Big thanks to Etsystalker for featuring Emma Lou in their Ode to Basset Hounds. I wonder if Emma’s higher self had something to do with it. The print is available at my store and would look fab-u-lous on your wall.
Author: designingfairy
I'm Ronni, a designing fairy living among the humans!
I'm a writer, illustrator, designer, and animal communicator/medium who loves to share and teach what I've learned in a fun way, whether it's providing tools in my Help! I'm Sensitive series for the sensitive folk, Healing Fairy Alphabet Deck for connecting to your intuition through Nature, the Idea Emporium for thinking like a designer to get out of boxes, or teaching in a classroom lessons I created, I hope my creations help make life more fun and easier. I like to help my fellow sensitives!
Check out my interview
Check out pages from my Fairy Field Guide and my interview with The Fairy Guide here. “I see fairies as tiny lights.”
Last big commercial & calling back energy
Okay, one big last commercial and then time for a nice long Labor Day weekend break (although, I want to do a yard sale).
Big thanks for the support for the merging of blogs! My old friends came and visited over here and said hi. Very nice outpouring. I am so happy! Hello to all my fellow IF friends.
Today, we are all reminded to Trust, Trust and double Trust even though there is quiet and slow down, etc. I find this very hard to do in the throws of any kind of panic or lack.
I am feeling much of my energy come back slowly from the places it’s been held up—the blog where I gave too much and received too little, the overwhelming issues with family and children, and parts of my business that isn’t feeding me.
New doors are only peeking open at this time. Design and writing compliments? Very nice. Teach at a few new places? Also nice. I, like many of the folks I am giving readings too, are wondering what new directions I am being pulled to?
Where can you call back your energy? Where can you trust?
And now for the big commercial….(drum roll)…I will only do this once, as I already did enough mentions all month long.
There is still time to sign up for Fairies 101. All other classes start in October, so September is the time to sign up. If you live in northern AZ, I am giving a fairy workshop next weekend. See here.
Potions are still for sale to help you balance and heal.
Fairy readings are available and appear to be in demand at this time as everyone is feeling a little disconnected. These include your Guides of all kinds.
And, thanks to all for checking out the new art website here.
Okay, done with the commercial. Have a great weekend. Trust, trust, trust.
IF:Magnify
For my long absence at IF, I present Magnify. Many of our fears are monsters magnified from inside of us. “Befriend the feared monsters inside of you and bring them into the light.”
color pencil and ink and a touch of Photoshop
print available at my Etsy shop
The meaning of poison?
Emma Lou, our basset hound, ate a bottle of chewable glucosamine yesterday. After the panic, and quick calls to the doctor, we were told she would probably be very bloated and gassy, but she’d be fine. Can you imagine? After eating a bottle? Thank goodness!
Here’s the weird part…and there is always a weird part with my life. The day before Jessica was home from school from eating four peppers from a classmate. She got sick from eating them and ending up in the nurse’s office.
Big coincidence. The next morning I dreamt about Emma being poisoned by a vampire, sick, but okay.
The vet said on the phone that eating too much of glucosamine, a relatively safe supplement, may upset Emma’s blood sugar temporarily. Blood, vampire. Hmmm.
Being the spiritually-minded person that I am, I always look for the big picture or message here. Was the dream a premonition–that which was going to happen? Or, what was planned? What was I taking in that was poisoning me, even if temporarily. What do you think?
Losing my heart food
I think my heart is closed down.
I just came back from a dance class at the college, which felt glorious and fun. Doing fun dance steps, swaying to the beats of the music, brought me back to the olden days when dancing was nurturing for me. I practically grew up in a dance studio from the time I was four or five. My second home, is what my Mom would call it. The poor woman had to play taximom to my sister and I back and forth to the studio. I grew up with the owner’s daughter, Haley, and I have fond memories of playing with Dawn dolls and dollhouses in her room at the back of the studio.
There are some bad memories too, when I got older in high school, still dancing, but then battling body image, a tough teacher now saying curves were not good, and as a result, the beginning of an eating disorder. Some of those memories are coming back as my older body has entered the dance class among the young ones, but I don’t want those memories to override my joy.
The coincidences are overpowering right now in regards to this class. My one dance teacher was Russian and called me affectionately “Runny.” This teacher at the college is also Russian. When I heard her call my name the same way, mixed feelings swept through me.
Old loves and lost joy are the themes coming up for me now. I used to adore writing and took every class at the college I could. My first writing class I met one of my best friends and felt a delicious belonging I hadn’t felt for some time. I am now taking a class in play and screenwriting, which brings me back to my acting days, more times of belonging and happiness.
I haven’t lost drawing, which I am grateful for. Through the years, however hard they may have been, I kept at it. Paper and pen flowing.
Ironically, I taught my Fairy Joy class this summer for the first time. I needed the class most of all. You see, I had lost my joy and closed my heart. I know this now. We are raising a very sweet and charming kid, who has lots and lots of issues from having a very tough beginning. That beginning colored her world and made it a place of hard survival and trauma. The problem is, she doesn’t differentiate between then and now. She has the same tactics: manipulation to get what she needs, lying, false accusations, splitting, triangulation, creating drama, etc. It’s way above even the normal teenage stuff. But what she shows others is a perfect young girl, so we look like the bad guys. As you can imagine, it’s been very, very hard for us to give while not feeling anger.
So, I am exhausted. I’m spent. My husband and I meet with several therapists a week to learn how to parent her and try to undo the exhaustion, the lack of joy, and the misunderstood & uneducated comments from the outside world.
Which brings me back to my joy and the classes. What I wrote first here is the most telling. Dance was nurturing. Through trips to the studio I spent time with my Mom, who has since crossed over too early. Mom was nurturance growing up. Writing is from my soul–a gift from me to you. Drawing connects me to that little girl unaffected by the losses and pains of the world. In the process of trying to heal our little girl, we got caught up and began to live in the rollercoaster of her world–a very dark, hurting place. And much worse, those who were meant to be helpful, hurt us much more, by not witnessing us or honoring our needs. From this dark place, we forgot how to nurture ourselves. We may even have felt we didn’t deserve to be nurtured. The message we repeatedly got: Parents only give selflessly and have no needs of their own. I’ve seen this dynamic lately mirrored in my outside world by not getting what I need–the very basics. But I had forgotten the food for my soul, the very basics for my inner world’s needs–the art, the words, the movement, the mothering!
God, the Universe, my spirit helpers, brought me to these classes and gave me the coincidences. This has led me to the understanding that we can not give from an empty place. As parents we have a right to our own needs too. As healers, artists and teachers, also. We need to open our hearts again and we can only truly do that when we are fed.
(If you are needing your joy back, consider the Fairy Joy class to rediscover what feeds you. Sign-ups are happening right now.)
featured art work and message
good reminder. print available at my etsy store.
Merging blogs
I am in the process of relocating my Designing Fairy blog to here, and merging the two blogs–my art with my writing. My Designing Fairy site will now be my website for my art and design services.
How that came about is, of course, a funny story. In my life, I am trying to streamline and see where my energy is going out and not coming back. A recurring pattern I am seeing is “giving it all away for free.” I do this often and then find I can’t pay the bills! All that work so others can benefit, but I am not benefiting. Not the best way to do business.
I had a feeling that with my art blog, which gets much traffic, that perhaps, my art indeed was being used often without a benefit to me. Now this would be just fine if I was independently wealthy and didn’t want the credit. I need to rethink the “healer gives out freely from her heart.” I love creating but it really isn’t a hobby. I went to school for years training.
I did a google search on Designing Fairy and found someone using two of images from my site for free. Great publicity, yes, but a little freaky. They hadn’t asked permission. There was credit to my website and an invite to go to find great design tips (more free stuff). Here’s the link in question. I posted this on Facebook and many opinions were given. (Lots of different perspectives on a controversial topic). The even odder part–the work is a collage made from other artist’s works and was simply an color book assignment I created for students.
I love free publicity. It’s awesome. But the timing was funny. Here I was wondering if I should convert my DF blog into a website with clear intention, and then being led to find a situation I worried about. Message, perhaps?
Needless to say, I am combining my art over here with my writing. For the longest time I separated my more mainstream, designing self from my woo-woo, psychic self. No more. I am both parts. So, here is where you will find both art and the world of intuition. Enjoy.
Don’t Wish You Were Someone Else
I went to sleep upset with my life and wishing I was someone else.
Halfway through the night, I journeyed and had an amazing dream message.
I was at a school taking different classes. I was traveling with a friend between classes when I looked down and noticed I wasn’t me! I was tall, larger, and had light, black skin. I panicked!
“What color are my eyes?” I asked my companion. “Brown,” she answered. “Where are my green eyes? I like having green eyes?!”
We wandered around the campus with me feeling steadily uncomfortable. As this new body, I noted that I was less visible than in my short body, realizing now, being little garnered much more special attention. Being taller I was lost in the crowd, even invisible.
I missed the way my rings looked on my fingers. How my hair curled naturally in little ringlets on the ends. Where was my little pug nose? I realized I liked my face, if even for the familiarity of it. Maybe even missed it, which was weird because it was my face I’d find the most imperfections!
“When do I get my old body back?” I pleaded to my friend. “This doesn’t feel right.”
“You don’t. This is yours now.” she told me flatly.
When I woke from the dream, I was so relieved, and for the first time in awhile, I was happy to be me. This was an unusual lesson learned, because I spent most of the summer wishing I was something I was not. I saw myself in others’ eyes–being inferior to others–which, perhaps now, wasn’t real at all. Where I was short, I thought I should be tall and long. Where I was fair, I thought I should be tan. Where I was curvy, I thought I should be slim and narrow. Trips to the pool made all of this thinking worse! I thought I was not enough and invisible as who I was. And now with this dream, I realized whether it was others’ perceptions or wants, it didn’t matter, because deep down, it wasn’t mine. Being all those things–short, curvy, fair–is who I am right now, and who makes up Ronni.
How many messages do we receive on a daily basis, or, even messages that replay over and over from the learned past, that tell us who we are is not enough? That someone or something is better, so we should try to be what we are not. As if we could? How often do we stop to really look at ourselves and see the beauty we are and the superior gifts only we possess?
I remember when I was in college–a huge campus in Maryland–a much younger Ronni. Where I thought I was special, there were now hundreds of folks that were just as special. If I could draw, there were those who could draw expertly. If I could dance, you guessed it, there were amazing dancers. The worst of this equation happened when my small group of pals let in a new friend. She was also little and funny, and even, brown hair and green eyes too. My pals seemed to like her better! Why, I wasn’t special at all now.
Tears rolled down my face when I relayed the story to my Mom, and it was there that I learned where my “not good enough’s” originated from. She didn’t say that I was special just because I was me, or anything like that. There was only silence on the other end of the line.
I’d like to go back to that college girl and tell her, “We aren’t our parts, or, because you are short, have green eyes, and will later teach fairy stuff. You aren’t your special abilities or your talents either, or even what you do. You don’t have to be something you are not–such as tall, narrow, or dark–to please someone else, or to be loved, or even wanted. You should never have to work that hard for love or acceptance. Like an individual snowflake with it’s own combination of beauty, you are unique. Love what you are right now. Accept and revel in it! All of it is you. Enjoy every bit of it–whether, the crooked nose, or the juicy thighs! You don’t have to try to be someone you are not, because, when I was, I wasn’t happy. I missed me. ”
And for Mom, and her Mom before that, I wish you heard the same message long ago.
Designing Fairy says…
“How do you know you’ve been exposed to negativity? You doubt yourself.” – DESIGNING FAIRY
Ronni's Psychic Room 