Anniversaries

What most people don’t realize is that after major loss, when you think most of it is over and done, the anniversary dates will rehash it all over again. Sometimes it will sneak up on you.

Every year I have a very hard time in early May. Even though my Mother has since been gone for fifteen years, and even though she has made frequent astral visits, I still feel grief overcome me like a wave around the 5th and 6th of the month from not having a Mom HERE.

I have a trauma anniversary date coming up when my life exploded. These kinds of anniversaries bring up all kinds of nonsense to clear out, and frequent, “Oh, man, I thought I dealt with that.”

If you have lost a loved one, whether a human or furry one, the anniversary date will bring up that loss even if you are too busy that day to notice. Is there something unfinished besides the usual grief? Is there still work to do?

In my own life, I am finding, that I needed new resources–the support I didn’t have when I was going through everything (this excludes my dear, wonderful friends who were amazing).  I didn’t know there were actual groups and support people who had dealt with parenting highly-destructive and cruel RAD kids. There was after-support? Validation of what I had lived through might help clean up the leftover grief.

Maybe you went through a long illness with your animal and have that leftover grief.  Had to take care of an aging parent? Lost a home through foreclosure? Is there a group of folks that have gone through the same thing that you can talk with? Only someone who had lived through it could really truly understand what you went through. You need a witness.

I am amazed when I look around at the friends and family around me at what life has thrown at everyone. It’s been very hard time for all. But maybe we are all healing major, major stuff, and this is the one way to do it. I have no idea why we all agreed to contract to do this. I still think we were all high and loopy in heaven before we came in!

And remember support is just that. It supports you and helps you stand. Any support that causes you to feel worse or be thrown backwards, is not true support.