have to wait awhile, sneezing. But then I got a call from them that an expert would be coming to clean out the ducts and make my life easier to breathe. This expert specializes in cleaning out coolers of allergens. It was the perfect solution and the landlords knew where to go for help.

That experience lit a lightbulb up in my head. I have always given myself a hard time for not succeeding at times in business matters and that’s because I would go for help in the wrong places. I wouldn’t have the right answers. I would flounder about and get lost in shame. After all, I am a Capricorn and we are supposed to be good at everything. (ha ha) But what if it’s not the right help?

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A couple of times lately I have seen in action just the right piece show up for friends that they needed, but I have also seen in my life the opposite, where the wrong help creates more confusion.

I remember graduating from the Grad School program and having pretty much having vague help finding a job. I was told my skills and resume were fabulous and would have no problem finding something, but where/how wasn’t clear, except to look at a list of job search places to tackle. When what you do is so out of the box it is difficult to have a clear map. I always joke about wishing I was an accountant because the path is so clearcut. I’d go to school for a clear program, find jobs in accountant offices, and DONE. Vague help is the worst because it doesn’t provide you with specific steps. It’s almost like giving you directions to a house by saying, “Yeah, it’s somewhere over there.” Where? To the right of there or the left of there?

I have seen in others what happens when they have the wrong help. Trying to create something they bring in the wrong person who can’t really solve their particular problem and they make a bigger mess.

So what is the right help? First, I need to get very clear what is needed. That isn’t always easy. Often you are so overloaded that there are too many pieces floating around your head. It’s hard to pinpoint what the problem is or what you are needing. You know you need help with being healthy, but does that look like going on a diet? Starting a workout program? Going to do a doctor? What is the specific issue? I think I run into having too broad a problem. You can relate? And then overwhelm happens because there’s too much to tackle at once, and as a sensitive, I am already overloaded with stimuli and information ALL THE TIME.

So I write down very specifically what the issue is. The cooler was easy. It’s concrete. I know when the cooler turns on I sneeze, so that thing must be dirty. I then need to find someone who can clean out a dirty cooler. But what about more complicated questions like, how do I bring in more money? Or how do I bring in more peace to the household? Etc. etc. Those questions are trickier.

I am learning…

Sometimes having the right help is about lightening the load. You can’t do it all. (My Capricorn inner self just cringed.) You can’t be everything to everybody, you need to bring in assistance. Find what solves that particular problem– be very specific, research, ask around, and zero in on that one thing at one time to avoid overwhelm.

Until next time,

designingfairysig

being sensitive

This Week’s Healing Fairy Alphabet Cards: Moving Forward and Mini Readings

designingfairy

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This week’s cards are shared on my Instagram with the message over here. Don’t know  Instagram? It’s also on the Healing Fairy Alphabet site here.

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Mini Readings

Want to have some fun? Like the reading and messages each week? Mini Celtic Cross reading for you with these magic cards and my Empathic Spidey sense. Written email page response. Use the form to complete with your question. Buy below. Limited time offer. 

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Buy Now $20.00

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being sensitive

This Week’s Healing Fairy Alphabet Deck Cards: Keep What Works

designingfairy

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This week’s cards are over here on its very own site.

being sensitive · empath

Mandatory Weekly Check-in for the Sensitive

designingfairy

mandatory

I can’t be on Facebook all day.

I’m definitely a leader, not a follower. I have had many part-time jobs in my lifetime that I “failed” at because I was asked to be a  follower, and I just wanted to break out of that box and design a new one. (One of my first jobs was at a newspaper, and I got strongly lectured because I tried to design some ads when I was only the “typographer.”)

I hate when folks give me advice that is black and white that throws the baby out with the bath water (oh wow, that is one creepy expression.) I then feel trapped with no suggestions how to get out. This goes along with the “break out of the box” redesign thinking, I would guess.

I only know all of this from observation from when I finally checked in this week with myself. Now, it’s not always possible to do so when you are surrounded by people, but I realized this is mandatory for me.

As an empath, I am a pleaser and I have “mold disease.” I listen to everyone for advice and merge with most of the folks I interact with, and by the end of the week I have moments where I’m like, “Who the %$# am I?” And I get confused. And I think how everyone else is thinking. So I wrote that long list of how I felt. Now what I SHOULD felt, or what is NICE to feel, but how I honestly feel. Because when I am around stronger personalities, I think I should feel what they feel and I can get knocked about. And then I have to remind myself that I am a leader myself and a very strong person, and I am not a six-year-old child who needs to listen to anyone who seems like an authority. Oh yeah, right.

And some of what I realized writing that list is I really disagreed with how others felt, and that was okay. IT IS OKAY. Because being responsible for me includes making sure I know what I need and feel, so others aren’t stuck with the burden of trying to take care of my needs. And we can think differently, and see things differently.

I’ve written before about needing a lot of physical space, but I think the bigger need is EMOTIONAL SPACE. I can get that emotional space back by making a list of how I feel. I am no longer cramped. My stomach doesn’t hurt anymore (big red flag). I don’t have to feel what everyone is feeling, and what they want me to feel, and what they think I should do or what I need. Or maybe, they don’t even want me to feel anything, but I empathically feel they would like it if I did.

Most empathic folks are very strong. If we can take on that much emotional stuff from others and the world, PLUS our own stuff, WE ARE STRONG! We do double duty, right? When we drop down into our KNOWING, we make choices and decisions that are right for us. We don’t have to explain it, we just KNOW what fits, because we know ourselves.

SUGGESTED ACTIVITY: Make sure you have a Weekly Check-in this week. I often play in my sketchbook and do a RECAP of the week to reflect and process all that has happened. I start out my list “I am feeling…” and the surprises clear out all that isn’t mine.

Happy list-making.

designingfairysig

being sensitive

Five Days of Previews and Fairy Healer Homework!!

designingfairy

In honor of Fairy and Empath Online School and its final year, I am offering a week of fun excerpts and sales on classes. Today’s excerpt is from the Fairy Beginner Healing Class on Sale for $70.00. In the beginner class you can make a repertory book. This is a featured flower sheet that you receive each lesson. There’s also the fun Banish the Blah Bubbles worksheet.

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Adorable Student homeworks:

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Don’t have to be a trained artist to have fun. Fairy Certificate Healer Tracy’s Joy List

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One fairy student made this beautiful fairy class inspired art offered on her Etsy page here

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Fairy Healer Certificate Student Carolyn researches Honeysuckle

Want to have fun? Take advantage of sale and sign up!

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being sensitive

This Week’s Healing Fairy Alphabet Card: FEAR

designingfairy

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This week’s card is over here. And there’s a fun activity too.

being sensitive · spiritual lessons · writing

So you are in a transition

designingfairy4 Comments

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I write this as I adjust to stronger glasses I usually wear for driving only. My other glasses had “scratch guard” that rubbed right off. There are no coincidences. I was fighting change, but my soul was pushing me into bigger vision.

You might feel stuck in the middle of things that are dying and things that are being born.

You’re grounding underfoot is changing. It’s like a mini earthquake. Hold on tight.

You can taste the sweetness of glorious new beginnings, and the bitter taste of endings.

There’s anxiety as one door is closing, and the other door isn’t quite open yet, and you can’t find that door anywhere.

Breathe.

This isn’t a moment for being harder on yourself. Or feeling like a failure. It’s only change, and usually necessary change at that. It’s GROWTH, my Dear.

There is no map.

Panic.

Most of the biggest transitions in my life I have lived through somehow. Some I didn’t even see coming. But to a creative person being stagnant is worst then no change. That’s boring. There’s no material there to work with.

Take another breath.

You’re being guided even though it doesn’t feel that way. Those tiny whispers? That gut feeling? Those longings that keep punching at your belly? YOU know what to do, at least the next tiny step, even if it’s that one breath.

And what about all that stretching you are feeling? Yes, your legs feel longer, and your voice may be changing into a deeper tone. Just see it as a second or third or fourth puberty. That turned out okay and you weren’t sure then.

Ask yourself, “What do I REALLY want to do?” 

You have what it takes. You will have what you need. There’s help even though you aren’t sure.

Much love and see you on the other side of this.

designingfairysig

 

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ACTIVITY TO INTEGRATE: Draw a map where you have been and where you want to go so you can see visually the big picture of the transition you are in. That drawn map might give you additional clarity.

being sensitive

Choosing the Right Direction — The Empath Way

designingfairy1 Comment

You’re empathic and yes, it’s a freaking curse sometimes, but it also gives you built-in super-spidey sense that can guide your next steps and put you on the right path. A couple of months back, I wrote down specifically how I felt when I was going in the wrong direction, or in an environment or situation that wasn’t a great match. I also took note of how I felt when I had a marvelous day, and everything felt light and sparked with goodness. I am very happy I did this, because I created a simple formula I could check back on. Fellow Sensitive, can you relate?

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Your Turtle Shell, book 2 in the Help! I’m Sensitive series, available on amazon. ordernowonamazon

being sensitive · new thinking · spiritual lessons

Why don’t you do this for free?

designingfairy4 Comments

giveforfreeI’ve had the flu thing that has been going around in Arizona. It starts out strong and then hangs on for a long time. This virus is interesting. It reaches for your sensitive area, so if you have weak lungs, it latches on with a chronic cough. If you are like me and have wimpy sinuses, it will be hang out there for awhile. I still sound nasal. But being sick has been a big wake-up call for me. It first hit my back, and all I could find myself saying was how so many areas of my life didn’t “have my back.” I didn’t feel financially supported and that nasty flu attacked my “sensitive”  imbalance.

In the midst of being sick and down for the count, I had a blog reader approach me with a question needing advice. When her answer would be easily addressed by reading a chapter in my book, or a few blog posts here already written, and also covered completely in a lesson in my one class, I directed her to all those areas. I was immediately blasted for not being “spiritual enough,” and “why didn’t I offer all my advice free,” and for trying to sell classes and books. She didn’t offer to pay for a consultation or a private lesson.

Well, the interesting part was, here I was sick as a dog, and not paid for teaching during Spring Break, and my business didn’t have my back. I was in pure panic, because, face it, if neither is producing money, I am screwed. Capital One and APS don’t give a hoot if I didn’t receive a check yet or there’s no sign-ups.

Early in my teaching career, I’ve had similar experiences. I was told I should give free classes, free readings, free help all because I work in a spiritual field. What it came down was a lack of valuing. I have never gone to a dentist and expected free cavity filling. I have never gone to the mechanic, expecting free car repair. And my doctor who went for years to medical school has to charge me to keep his office going and pay back his student loans. What I have learned and trained in has taking me years and years of experience and time also. Is this because our role models like Mother Teresa and even Jesus ran around in minimal clothing and didn’t ask for anything?

I talked to a number of friends working in the spiritual field in some way, and all have expressed the same complaints and experiences…and all were struggling with money. Did we collectively not value our own gifts and what we had to offer because of our spiritual teachings saying that was bad? Or because we were in the spiritual field, we felt those gifts offered were less then? Was that the deeper problem here?

As an artist, I and other artists have all experienced people liking our work but not offering to buy anything. I have often been approached in my twenty plus years experience to illustrate an entire children’s book for free. That always makes me laugh.

The ironic part of this woman accusing me of not being spiritual enough by offering paid options to answer her question, was I have a huge problem with giving away so much for free. All. the. time. I share free art on Instagram. A ton of blog posts that go back five years or more. Free excerpts. Free quotes. Free Pinterest posts. Free stories. And I used to give extensive advice for free for years and years until I realized I was screwing myself.

If I wasn’t listening enough to the signs, I had one woman who was repeatedly calling me for advice on how to create books, websites, etc. but didn’t pay me for a consult. What was the worst was that she kept remarking how she could hire someone else to do the work I could do while talking to me on the phone. Yup, this was a ongoing pattern.

All these teachers showing up, I need to really look at this. I have a huge habit of giving so much without checking on my own needs. It was like I was expected to give out so much selflessly to others, without having those needs matter at all, and you know what? That’s a lack of respect. I have done this pattern more times then I can count. And then someone I love told me the other day, “There needs to be an equal balance.” (and respect)

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Okay, I get it. I really get it. I don’t need another teacher to arrive to show me, whether the teacher is the flu or a person or a situation. I need to value my information, knowledge, talents, gifts, and time. I love sharing but I can only give out and share if there is an equal balance, translated into sales coming back in or my time paid for, otherwise, I can’t give or share anymore. Then I have to do something else, which is what is probably about to happen. It doesn’t work, unless I think it is spiritual to live in a tent with my dogs, give away everything for free, and count on the kindness of strangers to feed us. I honestly don’t think the basset hound would go for it.

being sensitive · empath · empath class · Empath skills

Five Ways to Make Better Boundaries So You Don’t Get Pissy

designingfairy3 Comments

outsidein2

Yesterday I weeded. My entire yard is a giant weed from all the rain and early Spring. My allergies aren’t that bad so I sat down and began pulling, even though it seemed a daunting task when I began. Surveying around me I realized I might have made a small dent. I was fine for hours until mid afternoon and I felt like I was in the middle of a bad two-week cold with congestion and a voice that sounded like frog. Silly me, I forgot to create a boundary beforehand, meaning, take some allergy meds before I went outside to weed.

As per usual, the simple situations in life often mirror what I am learning, although learning how to set boundaries, as a sensitive empath, is probably my main lesson in this lifetime. But I have been forced to look at the many ways I don’t put in a preventative boundary in place or are reluctant to do so.

5 Ways I Need to Set Better Boundaries

Drum roll please…

1. I have to admit that I have pure panic when I am about to say NO and disappoint someone, or say I can’t do something. It’s usually happens when I need to take care of myself first and my body or needs are screaming. I am definitely a pleaser, and when I really care about someone, I want to please them BAD. And in prior relationships, if I said NO and spoke how I felt, I was punished in some way, so there’s a part of me waiting for the sentence or aftermath. I don’t please you, you won’t like me anymore. I will suffer by being ignored, rejected, or worse. (I actually have one friend I am terrified to speak up to and disagree with for fear of the aftermath.) Since as a sensitive I am FINALLY learning that I have limited energy reserves since I overload easily, and I am recognizing my limits and when I simply need that time-out. It’s my responsibility to let others know this, and hopefully, they will respect my needs and not take it personally because it isn’t about them.

2. I need to learn how to put boundaries up on others’ demands. I’ve never been good with this one. This falls into the category of pleasing others vs. pleasing myself also. It’s funny how everything goes around in circles back to that solid fear of punishment. Dang, maybe I need to look at that.

3. I need to not get others involved in my relationships. When everyone else is involved or has a say in your relationship, even from a place of concern or love, it still isn’t a good idea. They have no idea all the small pieces or details, they only hear you when you are upset, and then you invite them into a space they don’t need to carry, and then they are upset. Plus, they have their own ideas, fears, and experiences that cloud you. Nothing like having a well-placed fear that you didn’t have before fester inside. This goes for projects too. I realized a long time ago, that I only share what I am doing AFTER the fact. Going back to school? Working on a children’s book? Changing your hair color? Show/tell them after you did it. Trust me on this one.

4. Learn that not everyone has the same boundaries. A few of my extroverted acquaintances can talk my ear off all day or would probably visit and not leave, and my introverted self wants to simultaneously combust at the thought of it. Not because I don’t like them, but I’ve got that limited reserve thing. Some friends don’t need a lot of space or have no problem sharing important details of their lives, but I need space and privacy. One is not bad or good, it is just learning each other’s boundary language.

5. I need to ask for what I want and need. Lordy, this is a big one, and fits in with the other four. I see the roots of this one going deep down into the ground. I’m afraid to ask for what I need. Whether it’s support, or help (a big one), or more time to complete a task, or a shoulder to cry on when I need it (never been good at asking for this one), or attention, or money for what I offer (don’t want to be too pushy). This falls under boundaries, because when I communicate these things I help others to respond to me better. It’s a more direct route then pouting, assuming, resenting…you get the idea.

And finally…a big little hint

And a little hint, any area where you are feeling like you want to scream, “Get out of my f*cking space!” is a strong indication that one of your fences has been breached and you hit a boundary. Anger has its purpose.

How about you? Do you relate? Having a tough time with these areas setting boundaries?

Off to take some much needed Benadryl.

Fairy blessings,

designingfairysig

 

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So incidentally, I write more about boundaries in my two fav classes, Better Boundaries for the Sensitive, and Empath Skills class. Both have a new session starting March 20th. Go sign up to learn more!