Epiphanies at 3 a.m.

5 Feb

I’ve had the stomach flu all week and have been doing a ton of processing emotionally. Foxy’s spirit has been nearby through most of this. Like when she was in body, I get an ongoing commentary of good advice. My stomach keeps reacting to what doesn’t feel right around me-when someone says something that doesn’t sits right. And, there’s so much going on with our drama queen high-needs daughter who is more comfortable with drama than peace.  My goal has been the peace, so we’ve been at odds in goals. And now, we realize that we will have to move when our lease is up next month.

Losing Foxy’s body has been such a blow to me in so many ways. For one, we were told over and over by Spirit that she’d be here much, much longer, so we were both surprised. I don’t think her body was in on the deal. There was a great deal of false information coming through, that I now realize, was from well-meaning relatives trying to give me some hope that she would be fine. (Not the greatest thing when you can hear spirit easily and don’t always realize it). That was coupled with insistence from Foxy’s strong spirit which felt incorrectly that she was strong enough to overcome anything. One can’t overcome old age. And lastly, of course, my own blocks from hearing, because I simply didn’t want to let go of her either. Even though we know spirit lives on, a part of us likes having the physical here.

So, her loss is helping me look at everything in my life in terms of letting go. What will stay, what will go?

One, I will keep this blog. This is the one place I have felt I could be honest and true with my experiences. I’ve met a ton of wonderful students and friends here and I want to keep that.

I laugh, because many of the other teachers’ blogs I read are “fake positive” half the time, almost pompous in some ways, real “personas”, and I never wanted to be a successful teacher that way. I came in to share my journey to help others in however way it comes. And, that journey may not always look or feel packaged and neat in a bow, and others need to see that too, because their lives are the same.

I am so grateful for so many Fairy School sign-ups lately. I love teaching the on-line school and sharing these lessons. I love writing. I feel honored you are all sharing this journey with me. So, Fairy School is staying.

I will be changing and morphing my art blog. Apparently, I have many that come to see the art, maybe even use the art, but there is no real emotional connection or support there. My art friends have moved over to Facebook where we chat. As a sensitive, I am always looking for that emotional string. I need that emotional connection with the art and design to be happy. So, I need to rethink that.

As for readings, I need a new way to share my knowledge to empower others which doesn’t involve feeling so responsible for others or feel like I am carrying. Many of the successful readers I know are not empaths, so they find the work much easier and less emotionally draining. I prefer teaching.

And, I want a much easier way of life that doesn’t involve constantly striving to be.

There. I was honest with this blog and with myself. So am forced to move forward with this knowledge.

2 Responses to “Epiphanies at 3 a.m.”

  1. Mary February 5, 2009 at 8:53 pm #

    I felt so much TRUTH in this post, Ronni. It feels beautiful. Truth feels beautiful to me, and that is why I love your blog. I have thought the same thing about other blogs being fake-postive at times. I have never felt that here. Your blogs are always very real, and that is why I love them and you!


  2. carlene February 6, 2009 at 3:06 pm #

    ^^I agree with Mary .


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