I don’t always know my limits.

I try to be extroverted, on the go, social, always available, but I have a sensitive system that I often curse. I push way past my limits in order to be like everyone else, and my body always reacts in some way to let me know.

I need space to recoup and regroup. It’s a fundamental need. As a sensitive person I process things slowly and deeply. I don’t just process the surface but the multi-level happenings underneath, so there is much to sift through. My mind is like a giant computer picking up data left and right and making connections. Then I need time to download, digest, and understand. I need quiet space where I only hear me and my thoughts, only feel me and my feelings, not the whole world around me, or I will get lost.

It’s hard to explain to others. You feel like a freak, different, flawed in some way, but you are just differently wired…maybe with an advanced computer inside.

Yes, it’s a pain in the ass to explain to others.

I have had in-laws who never understood and felt rejected. How could they when they are wired their way and don’t know there is another way to be?

I identified the bigger problem. It’s communicating my limits calmly and with strength to others. “I have hit my limit!” But, if I don’t acknowledge my limits, I have a problem. There is a problem with me and acceptance. Deep deep down, I don’t want a sensitive body. Maybe it’s just having a body. How many times have I dove into a project on the computer and I forget or ignore I’ve had to pee for two hours? That pee thing is annoying. If I could go without peeing for a day, think how much work I’d get done! Think how many car trips I wouldn’t have to stop anywhere for breaks!

So, maybe I should just accept that there is so much I can do in a day, and I need to take care of myself. If I was a car, I could push myself all I wanted to but it isn’t going anywhere if I run out of gas. What if it’s just that simple? This car won’t go very far if there aren’t breaks to unwind, disconnect and refuel (which translates into some alone space). And what if…I explain it that way to others?

“I am not being anti-social, and it’s not that you are a horrible person that I need a break from you or that I don’t like or love you, I just need to put more gas into my car at this time, and I will be back on the road with you momentarily.”

Do you think that would work?